VOD Review: Sacrifice (2016)

"As is usually the case, the book was probably better than the movie."

(aka The Shetland Mysteries.)
Release Date: April 29th.
Country: UK.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Sharon Bolton and Peter A. Dowling.
Directed by: Peter A. Dowling.
Starring: Radha Mitchell, Rupert Graves, Ian McElhinney, and David Robb.

Sacrifice is based on a popular book of the same name by S.A. Bolton, and so we went into it expecting the movie to be something special.

I mean, all of those book readers can't be wrong, right?

Well...

After suffering four miscarriages, Dr. Tora Hamilton and her husband move to a small Shetland Island community, in hopes of adopting a new baby. She's heartbroken over her losses, but her new home is beautiful and full of hope, so things are looking up. *Cue dramatic music.

[COFFEE INTAKE INTENSIFIES]

When a horse drops dead on her property, she decides to grab a backhoe and dig a massive grave for it  (because what Doctor wouldn't do exactly that), which leads her to discover a corpse buried in the soil. The corpse is missing its heart, and is covered in some sort of Satanic symbols, so she's pretty sure that something is amiss.

THAT'S NO HORSE!

When the local Police don't seem to give a shit about her discovery, she sets out to discover the identity of the corpse, and whoever killed her, because again, what Doctor wouldn't do such a thing, especially after moving to a foreign place where everyone looks at her as outsider to begin with? Over the course of her investigation, she discovers a secret society that likes to sacrifice women (to the God of Wheat, or something), and it's not long before she becomes a target herself.

SHE'S ON THE SNEAK.

The location is gorgeous, and it's captured very well on camera; the cast is solid (Radha Mitchell is always a welcomed sight, and it was great to see Ian McElhinney in something other than Game of Thrones); and the ritualistic  murder plot is interesting enough (if over-complicated and silly); but at the point where Radha Mitchell, whose character has just moved to a small Shetland community, finds a body and confronts the local D.I. with the "Are you really going to turn your back on a ritual murder!" dialogue gem, we knew that we were in for a long 90-minutes.

By the time the movie ended, we were convinced that the producers knew that the movie didn't turn out all that great, and that they just pieced together whatever footage they had to try recoup some of the money that they spent on its production. The ending scene is the perfect example of this: ***ENDING SPOILERS*** After all is said and done, two characters are standing there surveying a crime scene, having a discussion about what happened, and one of them says "They were all someone's daughter!" Then, there's a 5-second shot of a car driving away, and the credits roll; credits which oddly only took a minute or so to scroll by. ***END SPOILERS***

This movie was just too busy, didn't focus and build on the interesting parts of the story, and it was plagued by some bad dialogue and ridiculous character motivation.

"KHALEESI!"

A human corpse, a dead horse, and some knife violence. It's all pretty tame though.

[SEARCHING INTENSIFIES]

Nope.

SHE WAS A QT THOUGH.

Sacrifice plays and feels like a movie of the week that you would have found on one of the Big 4 Networks back in the 70's & 80's; it looks great, and has a solid cast, but the plot is safe and familiar, you can see its twists and turns coming well before they occur, and it doesn't pack much of a punch at all.

Catch this one for free on Netflix or Cable (when it gets there), if you really feel compelled to see it.

D+

Sacrifice is on VOD now.

Radha Mitchell has been one of our faves since Pitch Black.

Theatrical Review: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

"The best Avengers movie yet."

(aka Avengers 3)
Release Date: May 6th.
Country: USA.
Rating: PG-13.
Written by: Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeeley.
Directed by: The Russo Brothers.
Starring: Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Anthony Mackie, Chadwick Boseman, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, and 90 other damn people whom we are not going to list here.

We grew up reading Marvel Comics, and so we're pretty happy campers when it comes to the movies that Marvel Films has been releasing since the first Iron Man.

They're not all perfect, and some of them (like Iron Man 2 or Thor 2) we can absolutely do without, but for the most part, they're big and fun, and we're always down to see what they're going to do next.

With Civil War, Marvel once again shows how to do a big ensemble Comic Book flick the right way, and not muck it up by trying to cramming too much into to little space, and doing so haphazardly. Yes, Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of They Should Have Taken Their Time to Build a Universe the Right Way, we're looking at you.

Long story short...

Everyone thinks that Bucky is evil, because he's an assassin, so they're out to get him, But Captain America isn't having it. The Government also thinks that The Avengers are a bunch of loose cannons who need to be reigned in, even though they've saved the world from certain doom twice now. They did destroy a ton of shit while saving the world, and plenty of people died in the fallout, so Uncle Sam may have a point.

