Netflix Review: The Ritual (2018)

"Netflix hits gold with its latest Horror acquisition."

Sure, The Ritual feels more than a little bit like a British spin on The Blair Witch, what with the weird symbols and figures all over the place, but that would hardly be a fair comparison. Yes, it's set in the woods, and sure there's an entity of some sort stalking a group of nature lovers to their deaths, but it's truly got its own thing going on.

Director David Bruckner -who gave us one of the better Horror Anthologies in recent years, Southbound (review HERE)-  has hit a new high with this one, which we think is his best film to date.

*Mild monster spoilers ensue below.

After their mate Rob is murdered in a tragic chip shop robbery, four blokes decide to go for a hike in Sweden to honor his memory. One of the lads, Luke, was with Rob during the robbery, but he bitched out and hid while the robbers confronted and murdered him, so he is naturally carrying around a lot of guilt.

THEY COULDN'T HAVE BUILT HIM A SHRINE IN ENGLAND? WHERE IT'S MUCH SAFER?

When one of the guys falls and hurts his knee, the group decides to take a shortcut through a nearby forest to reach their destination, because as if a nature hike doesn't sound like a shitty enough vacation for four 40-year-old guys to take together, a quick jaunt into the isolated forest makes even more sense.

NOPE.

Of course, there's danger in them thar woods, and it comes in the form of a massive creature that is hungry for human blood. It also likes messing with their dreams, because it's apparently a vengeful god of some sort,

ALL HAIL SNIVENGUTENGORTEN, GOD OF HEADLESS STRAW FIGURES!

The Ritual is Backwoods Horror done right. In most films of this kind, we get a gang of dumb-ass characters making stupid decisions which see them trapped in some remote place, looking a sure death right in the face. Most of those characters tend to annoy too, which makes it worse. In The Ritual though, not only do the filmmakers do a great job of turning the Swedish countryside from stunningly gorgeous to dark and forbidding with ease, but the cast is top-notch, and the situation that they get themselves into is believable one.

The Norse mythology is thick in this one, with the Jōtunn being a giant, godlike creature, who is said to be a child of Loki by its worshippers, although they dare not speak its name; as well as the hanging aspect of things screaming Odin. That whole aesthetic was a really great touch that made what could have been a run-of-the-mill backwoods Horror story into something different, and dare I say, special.

It's a moody piece that emotes waves of quiet dread in a very effective way. This could have been just another B-grade Horror flick, but director David Bruckner and his cast made it into something more.

YES, YOU SHOULD TURN BACK NOW.

The ending threw us a bit. It's a straight-forward ending, and it wraps the story of one character up nicely, but I personally wanted a bit more of a prelude to chew on. Not the biggest issue, but it just felt abrupt.

APPARENTLY RURAL SWEDEN HAS NOT GOTTEN WIND OF THE #METOO MOVEMENT QUITE YET.

We've said it so many times over the years, that we figured everyone would have learned by now: Stay out of the damn woods, especially when you're in a foreign country. You don't know whats in those woods. Killers, demons, angry reindeer... just stay on the main path, avoid shortcuts, and you will survive your journey!

MAIN PATH, GENTLEMEN!

The violence and gore in this one is timely and effective, but not overly-plentiful.

THAT'S A BIG DOG.

Well, there is some naked man flesh on display, but it's not mean to be sexy.

YOU'RE GROWN MEN. ENOUGH WITH THE SELFIES!

The cast is solid, the location (which the cinematography brings to eerie life) is suitably terrifying, and the monster that lurks in the woods is a unique one. The Ritual is a very solid film that really deserved a theatrical run, and at the very least, deserves to have everyone who loves Horror check it out on Netflix.

A

The Ritual is streaming on Netflix now.

This movie is mainly populated by men, but there is some femininity to be found.

Netflix Review: The Babysitter (2017)

"If John Hughes made a Horror movie..."

A great Horror Comedy is a rare thing.
 
Over the past few years, some really great Horror Comedies have come our way. Movies like Deathgasm, Cooties, What We Do in the Shadows, The Final Girls, and Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse have entertained the hell out of us in their own special ways, and they stand above their peers in quality.

We're happy to say that The Babysitter can join that short list with pride, as it's the most fun we've had watching a genre flick all year.

*This review is going to contain some spoiler-ish material, but we won't spoil anything the trailer didn't give away.

Cole is a timid yet lovable 12-year-old kid who's afraid of needles, gets bullied at school, and has the hottest babysitter that has ever been know to man, Bee. Bee is a sexy, witty, closet nerd who really likes Cole, and they spend their time together nerding-out about Sci-Fi flicks and discussing how Cole should put the moves on the neighbor girl.

BUT UNDERSTANDABLY, COLE IS A BIT TOO IN LOVE WITH BEE TO GO MESSING WITH OTHER GIRLS.

Bee is also an insane Satanist who needs sacrificial blood to make the dark spells in her evil book come to life. Cole is supposed to be sleeping when Bee and her Satanic Scooby Gang decide to offer their latest sacrifice to Gog, but instead he witnesses the act, which puts him at deadly odds with Bee.

...and we've already said too much.

SHE'S ABOUT TO LOSE HER SHIT.

Gory, funny as hell, sexy, and oddly touching, The Babysitter is one of the best genre flicks that we've seen this year. Somehow, McG made the crazy plot (and even crazier visuals) work, where they should have made for a silly mess of a flick.

And the real surprise was that the movie had some sentimentality going for it, in the form of Bee and Cole's friendship. Sure, Bee is a crazy Satanist and all, but she genuinely cares for Cole, and the way that played out gave the movie a John Hughes-esque quality. Samara Weaving and Judah Lewis made the movie special.

