VOD Review: Split (2017)

"For us, the end justified the means."

What I'm trying to say is that Split was a decent enough psychological thriller, even though it was a bit long and didn't offer much in the way of incident until the end... but that ending... that ending...

I can't, and won't, talk about that ending here, because I know that there's still plenty of peeps out there who haven't seen this movie yet, but I will say that the way the story ended, made us a bit giddy with anticipation as to what comes next with this story... and what comes next is going to be awesome.

M. Night Shyamalanananan may just be returning to form after such a long string of disappointing efforts.

On their way to a birthday party, three teenage girls are kidnapped by a guy who looks a lot like a young Professor X. They're locked in a dank room (presumably in a sex dungeon of some sort), where it turns out the kidnapper is actually Dennis, a stern germophobe... but then he's Patricia, a kind lady who seems up to no good... but then he's Hedwig, a 9-year-old boy... Whoever he really is, it's clear that he's got some issues.

THE FACT THAT HE'S TELLING THEM TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM TERRIFIES HER MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Why this guy with Split personalities has kidnapped the girls is a mystery, but when they get wind that another of his personalities, The Beast, will be arriving shortly to teach them a lesson, they start to panic; especially Casey, who is the level-headed one of the group. She's also had a pretty rough life, so she's not about to put up with the rantings of a madman, and so she seeks to manipulate his personalities in an effort to escape.

And that's all we're saying about that.

YEAH, HE LOOKS LIKE A BALL OF JOY, DOESN'T HE?

Split is a well-made, interesting thriller that has a great cast and a very disturbing premise... that it doesn't really do much with. James McAvoy owns the screen with his performance, and Anya-Taylor Joy lends a ton of credibility to the final girl trope in this one, but Shamalayananan doesn't ever really deliver on the great set-up that he's constructed.

It's good, but it's basically an above-average PG-13 Horror movie, and you know that means little in the way of boundary pushing.

James McAvoy has always been a hell of an actor, and I don't men his work in the X-men movies; if you want to see him set the screen on fire, go watch Trance or Filth, both are great flicks. His work here, as the... thing... with multiple personalities is something extra special to behold. Most of the movie is him jumping from personality to personality, and making us uneasy as hell, and he pulls it off brilliantly.

Anya-Taylor Joy is an actress coming into her own as well. Not only is she adorable, but she's one of the best young actresses of her generation, and she plays the part of clever victim here flawlessly. The backstory that gives her character its disturbing depth was maybe the creepiest part of the movie, and she sold it perfectly.

And then there's the twist at the end... the thing that made us immediately think back over the whole movie and see it in a different light. It didn't make it any more thrilling, but it did make it, and what comes next, a hell of a lot more intriguing and kick-ass. I imagine that with the way things go with the Internet, that you may have already heard what it was, but if for some reason you haven't, then read nothing about the move and give it a watch... and you might be as geekily surprised as we were.

WHEN IT COMES TO MANIPULATION, CREEPY DUDES HAVE NOTHING ON TEENAGE GIRLS.

Things get a bit bloody towards the end, but it's more disturbing than it is graphic.

"HA! NO GORE FOR YOU!"

It's PG-13, so no nudity, but there are plenty of shots of girls in their undies.

RELAX, GIRLS, YOU CAN STAY DRESSED.

The very end, where we find out that... well, you'll know when you see it.

SHE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING EITHER.

Split was decent enough, if a bit pedestrian given its subject matter, but the performance of James McAvoy and the huge twist/reveal at the end kicked this one up a solid letter grade for us.

For those two reasons alone, Split is worth checking out if you passed on it in the theater like we did.

B+

Split is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

The captivating women of Split: Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, and Jessica Sula.

VOD Review: Emelie (2016)

"These Lifetime Movies of the Week keep getting better and better."

There are two types of movies that make up the very small Babysitter sub-genre in Horror:

1- A sweet innocent babysitter/nanny is put in danger and must fight for their life. The danger usually comes in Slasher or Supernatural form. (Halloween, When a Stranger Calls, House of the Devil.)

2- A babysitter/nanny puts her charge(s) in danger, because they're either evil, psychotic, or they're Supernaturally charged themselves. (The Guardian, When the Hand Rocks the Cradle, The Omen.)

Either of those very basic plots can be excellent when done right, but when they're done wrong, they end up feeling like some harder-edged Lifetime Movie of the Week... which is usually not a good thing at all.

For better and worse, Emelie is a little bit of both.

A girl named Anna is kidnapped off of the street in broad daylight.

Later, as a mother and father are getting ready for a much needed night out (which ends up being a five hour dinner), their babysitter cancels on them, but says that her BFF Anna can fill in for her. Being shitty parents, they decide that leaving their kids with an absolute stranger is a fine idea, because they really need a night out.