The Secretary of State presents the team with The Sokovia Accords; a document that would allow the U.N. to control what the team does, and when, and tells them to sign it, or retire. As you'd expect, this splits the team down the middle, which causes a... Civil War!

There's also a guy named Zemo who is upset about his wife dying during The Avengers mission in Sokovia, so he's out to break the team apart from the inside, because, feelings.

Plenty of "Avengers, disassemble!" ensues.

THE GOOD GUYS.

Like the previous two Captain America movies, Civil War moves its compelling story along at a great pace, using plenty of action and even sentimentality to get the job done. It was fun as hell, and another solid entry in the Captain America Trilogy, which might be the best Comic Book trilogy of them all. That's debatable.

If you already love the Marvel movies, and especially their characters, then you'll most likely love them here as well. Tony Stark is his usual, tortured and snarky self; Cap is his usual righteous, heroic self; Black Widow and Scarlett Witch are bad-ass; and even the "bit" players like Falcon, War Machine, and Hawkeye (we say bit because they're either limited in screen time, or stick to the background more than the others), all do their thing in perfect form. 

As for what we loved the most about this movie...

• Black Panther was awesome to the point where he almost made the movie by himself. Chadwick Boseman was the perfect choice to play T'Challa, and it really sucks that we have to wait until 2018 to see his solo movie. The guy ruled every scene he was in. 
• Ant-Man, when the focus was on him, also kicked some major ass. I won't ruin his best moment, because it was really awesome, and you deserve to see it happen unspoiled, but damn it if I didn't pump my Fanboy fist in the air when it went down.
• Everything about Spider-Man was kick ass. Tom Holland is the perfect teenage Peter Parker, and although he wasn't in a ton of the movie, he stole the show when he was. Again, we can't wait to see his Marvel-produced solo flick.
• The Scarlet Witch got to show of her goods too, and we finally get to see her as the powerhouse that she is. In the comics, her powers know almost no limits, and it was cool to see a hint of what she can do in this one.
• The entire airport scene was exactly what every Comic Book flick needs. It was excellent.

THE OTHER GOOD GUYS.

Vision was hugely underpowered in this one. With the Mind Gem embedded in his head, he could have pretty much wiped everyone other than Scarlett Witch out, with little effort... which is probably why they held him in check and made him her babysitter instead of putting him into the action too much. I just really want to see him let loose. Probably in Infinity War i & II.

The didn't really do much with Crossbones either, which sucks because he's a cool villain, and Frank Grillo rocks.

Also, no Hulk kinda sucked.

HOPEFULLY HE'LL GET SOME MORE SCREEN TIME IN ANOTHER FLICK.

They could have done more with Baron Zemo. He was a great villain in the comics, but came off as kind of an average guy with a lame-ass reason for revenge in the movie.

ALSO, THE WINTER SOLDIER HAS ALWAYS SEEMED KINDA BLAH TO US.

There's plenty of fighting and violence throughout this one, but nothing very gory.

POOR RHODEY.

Nope. Only PG-13 material in this one.

YES, THIS PICTURE IS FROM THE WINTER SOLDIER, BUT IT'S PERFECT, SO DEAL WITH IT.

The Black Panther movie is going to rule. Same goes for Spidey.

T'CHALLA!

Yep, we're Fanboys at heart, and Captain America: Civil War thrilled the hell out of us. Is it the best Comic Book movie ever made? I don't know. Maybe. Probably not. It is an excellent flick though, and it's a way better Avengers movie that Age of Ultron was.

You pretty much already know if you're going to dig this one or not, so act accordingly. 

A

Captain America: Civil War is in theaters now. Go see it.

Yay, we've got a reason to post some pictures of Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, and Emily VanCamp!

Blu-ray Review: What Have You Done To Solange? (1972)

"No one did anything to Solange. She did it to herself!"

Italian for "Yellow," Giallo movies are Italian Thrillers that are rife with gratuitous violence and nudity; shadowy, black-gloved killers; absurd plots; bad dubbing; and intense atmosphere like no other. The Gialli films of the late 60's/early 70's helped give birth to the Slasher film as we know it.

Krimi films, which are lesser known than Gialli, are German Thrillers that are based in some way on the books of Edgar Wallace. They're usually set in England, and are essentially murder mysteries, with some random sex and violence thrown in for good measure.