Speaking of Samara Weaving (Hugo's niece), she's a star in the making. Not only is she gorgeous, but she's got range; she's got these insane looking eyes that go from wicked to tender on command, and even though she's the movie's big bad, we couldn't help but love her character. She was the heart of this movie, and she rocked it.

And to be honest, everyone else in the cast delivered as well, every one of them making us laugh. Robbie Amell is surprisingly funny, and I don't know where in the hell Andrew Bachelor came from, but dude had us rolling.

The only part of the movie that didn't jibe with us was the part with the car, but that's a small thing considering how much fun the rest of the movie was.

AND LET US NOT FORGET ABOUT BELLA. SHE SPECIAL.

The blood flows freely in this one, including some creative fire poker usage, gun violence, throat slitting, and neck skewering.

HE PROBABLY HAS AIDS NOW.

Aside from Robbie Amell going shirtless, there's no nudity here. There is, however, a kiss between Samara Weaving and Bella Thorne that makes the sapphic kisses from movies like Jennifer's Body and Wild Things look like amateur hour.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

"All that blood was just in his boner."
"Carrie would have been better is she was black. She would have been covered in Hennessy."
"What the hell are you wearing? Lookin' like Big Bird's side-bitch."
"Why is he shirtless?"

BIG BIRD'S SIDE-BITCH.

Wat a genuinely pleasant surprise this movie was. Where we expected The Babysitter to underwhelm, it instead spent 90-minutes making us laugh, and left us marveling at how clever it all was. McG still has a stupid name, but if he keeps making movies like this, we might just end up being fans of his.

See it, and see it now.

A-

The Babysitter is streaming now on Netflix.

Samara and Bella might be the sexiest babysitter tandem ever.

VOD Review: The Hexecutioners (2017)

"A slow burn of an Indie film that delivers the creepy goods."

(aka Sky Burial.)
Release Date: May 5th, 2017.
Country: Canada.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Tony Burgess.
Directed by: Jesse Thomas Cook.
Starring: Liv Collins, Sarah Power, and Timothy Burd.

I've been putting off watching this movie for months, and I'm not exactly sure why. It's got two hot lead actresses, it boasts a fairly unique set-up, and it's written by the guy who wrote Pontypool, so at face value, it should be a decent flick, right?

Well that's exactly what it is; a decent Horror flick that gets more right than it does wrong.

Three years ago, Proposition 117 was passed, making assisted-suicide legal in (presumably) Canada and the United States. This of course leads to right-to-die companies popping up all over the place, because, capitalism. In the present day, Malison McCourt is a mousy wallflower of a girl who is starting a new job as an assisted-suicide nurse at one such company. She really has no idea what she's getting herself into, and her first day shows her that being an angel of mercy sent to give suffering people the sweet release that they so desperately wish for (and need), isn't going to be an easy gig at all.

SHE HAD A ROUGH FIRST DAY.

She's eventually paired up with the sexy, confident Olivia, who is tasked with showing her the assisted-suicide ropes, and how to be a sex kitten with minimal effort. The two of them travel to a remote Owen Sound mansion where they are to help their newest client head into the great beyond via a "Sky Ritual", which really sounds like it might involve Satan somehow.

"WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR WHAT CHAPTER THREE SAYS."

Their stay in the mansion introduces them to a creepy caretaker of sorts named Edgar; sees Malison having all manner of disturbing, and possibly prophetic dreams; and the relationship between the two girls gets pretty intense, and almost ends in lesbian hi-jinks... until it's revealed that Olivia is a prude, although I suppose that with all of the supernatural craziness that they're about to unleash, that's probably for the best.

Sky ritual madness ensues.

INSERT CRUDE "EARNING HER RED WINGS" JOKE HERE.

The Hexecutioners isn't a perfect movie, but it's a well-made Indie that boasts a great location, some sharp camera work, has atmosphere to spare, and it offers something different in a Genre where so many plots feel the same, even if it devolves into familiar territory towards the end. We did like how the ending went to places that we didn't expect it to though.

While the plot of The Hexecutioners is centered around the issue of assisted suicide, it never tries to preach to us and tell us that one side of that debate is the best one to be on. This is a Horror movie, not a political debate, so that's how it should be. That premise does make for a fairly original narrative though, and it works rather well, despite that fact that it's bound to divide audiences on the core issue.

Liv Collins has only starred in three full-length movies (all of them being Horror), but she's got a presence that makes it seem like she's been doing this for years. She's not only pretty, but she's compelling to watch, especially given the turns that her character goes through. Sarah Power was fantastic as the sexy Olivia, and while her resume is a bit longer than her co-star's, this is still the first thing we've seen her in as well. Hopefully they'll both show up in more movies soon, because they did a great job here. 

"SO THEN THAT'S A HARD NO ON THE SCISSOR-KISSING, RIGHT?"

There are some bloody good moments and kills towards the end, and plenty of disturbing imagery throughout.

GINGER AND THE BEAST.

Sarah Power goes topless in what just might be the best scene in the movie. Also, Liv Collins takes a bath. The two of them almost have some lesbian sex too, but that was not to be, which was really disappointing.

YOU DON'T WANT US TO STARE, THEN DON'T TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND STAND THERE LOOKING ALL SEXY!

Assisted-suicide is not something that should ever become corporate-owned. Also, all redheads are crazy.

SWEET AND DEMURE MY ASS.

An above average effort, The Hexecutioners delivers the supernatural goods for the most part, even if its two lead actresses are its strongest asset. Both of them were new by us, and they made the movie, which was decent enough on its own, better for their presence.

Give it a rent when you're in the mood for something a bit different.

C+

The Hexecutioners is available now on VOD and DVD.

The movie's two gorgeous angels of death, Liv Collins and Sarah Power.