VOD Review: Midnighters (2017)

"A character-driven neo-noir that packs a twisty punch."

We love us a thrilling neo-noir, and ever since Starry Eyes (review HERE) we love us some Alex Essoe too. So the idea of Midnighters offering us both in one movie was just too good to resist.

We're not going to reveal too much about the plot below, because this is a movie that has some twists and reveals, and to do so would kinda kill the vibe of the whole thing, but I will say that Midnighters makes for a fun ride through noir country, even if there are a few bumps in the road along the way.

On the way home from a New Years Eve party, Jeff tries to get a little frisky with his wife Lindsey, taking his eyes from the road for just a few seconds, which ends with him hitting some poor sap walking down the middle of the road. Given that they're both drunk, they decide to take the body home, wait a few hours until they're sober, then report the tragic accident to the police.

YUPPIE PROBLEMS.

Of course that plan goes to hell for a number of reasons, which we wont go into here, because that would spoil the way the movie unfolds its mysteries and reveals, but suffice it to say that things get complicated due to marital issues, money, Lindsey's little sister showing up out of nowhere, and a creepy dude who knows too much about all of them.

WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YOU?

Midnighters is one of those movies that showcase people making really stupid decisions that lead to disastrous results, which is typically the kind of movie that we hate. Accidentally killing someone and hiding the body instead of calling the police never seems like it's going to end well, and that type of plot line usually ends up making for a frustrating movie-watching experience for us.

With Midnighters though, director Julius Ramsay and screenwriter brother Alston have taken that trope, and made it fresh. It's still frustrating in general, but the fact that the danger that is closing in around the couple is one that would have still been present whether they made a bad decision or not, basically kills the whole "You should have called the cops!" argument. It also takes the movie in a twisty direction that we weren't expecting.

The movie has strong pace that keeps some of those frustrating moments from dragging it down, and the cast all turns in solid performances which make the whole thing even more compelling. Alex Essoe has been doing solid genre work for years now, and she continues her streak of quality work in quality films in this one. The real surprise for us was Perla Haney-Jardine who played troubled little sister Hannah; she played B.B. in Kill Bill Volume 2, and it looks like she's all grown up now, as have her acting abilities. They both stole the show in this one.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN TIED UP AND TERRORIZED.

There are some genuinely uncomfortable moments of torture in this one, but it's not an overtly-bloody movie.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PROPERLY HOLD A KNIFE.

Not that kind of flick.

THIS TRICKY BITCH RIGHT HERE...

Relationships are tough. Also, always call the Cops. Always!

WILL THEIR LOVE ENDURE?

Midnighters is a tense, effective thriller that may have you calling the characters dumbasses at times, but redeems their foolish actions by wrapping them in a story that you just can't help but get caught up in.

If you like a good neo-noir anchored by a solid cast, then give this one a go.

B

Midnighters is available now on VOD.

Alex Essoe and Perla Haney-Jardine.

Screener Review: Hellraiser: Judgement (2018)

"Well, it's not the worst entry in the series."

Pleasure and pain. That's what it is to be a Hellraiser fan these days.

Remember a few years back when the fine lads over at Dimension Films gave us the cheap cash-in that was Hellraiser: Revelations? You can read our review HERE if you need a refresher, but suffice it to say that it was really bad, in a really big way. Well, it's seven years later, and they're at it again, but this time it looks as if they might have gotten it right. Or at least more right than they did with Revelations.

I mean, how could anything be worse than that piece of shit was?

Pinhead is trying his best to adapt to modern times, because it ain't easy luring new souls to their doom, because the Internet is full of porn or something. Enter The Auditor, who has a plan to bring the best sinners on Earth to Hell. Craigslist!

HE NEEDS A NEW COMPUTER.

On Earth, a child murderer is lured to a house with the promise of a reward. There he meets The Auditor, who straps the creep to a chair, and hooks him to an intravenous typewriter, which records his sins. Then, The Assessor comes in, eats the pages of liquid confession, and pukes it into a tube, where it's sent to a trio of naked, faceless chicks (The Jurys) for them to run their hands through, so that they can pronounce him guilty. Then he's licked clean by a trio of old ladies, after which the morbidly obese Butcher comes in and lets a chick in fetish gear out of a sack, where she slices the pedo up.

IT'S A COMPLICATED PROCESS.

Elsewhere, there's a Serial Killer on the loose called The Preceptor, who kills sinful souls who dare break any of the Ten Commandments. A trio of detectives (two brothers and a hot chick) are hot on his trail, which leads one of them to the very same house where The Auditor awaits him. From that point on, it's Cenobites trying to claim souls; Angels trying to save them; and clueless humans trying to catch a murderer.

Somehow, this all ties together. You'll see.

"YES THAT LOOKS LIKE A CLUE TO ME."

