Netflix Review: The Ritual (2018)

"Netflix hits gold with its latest Horror acquisition."

Sure, The Ritual feels more than a little bit like a British spin on The Blair Witch, what with the weird symbols and figures all over the place, but that would hardly be a fair comparison. Yes, it's set in the woods, and sure there's an entity of some sort stalking a group of nature lovers to their deaths, but it's truly got its own thing going on.

Director David Bruckner -who gave us one of the better Horror Anthologies in recent years, Southbound (review HERE)-  has hit a new high with this one, which we think is his best film to date.

*Mild monster spoilers ensue below.

After their mate Rob is murdered in a tragic chip shop robbery, four blokes decide to go for a hike in Sweden to honor his memory. One of the lads, Luke, was with Rob during the robbery, but he bitched out and hid while the robbers confronted and murdered him, so he is naturally carrying around a lot of guilt.

THEY COULDN'T HAVE BUILT HIM A SHRINE IN ENGLAND? WHERE IT'S MUCH SAFER?

When one of the guys falls and hurts his knee, the group decides to take a shortcut through a nearby forest to reach their destination, because as if a nature hike doesn't sound like a shitty enough vacation for four 40-year-old guys to take together, a quick jaunt into the isolated forest makes even more sense.

NOPE.

Of course, there's danger in them thar woods, and it comes in the form of a massive creature that is hungry for human blood. It also likes messing with their dreams, because it's apparently a vengeful god of some sort,

ALL HAIL SNIVENGUTENGORTEN, GOD OF HEADLESS STRAW FIGURES!

The Ritual is Backwoods Horror done right. In most films of this kind, we get a gang of dumb-ass characters making stupid decisions which see them trapped in some remote place, looking a sure death right in the face. Most of those characters tend to annoy too, which makes it worse. In The Ritual though, not only do the filmmakers do a great job of turning the Swedish countryside from stunningly gorgeous to dark and forbidding with ease, but the cast is top-notch, and the situation that they get themselves into is believable one.

The Norse mythology is thick in this one, with the Jōtunn being a giant, godlike creature, who is said to be a child of Loki by its worshippers, although they dare not speak its name; as well as the hanging aspect of things screaming Odin. That whole aesthetic was a really great touch that made what could have been a run-of-the-mill backwoods Horror story into something different, and dare I say, special.

It's a moody piece that emotes waves of quiet dread in a very effective way. This could have been just another B-grade Horror flick, but director David Bruckner and his cast made it into something more.

YES, YOU SHOULD TURN BACK NOW.

The ending threw us a bit. It's a straight-forward ending, and it wraps the story of one character up nicely, but I personally wanted a bit more of a prelude to chew on. Not the biggest issue, but it just felt abrupt.

APPARENTLY RURAL SWEDEN HAS NOT GOTTEN WIND OF THE #METOO MOVEMENT QUITE YET.

We've said it so many times over the years, that we figured everyone would have learned by now: Stay out of the damn woods, especially when you're in a foreign country. You don't know whats in those woods. Killers, demons, angry reindeer... just stay on the main path, avoid shortcuts, and you will survive your journey!

MAIN PATH, GENTLEMEN!

The violence and gore in this one is timely and effective, but not overly-plentiful.

THAT'S A BIG DOG.

Well, there is some naked man flesh on display, but it's not mean to be sexy.

YOU'RE GROWN MEN. ENOUGH WITH THE SELFIES!

The cast is solid, the location (which the cinematography brings to eerie life) is suitably terrifying, and the monster that lurks in the woods is a unique one. The Ritual is a very solid film that really deserved a theatrical run, and at the very least, deserves to have everyone who loves Horror check it out on Netflix.

A

The Ritual is streaming on Netflix now.

This movie is mainly populated by men, but there is some femininity to be found.

Review: Inside (A L'Interiéur) (2008)

*This is a repost of our review if Inside that we did 10 years ago (it's been that long?!?), to coincide with the release of its remake.

This is a story about the miracle of life; a sweet, young French chick (Alysson Paradis) is knocked-up and just about to give birth, while another French chick (Beatrice Dalle) really wants to help her deliver the baby, in any way she can... or maybe she just wants to take the baby for herself, and kill a bunch of people in the process. Either way, it's really all about love.

This is not love.

The bond between two women can be an immeasurable thing; it can be a special, and an often-times precious thing. When one of the women is pregnant and about to give birth, that bond ascends to a new level. The Police can't interfere with it, nor can a Mother or a Boss... they all just die horribly if they do. What can come between two friends though, and ultimately destroy an entire relationship, is a pair of fucking scissors.

"Friendship's over, bitch!"

I'd love to ruin what happens next (especially the ending) for you here, because then I could share my thoughts on what and how everything in this movie unfolds, but I don't want to spoil your fun. By fun, I mean disgust and terror.

Um, she can see you.

I'll be damned if this movie took any more than 30 seconds to make me cringe; the opening credits even made my stomach start to churn. From the absolute beginning, this movie had me feeling uneasy, and as it went on, the unease turned to shock and eventually to genuine terror. I don't know if I've ever seen a movie that was this viscerally violent and hauntingly creepy all at the same time.

