VOD Review: Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Kurt Russell is a legend.

From being a child star in Disney films, to being John Carpenter's go-to actor, he starred in more movies that are both great, and that we love enough to watch over and over again, than any other actor that we can think of: Escape from New York, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Tombstone, Soldier, Dark Blue, Miracle... and those are just the ones that we pull off of the shelf and watch the most often.

So as much as we love the guy, when we heard that he was to star in a Horror Western -in which he would be tracking down a bunch of troglodyte cannibals- we were all in.

When an idjit criminal defiles the sacred ground of a tribe of savage cannibals, he hightails it out of there and heads for the small frontier town of Bright Home, which, as it turns out, is quite poorly named. The cannibals give chase, because they want to kill and eat the interloper, and when they catch up to him, they take him, along with a few of the town's residents, back to their cave to be dinner.

THAT'S THE IDJIT IN THE BACK.

When Sheriff Franklin Hunt gets wind of this, he and three other men set out to confront the savages, and rescue their people. Included in the posse are a cold-blooded gunfighter; a guy with a broken leg; and a "not quite right in the head" Back-up Deputy. They're underdogs, folks.

GUESS WHICH IS WHICH.

As they track the cannibals across the harsh and forgiving countryside, they are attacked by banditos; have their horses stolen; and the gimp breaks his leg even worse than it was to start. With all of these issues, I'm not really sure how in the hell this mission is ever is going to work, but the Sheriff and the gunfighter are probably going to have to do most of the heavy lifting.

Dang-nabbed savagery and cannibalism ensues.

YOU DARE LAY YOUR SAVAGE HANDS ON KURT RUSSELL?!?

There aren't a lot of Horror Westerns out there (at least not good ones), and of the ones that come to mind, The Burrowers, Ravenous, and Dead Birds are probably the best of them. A small production with a relatively meager budget, Bone Tomahawk can comfortably slide onto that "Best of" list with relative ease. Above all else, it's a great Western, but when the Horror elements finally do stand up and take over, things get pretty nasty, pretty quick.

Kurt Russell is a bad-ass in this one. Not a Wyatt-Earp-in-Tombstone level of bad-ass, but his Sheriff Hunt still provided plenty of moments of Old West bravado. The incomparable Richard Jenkins was endearing as hell as "Back-up" Deputy Chicory; the banter between he and the Sheriff made the movie in a lot of ways, and was equal parts funny and sweet. They were a hell of a duo.

"YOU GONNA SKIN THAT SMOKE-WAGON, OR JUST STAND THERE AND BLEED?"

We also have to give a tip of our hats to Matthew Fox, who played the cold-hearted gunslinger, Brooder. There wasn't alot to like about him as a person, but damn he was cool, and just as bad-ass as Kurt Russell's Sheriff was.

There were also plenty of cameos in this one too from the likes of Sid Haig (Devil's Rejects), Michael Pare (Streets of Fire), Sean Young (Bladerunner), and Jamison Newlander (Lost Boys.) Great cast overall.

BAD GUYS WEAR BLACK?

As enjoyable as this one is, it's not without some flaws. First off, it could have been a bit shorter. It plays just fine at its current 140+ minute runtime, but in all honesty, they could have trimmed a good 15-20 minutes off of the beginning of the movie, and it would have probably been better off for it. A residual effect of that long runtime, is that there are stretches of the movie that tend to drag a bit. For some, that might be a mood-killer.

We also really wanted Zahn McClarnon to have a bigger role. When he walked on-screen, we were like "Yes! He's going to lead them to the cannibal's lair, and help them get the townsfolk back!" But then he didn't, and that bummed us out. If you've seen him on Longmire, you know how cool that could have been.

YOU NEVER GO AGAINST KURT RUSSELL WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE!

I think to truly enjoy this movie, you have to really enjoy Westerns. There's an awful lot of moseying down the trail in this one, and while some of it can seem a bit "uneventful," it's the interaction between the characters that make it all worthwhile. Plus, the bloody deaths at the end were pretty great too.

Bone Tomahawk is a tiny little movie that cost about $1.8 million to make, so it's safe to assume that no one got a huge payday on this one. This is exactly the kind of little movie that needs and deserves our support however, so if it sounds like something that you'd dig, then don't hesitate to support it.

B+

Bone Tomahawk is available now on VOD, and in Limited Theaters.

Lili Simmons is probably the hottest Old West Doctor that has ever existed.