I'll say this: The movie opens strong, and when it's focused on the hellish side of its story, it's fairly impressive. The FX work is solid, and it all feels dirty and forbidden in a dark way. The Auditor was a pretty cool addition to the Cenobite ranks, and he gave us a Dr. Channard vibe, in a way. The inclusion of Jophiel the Angel was really cool, and it would have been nice to see the story focus more on her and her involvement with the darker aspect of things.

The big question though has to be "How was Pinhead?" Well, the Pinhead of Judgment came nowhere near Doug Bradley's perfect portrayal in the earlier films, but he was hell and gone better than the embarrassing Pinhead of Revelations, and he was pretty serviceable overall. It's definitely a step in a better direction.

Where the movie loses steam, is when it jumps to the detectives storyline. I know this was made on a small budget, but the talking and investigating made things grind to a halt, momentum-wise, more often than not.The plot was a bit busy and was sloppily executed in places, and the dialogue could have been sharper too.

Overall though, not bad at all.

THIS GUY HAS POTENTIAL.

Lots of blood and grotesque acts in this one, but some of the kills weren't shown in graphic detail. Must have been a budget thing. That opening sequence though... it'll make you queasy.

THE "JESUS WEPT" LINE WAS A MISSTEP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT OUT.

Sexy women abound throughout, though they mostly stay clothed. The Jury girls get naked and wet, and that's about it on the graphic nudity front.

SEXY, EVEN WITH NO FACE.

Hellraiser needs another big budget effort, and it desperately needs Doug Bradley back as Pinhead, if it's going to come close to the quality of the original movies.

LOVE THIS GUY.

I didn't hate it. I was waiting for Hellraiser: Judgment to be another cheap piece of shit that only served to lessen the Hellraiser name even more than the last five sequels did, but it got some things right, and did others pretty well, and I kinda dug it, despite its obvious flaws.

If you're dying to see a new Hellraiser flick, and can live with a few flaws, then give it a go. Just take it all with a grain of salt.

C+

Hellraiser: Judgment hits Blu-ray, DVD, & VOD now.

Hellraiser Judgment features a bevy of lovely ladies, but we're extra keen on Helena Grace Donald who played the angel, Jophiel. She special.

Screener Review: Inoperable (2018)

"Danielle Harris vs. a Haunted Hurricane."

When we received this screener for Inoperable, we thought "A new Danielle Harris flick, this ought to be good!" Because honestly, as self-respecting Horror fans, we have to recognize Danielle Harris as one of the greatest Scream Queens of all-time. She's just had a hell of a career, and she always entertains. Also, cute as a button.

As a flick where we got to see Danielle Harris being the damsel in distress for 90-minutes, Inoperable was all good.

As far as the movie being all good overall... well that's a different story.

Anyone who has ever been to Tampa Bay has no doubt wanted to escape it, and Danielle Harris is no exception. She's trying to get out of town in her bitchin' 80's-style corvette before a Category-5 Hurricane Sybil hits. Stuck in a traffic jam, listening to a song that sounds like a failed American Idol audition, she... wakes up in a hospital bed?

MAYBE SHE CRASHED?

The hospital seems to be abandoned, and coincidentally looks like a hurricane ran through its halls. She gets dressed and searches for a way out, failing to notice that there are spirits roaming the halls with her... but then nurse and doctors and patients start showing up, none of whom seem to notice her. Then in another blink, she's back in her car, trying to escape Tampa.

WE HAVE NO IDEA EITHER, DANIELLE.

Is Danielle Harris stuck in a time loop? Is the hurricane haunted? What in the hell is going on here?!? Far be it from us to spoil things for you, but suffice it to say that it will all make sense in the end. Not good sense, but sense.

OOPS, THIS MUST BE THE PROCTOLOGY LAB.

Danielle Harris is always fun to watch, even if the movie she's starring in doesn't offer much, which is the case here. Inoperable is a boring mess of a movie, that has an interesting idea going for it, but never really does anything compelling or scary with it. Sure, there's some good gore throughout, and Danielle Harris is a gem, but it felt like this movie was little more than her running around the hospital hallways, looking scared, and jumping back and forth in time.

There's a point to the "jumps" that happen throughout, and had the reveal at the very end happened about halfway through, this would have been a better movie. Or at least, a more interesting one.
 
Truth be told, as much as we love DH, it's Katie Keene that does the best work here. Hotness aside, Keene actually makes the film (and the bad acting going on all around her), a bit more watchable.

LOOKS LIKE HE LOST HIS HEAD. ZING!

Syringe violence, graphic surgery, a close-up of a brain, and various other hospital-themed moments of bloody fun throughout.

WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?!?

Katie Keene looks sexy throughout, but no nudity to be found here.

OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU'RE MISSING THEM!

Inoperable is not a good movie. It's boasts a pair of pretty starlets, and it has some solid FX work going for it, but it's not scary or intense in the least, and it's a bit of a mess plot-wise.

If you dig Danielle Harris, or want to discover the greatness of Katie Keene, then check it out. Otherwise, it's a hard pass.

D+

Inoperable is available now on DVD and VOD.

Katie Keene is a hot little sassbox.