What Have You Done to Solange? is a Giallo/Krimi hybrid, which may be why it feels so different from the standard Giallo fare, and may be why it was so entertaining overall.

While sexy Professor Enrico Rosseni and his 16-year-old lover Elizabeth are floating down the lake in a rowboat, inappropriately kissing and fondling, Elizabeth notices the flash of a blade on the bank. Enrico assumes that despite his magnificent beard, that she's just trying to spurn his attempted statutory rape, and so he gets all pissy about it, and they leave.

HOW COULD ANY UNDERAGE GIRL RESIST THE SEXY APPEAL OF THAT BEARD?

The next morning on the news, Enrico hears that the body of a girl was discovered on the riverbank, and he races to the scene only to discover that his little Lolita wasn't just trying to avoid sex with a much older man after all; she really did witness a murder, and one where a girl was stabbed to death in the vagina. Like it always happens in these films, Enrico begins to investigate the murder, which the Cops have no problem with at all, despite him being a civilian.

HE'S ABOUT TO SEND HER TO DETENTION IF SHE DOESN'T LET HIM FINISH.

As more girls show up having been stabbed to death in the vagina, Enrico becomes the prime suspect, because he dropped his pen at the scene; his wife learns he's a cheating man-whore who like little girls; and he must work frantically to discover who is murdering his potential lovers, before it's too late... which he'll do once he discovers just what happened to Solange.

VAGINA KILLER.

What Have You Done To Solange? might be the classiest Giallo that we've ever seen. As much nudity and murder as there is in this movie, it's not really all that gratuitous or sleazy, which isn't exactly par for the course for the average Giallo movie. It feels almost sanitized in a way, and yet even with that level of restraint, it doesn't lose any of its bite.

All of the familiar trappings of the standard Gialli are here: A shadowy, black-gloved killer that is out for some sort of retribution; shocking, gruesome murders; an ordinary guy who has no business investigating the murders who is forced/compelled to do so; sexually promiscuous girls; plenty of nudity; and that feel... that Italian Horror movies of the 70's feel. We have to give Solange? credit, as it didn't feel anywhere near as cheesy, melodramatic, or non-sensical as most Italian Horror movies of its time did.

This was also Camille Keaton's (I Spit On Your Grave) first movie, and she did a good job playing the troubled Solange. The gorgeous Karin Baal was also good as the wife of the cheating Enrico. Despite her husband's adulterous, age-inappropriate assholery, she was a down ass bitch to the end. We liked her.

WHOSE HAND IS THAT?

The accents in this movie were atrocious. Were we really supposed to believe that they were all British? And the black dude... could they not have at least dubbed him better?

"DON'T JIVE ME, MAN!" REALLY?

I'm not sure how things work in Europe, but here in America, if a teacher has sex with his underage student, people don't just call him a "Sex Maniac" and give him stern looks. No, they fire him, and then he goes to prison.

Bravo, Europe, for not putting such silly restraints on lust true love!

SURE, HE MAY BE EYEING THEM LIKE A HUNGRY WOLF EYES A FLOCK OF INNOCENT, VULNERABLE SHEEP, BUT THAT TRACKSUIT IS FANTASTIC.

A bunch of girls get killed in this one, and the scene that gives the movie its title is fairly disturbing, but none of it is very graphic.

THAT IS JUST WRONG.

This movie is full of naked young girls having sex, taking showers together, and being murdered. One of those situations is of course as un-sexy as it gets, but hey, naked is naked.

NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL.

Arrow Films just doesn't know how to make a bad disc, and in fact, their releases are consistently excellent. This 2K restoration is visually stunning, and it's amazing how great the movie looks compared to every other release that its had. The Italian Language Audio track is stronger than the English one (the former has a better mix, and the latter sounded tinny to us at times), but it didn't bother us all that much.

It's also got plenty of Supplemental Material for fans of the film to sort through.

Overall, this is an excellent disc.

HER PUSSY LOOKS SOFT AND CUDDLY.

What Have You Done To Solange? may not be a typical Giallo film in many ways, but it certainly is one of the best of them that we've ever seen. It's above average in its storytelling and its characters, and it retains its nasty edge despite being mostly blood-free. We'll even go so far as to call it a poignant story about the loss of innocence.

It's a great movie, and one worth checking out, especially in its current Arrow Video Blu-ray form.

A

What Have You Done To Solange? is available now on Blu-ray.

There are so many gorgeous ladies in What Have You Done To Solange?, that we've even given them their own Retro-Hottie post HERE.