"WELL, WE CERTAINLY FEEL GREAT ABOUT LEAVING OUR SMALL CHILDREN WITH YOU, GIRL WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE IN OUR LIVES."

Dad picks up Anna, whose name is really Emelie, and they head out for their big night, just knowing that they've left their kids in capable hands. Once mom and dad drive away however, Emelie begins to do some creepy and wholly inappropriate things with the kids: she has they tear up the furniture; paint on the walls; play dress up with forbidden clothing; she feeds the daughter's gerbil to the oldest son's python; asks the oldest son to help her with her tampon...

"IT'S HEAVY THIS MONTH, SO REALLY WORK IT IN THERE FOR ME, WOULD YA, KID?"

The oldest son, Jacob, eventually catches on to her game, and realizes that she isn't who she claims to be, and that they're all in trouble; especially the youngest son, Christopher, who Emelie has gone completely gaga over. From here on out, Emelie and Jacob become embroiled in a cat-and-mouse game that rivals anything that has ever aired on the Lifetime Network.

WHAT A TWIST THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN...

When Emelie works, it works fairly well. Early on, there's a lot of tension that runs through the movie that is undeniable, and when Emelie starts subjecting the kids to her cruel brand of fun-time activities, things get very uncomfortable. Most of the credit for that belongs to Sarah Bolger; as sweet as she may look, the girl plays darkly psychotic really well. She's far and away the best actor in this movie, and without her, I don't even know if it would have been palatable for me.

"LET ME READ FOR YOU THE STORY OF MY PEOPLE."

The main problem is that when Emelie does start to get disturbing, the filmmakers slam on the breaks and seem content to let the creepy shit happen around the periphery. The tampon scene went about as far as it could (and was a sufficient WTF moment), but everything else felt restrained. Most of it felt like something that could play on TV with no censorship whatsoever, which is fine, but what kind of an impact do filmmakers expect to make when they don't push potentially uncomfortable material like this as far as it can go?

I don't even know how far I think they should have pushed it, but all I'm saying is that there really wasn't one time throughout this movie where I was worried for the kids, or on the edge of my seat about anything. Sarah Bolger was compelling, and she kept things interesting for the most part, but this is one Thriller that doesn't really offer too many thrills.

NOW, IF SHE WOULD HAVE FED THE KID TO THE SNAKE...

It's really the script that's to blame for the movie's issues. Not only does it not make the most out of its creepy premise, and of Sarah Bolger's fantastically convincing performance as the mentally unstable babysitter, but it's so predictable and full of familiar tropes, that you can pretty much imagine how the movie is going to play out, step by step, right up to the point where the credits roll.

Not only is most of it predictable, but it's equally as implausible. How did Emelie know about the family, their babysitter, and her best friend who was going to fill in for her? And why would Emelie wait for so long into the evening to do what it was she came there to do? "Let's terrorize the kids, and then when the parents are on the way home, let's scramble like mad to execute the plan?" I know she was a nutjob, but come on.

THEY LOOK SO HAPPY.

And honestly, what kind of 11-year-old kid can't pick up a phone and dial 911? I yelled "Call your damn parents!" at Jacob multiple times, but I came to realize that in this day and age of cellphones, a kid like that might not know their number by heart. Hell, most adults don't know many phone numbers by heart anymore, because they don't need to. But 911? EVERYONE knows that number, and what it's for.

And what was with the flip phones and the VHS tape? Is this movie set in the 90's or something?

And what kind of asshole parents would leave their kids with a girl they've never met before, even if she was pretending to be a friend of a friend?

I'd really like to see a French Horror filmmaker do a movie like Emelie, because they'd probably be able to push the subject matter to the most horrific point, and maximize its terrifying potential... which would have made us care far less about the story elements that didn't quite ring true.

EMELIE BY WAY OF MARTYRS OR INSIDE WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL.

A babysitter is beaten to a pulp; and arm is cut; a gerbil meets a cruel end; and there's some fireworks violence and a car crash. Most of it is pretty tame.

SHE GOT KNOCKED THE FUGG OUT!

Nope. Not that kind of movie.

LOVELY, BUT FULLY CLOTHED.

If some strange substitute babysitter whom you've never met before shows up at your door, forget your special night and stay home. What kind of parents are you?

GIRL, YOU GOT SOME ISSUES.

I know it sounds like I hated this movie, but truth be told, Emelie is a decent movie that is kept from being good (or even great) by its own muddled mechanics. For me personally, I was happy to see this one just to watch Sarah Bolger do her thing, because she did it very well, but in the end I was left with a feeling of "well, that happened" when the credits started to roll.

All told, I'm probably being a bit generous with the grade here, but the movie is not without its merit.

C

Emelie is available now on VOD.

Sarah Bolger can babysit us anytime.

