Giallo Month Review: What Have You Done to Solange (1972)

"No one did anything to Solange. She did it to herself!"

Italian for "Yellow," Giallo movies are Italian Thrillers that are rife with gratuitous violence and nudity; shadowy, black-gloved killers; absurd plots; bad dubbing; and intense atmosphere like no other. The Gialli films of the late 60's/early 70's helped give birth to the Slasher film as we know it.

Krimi films, which are lesser known than Gialli, are German Thrillers that are based in some way on the books of Edgar Wallace. They're usually set in England, and are essentially murder mysteries, with some random sex and violence thrown in for good measure.

What Have You Done to Solange? is a Giallo/Krimi hybrid, which may be why it feels so different from the standard Giallo fare, and may be why it was so entertaining overall.

While sexy Professor Enrico Rosseni and his 16-year-old lover Elizabeth are floating down the lake in a rowboat, inappropriately kissing and fondling, Elizabeth notices the flash of a blade on the bank. Enrico assumes that despite his magnificent beard, that she's just trying to spurn his attempted statutory rape, and so he gets all pissy about it, and they leave.

HOW COULD ANY UNDERAGE GIRL RESIST THE SEXY APPEAL OF THAT BEARD?

The next morning on the news, Enrico hears that the body of a girl was discovered on the riverbank, and he races to the scene only to discover that his little Lolita wasn't just trying to avoid sex with a much older man after all; she really did witness a murder, and one where a girl was stabbed to death in the vagina. Like it always happens in these films, Enrico begins to investigate the murder, which the Cops have no problem with at all, despite him being a civilian.

HE'S ABOUT TO SEND HER TO DETENTION IF SHE DOESN'T LET HIM FINISH.

As more girls show up having been stabbed to death in the vagina, Enrico becomes the prime suspect, because he dropped his pen at the scene; his wife learns he's a cheating man-whore who like little girls; and he must work frantically to discover who is murdering his potential lovers, before it's too late... which he'll do once he discovers just what happened to Solange.

VAGINA KILLER.

What Have You Done To Solange? might be the classiest Giallo that we've ever seen. As much nudity and murder as there is in this movie, it's not really all that gratuitous or sleazy, which isn't exactly par for the course for the average Giallo movie. It feels almost sanitized in a way, and yet even with that level of restraint, it doesn't lose any of its bite.

All of the familiar trappings of the standard Gialli are here: A shadowy, black-gloved killer that is out for some sort of retribution; shocking, gruesome murders; an ordinary guy who has no business investigating the murders who is forced/compelled to do so; sexually promiscuous girls; plenty of nudity; and that feel... that Italian Horror movies of the 70's feel. We have to give Solange? credit, as it didn't feel anywhere near as cheesy, melodramatic, or non-sensical as most Italian Horror movies of its time did.

This was also Camille Keaton's (I Spit On Your Grave) first movie, and she did a good job playing the troubled Solange. The gorgeous Karin Baal was also good as the wife of the cheating Enrico. Despite her husband's adulterous, age-inappropriate assholery, she was a down ass bitch to the end. We liked her.

WHOSE HAND IS THAT?

The accents in this movie were atrocious. Were we really supposed to believe that they were all British? And the black dude... could they not have at least dubbed him better?

"DON'T JIVE ME, MAN!" REALLY?

I'm not sure how things work in Europe, but here in America, if a teacher has sex with his underage student, people don't just call him a "Sex Maniac" and give him stern looks. No, they fire him, and then he goes to prison.

Bravo, Europe, for not putting such silly restraints on lust true love!

SURE, HE MAY BE EYEING THEM LIKE A HUNGRY WOLF EYES A FLOCK OF INNOCENT, VULNERABLE SHEEP, BUT THAT TRACKSUIT IS FANTASTIC.

A bunch of girls get killed in this one, and the scene that gives the movie its title is fairly disturbing, but none of it is very graphic.

THAT IS JUST WRONG.

This movie is full of naked young girls having sex, taking showers together, and being murdered. One of those situations is of course as un-sexy as it gets, but hey, naked is naked.

NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL.

Arrow Films just doesn't know how to make a bad disc, and in fact, their releases are consistently excellent. This 2K restoration is visually stunning, and it's amazing how great the movie looks compared to every other release that its had. The Italian Language Audio track is stronger than the English one (the former has a better mix, and the latter sounded tinny to us at times), but it didn't bother us all that much.

It's also got plenty of Supplemental Material for fans of the film to sort through.

Overall, this is an excellent disc.

HER PUSSY LOOKS SOFT AND CUDDLY.

What Have You Done To Solange? may not be a typical Giallo film in many ways, but it certainly is one of the best of them that we've ever seen. It's above average in its storytelling and its characters, and it retains its nasty edge despite being mostly blood-free. We'll even go so far as to call it a poignant story about the loss of innocence.

It's a great movie, and one worth checking out, especially in its current Arrow Video Blu-ray form.

A

What Have You Done To Solange? is available now on Blu-ray.

There are so many gorgeous ladies in What Have You Done To Solange?, that we've even given them their own Retro-Hottie post HERE.

Blu-ray Review: Phenomena (1986)

"The 2nd best Argento flick ever."

As the movies of Dario Argento go, Phenomena stands as our 2nd favorite behind only Suspiria.