To say that Inside is full of blood and gore is almost funny; it's jam-packed with the stuff, and to the point where I turned from the screen on more than one occasion. The gore, coupled with the terrifying atmosphere and tension of the movie, should mess with even the toughest of Horror fans.

Who knew scissors were so multi-functional?

The claustrophobic feel of the house (where most of the movie takes place) adds to the tension and the overwhelming feeling of dread brought on by the circumstances that our main character finds herself in. The colors were bleak, the shadows were plenty, and the ghost of creeping doom was around every corner. Oh, and the last shot of the movie is truly haunting, and won't likely be leaving my mind for some time to come.

Beatrice Dalle's performance as "The Woman" was nothing short of amazing. She was crazed, ominous, terrifying and eventually sympathetic in a very odd way, and she kicked my ass for the entire time she was on screen. There is a scene where she is trying to get through a door to have at Alysson Paradis... I'll just say that it didn't look like acting to me.

INSANE!

No... not the cat too!!!!

Poor Henri. All he wanted was some catnip, and maybe a hug.

Fuck me sideways, this movie is mean-spirited and a tough watch. That's all I've got to say.

This was pretty much our reaction during this movie.

Vomit. Blood spray. Pregnant stomach stabbing. Nut-sack gouging. Scissor/face dancing... And that's only by the halfway mark... and it only gets worse. I don't want to say too much and give away the plot, but this movie will definitely turn stomachs.

The half-way mark.

Unless you count pregnant bellies as nudity, then no nudity. There is a creepy make out scene though...

Not hot.

Drive careful, forget the fuse box and run, and don't watch French Horror flicks if you want to sleep later that night.

Fuck me sideways

If you're any kind of a self-respecting Horror fan, this one is a must own. Beautifully shot, directed, acted and drenched in buckets of blood,  this is a complete Horror film in every way.

A+

Inside is available now on DVD and VOD.

Ugly movies, pretty ladies.

VOD Review: Mayhem (2017)

"An oddly timely movie."

If the idea of Glenn from The Walking Dead and the hottest Babysitter ever (review HERE) running around an office, killing vapid, assholish business types in a variety of nasty, bloody ways doesn't pique your interest, then we're not really sure what will.

Mayhem is like a hybrid of The Belko Experiment (review HERE) and Office Space, bringing overt violence and black humor together to make a statement about how corporate America is killing the little guy, and then allowing that little guy to get the kind of payback that will no doubt strike a chord with anyone who has been wronged in the same way.

Timely, indeed.

The Red Eye Virus is making its rounds across the country, causing those it infects to lose their inhibitions, and act impulsively. That can mean that they turn hyper sexual, but mostly it means that when someone who is infected gets pissed off, they attack others around them, which usually results in someone being killed in a nasty way.

LIKE THIS GUY. DID HE RALLY DESERVE A PEN TO THE NECK?

Derek Cho is an up-and-cummer at the Towers and Smythe law firm, but he's having a bad day. Not only has his shark-like co-worker set him up to be fired, but the building has just been put on lockdown, due to and outbreak of the Red Eye Virus. And then there's Melanie, a sexy girl who has come to the firm to plead her case, only to have Derek turn her away. She's pissed, he's pissed, and they're both infected with a virus that makes them want to kill.

WHAT A CUTE COUPLE.

Together, Derek and Melanie decide to take their complaints to the top floor of the building, where management is waiting out the viral outbreak, and kill them all, because they're all assholes and they have it coming. And because Derek and Melanie are infected, they basically get a free legal pass to kill whomever they want to.

Mayhem ensues.

KILLING IT. LITERALLY.

Mayhem is a fun, bloody little movie that might not be as funny as we'd have liked it to be, but delivers the goods in such an entertaining way that we can forgive it for its shortcomings.

The cool thing about Mayhem is that it feels like a very timely movie. It seems like everywhere you turn these days, the powers that be are sticking it to the little man, mainly in the form of Washington taxing them more while paying less benefits; doing its best to kill Net Neutrality; and otherwise dividing the country to keep everyone focused on everything besides the fact that the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and there's not much that anyone can do about it.

Mayhem allows its hard done by, average Joe characters to rebel against the system that is holding them down, and maliciously so, and it does so in a bloody cavalcade of, well, mayhem.

Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving are what make the movie work so well, as the two have a great chemistry together. If we're being honest, it's really Weaving who shines brightest here; she's a star on the rise who chews the scenery in everything she's in lately, and she's and absolute treat to watch work.

NOT SURE WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO WITH THAT HAMMER, BUT WE'RE DOWN.

If Mayhem is anything, it's a gloriously violent and bloody movie.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

This one is really light on the sex. There's a bit of nudity, but if you blink, you'll most likely miss it.

SHE'S SEXY EVEN WHEN SHE'S A BLOODY MESS.

We're giving this movie a B+ because of Samara Weaving and Steven Yeun. The former is a wicked actress who is quick becoming one of our faves around here, and it's nice to see the latter in something other than The Walking Dead. Together, they make for a really likable duo in this one, and even though the movie as a whole could have been a bit tighter, they made it work.

B+

Mayhem is available now on VOD, and will hit Blu-ray on December 26th.

Samara Weaving is one of our faves starting now.