Blu-ray Review: The Treatment (2015)

There's something about Foreign Crime Thrillers that captivates and unsettles us like no other. I don't know if it's because they're grittier, or because they tend to feel heavier and more realistic than most of their U.S. counterparts do, but they always seem to get to us in a more profound way.

To us, The Treatment plays much like I Saw the Devil; it's a fantastic, well-made movie on all fronts, but damn it if it isn't also bleak and uncomfortable as hell to watch at the same time. We're glad that Artsploitation Films sees the beauty and merit in disturbing films like this, or else we probably wouldn't even know that it exists, and what a shame that would be.

Disclaimer: We don't usually put warnings before our reviews, because you're adults, and as Horror fans, you're built tough enough to endure even the nastiest of on-screen things. If however the topic of sexual abuse, especially as it pertains to children, is something that you just cant (or choose not to) deal with while watching a movie, then you may want to skip this one, as it centers around that topic in a very real way.

This is a fantastic movie in many ways, but it's also a very tough one to watch.

Detective Nick Cafmeyer has had a rough life. As a child, he witnessed his younger brother being abducted by a local creeper, only to never see him again. He has had to live with the fact that he was probably abused and murdered and worse, ever since, and it has made him into a dark shell of a man. It doesn't help matters that the not only did the guy who did went free because of insufficient evidence, but that he still shows up every year on Nick's birthday to taunt him about it. Fucker.

THAT SON OF A BITCH!

When a local boy does missing, after his family was bound & gagged while an unseen intruder abused him and then took him away, Nick becomes convinced that it is somehow connected to his brother's disappearance. As he delves deeper and deeper into the sick world of the pedophiles that seem to be all around him, Nick begins to lose his shit, and rightly so.

MAN, YOU NEVER WATCH A BAG FULL OF VIDEOTAPES GIVEN TO YOU BY A CHILD MOLESTER. NOT EVER. 

We're not going to say anything else about the plot here, because to do so would do this film a great disservice by spoiling its twists, turns, and reveals. We will say though that you had better be prepared to flinch uncomfortably, and even look away from the screen from time to time, because this movie gets progressively darker as the minutes go by, and that darkness never really lets up. 

HE NEEDS A HUG. AND SO DID WE AFTER WATCHING THIS MOVIE.

The Treatment is gritty, realistic Crime Thriller that dives into the topics of child abuse, pedophilia, and even child pornography head first, and holds nothing back in its attempt to tell its story. Most of the nastiness is alluded to, and it's talked about rather than shown, but there are some pictures and glimpses of video footage depicting said acts that are tough to see. I personally had to look away a few times.

As the film shows us more and more about what happened to the abducted children, it gets pretty uncomfortable to watch. There's one big reveal which makes the depraved goings on turn from horrible, to downright abominable, but that's really the strength of the film; uncovering the everyday atrocity of child abuse, and throwing it right in our face. It wasn't done to be exploitational or shocking, but that doesn't make it any easier to stomach. In fact, the dead-serious tone of the movie might have made it even worse. 

And that ending...

Uncomfortable subject matter aside, The Treatment is a well-made Thriller that had us chewing our nails as its "whodunit" plot unfolded. It was like Se7en meets 8MM, with shades of Prisoners (2013) thrown into the mix, only the resulting film was seen through a much more disturbing lens. Director Hans Herbots knows his pacing, and he certainly knows how to tell an effective, gripping story. If this level of storytelling is what's going on in Belgium, then we need to see more Belgian films.

As we're not up on much of Belgian cinema (or its acting talent), most of the cast were new to us. Geert Van Rampelberg (now that's a name) was excellent as Nick, and after seeing what he is capable of as an actor, we're going to have to go seek out some of his TV work like Salamander and Cordon. Hopefully we'll see him in some more movies down the line. Laura Verlinden was also great as one of the victims of "The Troll."

The entire cast did their jobs really well.  

THAT POOR WOMAN...

When your kid tells you that there's a troll at his window, listen to him. Also, there are some sick fucking people in this world, and they all need to go to sleep tonight and not wake up in the morning.

OR MAYBE WE JUST LET THE COPS PUT THEM ALL DOWN. THAT'LL WORK TOO.

If you can deal with its tough subject matter, The Treatment is an excellent film. We're suckers for any story involving a man on the edge trying to get justice (or revenge) for those who have been wronged, especially when those poor unfortunates are children, and that is exactly what this movie is.

Artsploitation Films has been bringing some fantastic foreign genre movies to the global market for years now, but they've really kicked it into high gear in 2015 with movies like Cub, Horsehead, Reckless, and now, The Treatment. Going forward, we'll be seeking out anything that they release in the U.S., and so should you.

A-

The Treatment is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Laura Verlinden is a Belgian QT whom we hope to see more of in the future.