Maybe it's not his 2nd best movie, and maybe Suspiria isn't even his best (it's all subjective, really), but for us, there's just something about this one that has always brought us to our happy place as Horror fans.

The fact that Jennifer Connelly and Donald Pleasance are in it probably has a lot to do with it. Then again there's the monkey with the straight-razor; the awesome Goblin score; the repeated use of Flash of the Blade by Iron Maiden; the creepy mutant kid; the kill scenes...

For us, Phenomena is just one of the definitive 80's Horror flicks, and one of our favorite Italian gorefests of all-time.

*This review was originally posted in 2008, but we've brought it back to the top to coincide with the new Blu-ray release from Synapse, because it's a cool 80's flick that deserves the love. 

Snooty American Schoolgirl Hottie, Jennifer Corvino (Jennifer Connelly was older than me when this was made, so I can call her hot and it's not creepy!), is shipped off to a Swiss boarding school by daddy, and good old fashioned Giallo goodness is unleashed!

YOU SNOTTY/YUMMY LITTLE MYNX!

Almost no one at her school likes her, mainly because she's creepy; she can talk to, and command insects to do her bidding; she dates a crippled guy (the ever-wonderful Donald Pleasance) who has an insane chimp as a pet; she sleepwalks in the middle of random acid trips; and she's a bit of a snotty bitch.

"WANNA SEE WHY THEY CALL ME ROLLNG THUNDER?"

She does make one friend though; a strange foreign girl who chain-smokes and wants to have sex with Jennifer's dad. Unfortunately, that doesn't last very long, as a killer who is knocking off random Schoolgirls makes her pay! Pay for what, you may ask? I have no idea, and I've seen this thing 20 times. Stop asking.

SHE SHOULD DEFINITELY HEAD TOWARDS THAT HOUSE...

Along the way (to where?!?), Jennifer gets into all sorts of zany adventures; she plays with bugs, falls into a pit of maggots and body parts, forces herself to vomit, takes Tae-Bo lessons, plays with a laser-guided chimp, and teams up with a fly to track down the killer's stash of corpses at the urging of her crippled pedophile boyfriend. I won't ruin the ending for you here (or the 19 twists that wouldn't make sense even if I did), but suffice it to say that mongoloids and bees aren't friends. Also, fire spreads really easy over water. Also, why was the killer even killing in the first place!?!

YEAH, GO OVER THERE AND TAP HIM ON THE SHOULDER.

Dario Argento is a Master of Horror, without a doubt. Most Giallo/Italian Horror flicks make little sense, but they don't need to; they're so packed with atmosphere, wild color schemes, creepy and grandiose music, and excess amounts of gore, that they make you forget how confused you are by their messy plotlines. Argento does all of this better than any other. If you can manage to take these kind of films for what they are and not demand perfection, then you'll be pleased. If not, then go rent Scream.

Phenomena manages to keep the tension at a good level, and delivers on the gore. The use of a chimp and swarms of insects puts a neat twist on things, and makes the movie creepier. Using Iron Maiden's Flash of the Blade was a brilliant musical choice as well.

Donald Pleasance is a Horror God: The Halloween movies, Price of Darkness, Escape From New York, just to name a few... he always delivers, and manages to raise the level of some less-than-great movies just by his presence. He shines in this one as well. It's truly a shame that he's no longer with us.

Of course, Jennifer Connelly makes this one instantly better as well. I won't dwell on her too much here, because you can see our tribute to her in the Horror Hottie section; but she kicked ass in this one.

"YOU'RE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW." YEAH, WE KNOW KNOW, JC, WE KNOW.

As with most Euro-Horror fare, especially that of the Italian variety, plot holes are abound in this one, and it's chalked with confusion aplenty. I feel like saying "Ahoy" next, as that would somehow make this section quirky. Never mind.

WTF?!?!

This mongoloid kid-thing! What in the hell was that all about?

MONGOLOID MIKE IS IN THIS.

The insects add another level of gross to Phenomena, especially with the maggot pit scene. There are plenty of good old fashioned Giallo gore moments here as well, the best of them coming via straight-razor at the film's end.

SHE'S GOING TO GET AN INFECTION FROM SWIMMING IN THAT.

JC was only 15 when this movie came out, so no nudity in this one. She got plenty naked in other movies later in her career though, so no big deal.

SHE'S ALWAYS LOVE A GOOD PEARL NECKLACE.

Our copy of this one is still on the way from Synapse, but it looks as if they've got another hit on their hands with this 3-Disc, Collector's Edition Steelbook.

We'll post about it once we've had a chance to watch through it all, but I can safely say that even though it's pricey, it's one disc that Horror fans should spend a little extra on to own. 

SUCH VISUALS.

Don't ever piss off a chimp with a straight-razor. Also, Argento is God. Also, Jennifer Connelly is a Goddess.

GO, TONGA, GO!

Standard Italian Horror shortcomings aside, Phenomena is a phenomenal movie, and a Must Own for any Horror fan, especially fans of 80's Horror or Giallo.

A

You can buy Phenomena on Blu-ray directly from synapse, HERE. It's limited to 3000 copies, so act fast.

Jennifer Connelly was my first crush as a kid, and she turned into one of the hottest chicks of all time. Don't agree? Well you're wrong!