April 23, 2010

Review: The Dead Outside (2010)

"Just as good as Romero's latest zombie offering..."

Cast Members of Note- Sandra Louise Douglas, Alton Milne, and Sharon Osdin.

In the long line of viral world-killing epidemics, The Dead Outside is another tale of a world ravaged by evil bacteria. This time though, it's the "antidote" that turns the simply infected into stark raving mad viral zombie things, whom are angry, paranoid, and seem to bleed from the mouth a lot.

Even when dead, they still bleed profusely from the mouth.
One of the survivors, Daniel, breaks into a farmhouse owned by another survivor, April, who instead of shooting him like any smart person under these circumstances would, lets him stay. Alone in the middle of the Scottish Countryside, the two of them form an alliance rife with mistrust, secrets, and a lot of arguing in thick Scottish accents.

She has trust issues.
As if April's bitter ranting and piss-poor attitude weren't bad enough, another stranger shows up and they let her stay too... which of course is when everything just turns to total shit. Will trusting strangers finally spell the end for April and Daniel? Can they fend off the roaming infected zombies, and make a happy life on the farm together? Will Daniel realize that April is only 16-years-old, and he should stop hitting on her? I don't know about any of that, but this dog is really awesome.

Seriously, this dog's name should be Awesome!
The Dead Outside was interesting. It was moody, dark, and the characters were just likable enough for me to mostly care about what happened to them. The whole "viral zombie" thing is wearing a little thin on me, especially since the movies that fall into that category all tend to walk the same lines, but then again something about that premise also excites me and compels me to watch. The atmosphere of this movie was nice and dreary, and presented to us in an almost washed out fashion, which adds to the dread of it all. For what it was, it did its job fairly well.

She is the hero, not an infected zombie.
When are people in these movies going to stop with the "we have to help them!" and the "we can't just turn them away!" routine. You CAN turn them away, and you should. The more people, the more drama, and the last thing you need in a world-gone-zombie is a bunch of people with different agendas screwing up the works because you didn't tell them to piss off.

Don't listent  him, shoot!
There were points in this movie at which I had no clue what they were saying. Of course I'm an American, which means I'm lazy and my linguistic skills suck, but the Scottish accent was just a wee bit thick at times.

"I... I don't understand what we're saying either."
This one is light on the gore, though there is some blood and "zombie" violence to be had if you look close and quick enough.

Nope. Scottish people apparently do not get naked.

Shoot first, trust later.

Just like that.
there's really nothing new to see here, but I found myself having a pretty good time watching this one despite the fact. The farm setting was interesting, and it was better than most low budget zombie movies tend to be, but it just lacked that certain "kick" to make me love it. It's worth checking out, especially if you're a fan of zombie flicks, just keep the expectations low and and everything should work out just fine.



She looks like a bundle of joy, doesn't she? Still, there's something cute about her...

April 15, 2010

Review: Survival of the Dead (2010)

"Maybe George Romero is just happy with middle of the road film making these days..."

Cast Members of Note- Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe, Alan Van Sprang, and a bunch of other Irish people named O'Shea and Flannery. Directed by- George Romero

SOTD is the newest entry in George Romero's Dead Series. This time around we have a group of misfit soldiers gone AWOL that need a place to hide out, who happen to learn via the Internet (?!?) that there's an island waiting just for them, to keep them safe and sound from the Zombie Apocalypse and the dangers of an impending court-marshal

I'd rather face the Court-martial.
Little do they know that Safety Island is full of feuding Irish folk, who really like killing each other, and are trying to train the zombies to eat other things besides humans. Doesn't sound so safe to me... then again I don't trust the Irish. Never have. Sorry Grandma, I never trusted you! The point is, why get in the middle of an old Irish feud, Zombie Apocalypse or not?

Aren't zombie kids cute? Apparently they're trainable too...
It's not long before the stupid people and their stupid ideas get everyone into a heap of zombie trouble, and it's up to the soldier boys to crack wise and kick some zombie ass. If you have ever seen a Romero zombie flick, there really isn't much more too it than that. You know the drill; a wandering group of people encounter tons of zombies and face moral dilemmas that wake us up to the ills of society, and in the end we the audience learn a little something about how humanity sucks. That's a Romero zombie flick for ya.

What a great shot of zombies dueling. Who knew they could duel?
If you like Romero's zombie style, the newest addition to his fold should satisfy you. It's a decent enough time killer that delivers the zombie goods, though not in very spectacular fashion. I guess with his most recent movies, I'm a little tired of the social commentary bit. I LOVED Land of the Dead, but Diary of the Dead gave me fucking fits for various reasons. This one lands right in the middle of those two for me.

I love George Romero. He seems like a cool guy, he doesn't take anyone's shit, and he's made some all-time Classic Horror movies... what's not to love? There's a part of me though, that wishes he would just give us an all out zombie bloodbath of a movie, and stop trying to be topical. It's not really maverick filmmaking anymore like it was in the 60's, 70's, or even the 80's, because today's audience "already knows" everything, and to me it feels like preaching that falls on deaf ears.

Also, I have to say that this movie's hero, played by Alan Van Sprang, is nowhere near as bad-ass as his character on The Tudors (Showtime.) He's awesome on that show, and not just because the eye patch looks cool. While we're on the subject, King Henry VIII had some issues. Just sayin'.

Van Sprang as the one-eyed assassin.
After a worldwide Zombie Apocalypse that has basically crippled the planet, are you telling me that the Internet is still up and functional, and that people are still updating their Twitter accounts? Pirate radio or local TV I can buy, but to me it seems as if keeping the Internet alive and functional would be near impossible. Hell, I can barely get online half of the time now, and my cable company swears everything is working "right."

This is basically how Comcast treats me.
Shoot them. Shoot them all. Why in the hell would you want to attempt to train millions of zombies to eat animals, instead of just putting one in their heads? Do you know how long that would take, how dangerous it would be, and how much wasted effort would be needed? Kill them, and when a human dies, put one in their head to avoid the inevitable.

Tim McGraw goes in for the zombie kiss.
SOTD is filled with most of your typical zombie movie gore; gut munching, flesh ripping, blood spraying, exploding heads, etc... it's just about in line with what you have come to expect from Romero and his Horror flicks for the most part.

Just kiss her, man!
Nope. This one is sexless save for one brief scene of a lesbian playing with herself while fully clothed. What a tease. Romero has never been known for making boob-filled sex romps anyhow, so it's nothing we expected anyhow

George Romero is not making the best zombie movies around anymore. Also, rehabilitation is bullshit. Pedo's, rapists, rabid dogs, zombies... just put them down and move on.

Someone needs to Old Yeller this bitch!
Better than the annoying Diary of the Dead, but not as good as Land of the Dead (which I can't help but watch every time it's on cable), SOTD is a decent watch that should (might) satisfy most zombie lovers out there. It was a little on the campy side of things for me, as I prefer my zombie movies either creepy and gory, or funny, not both. Still, it felt mostly like a Romero movie, and although it's only the 5th best of the series (of 6), it's worth a watch.



What cute little lasses, or whatever the Irish slang for girl is.

April 5, 2010

10 Horror Eyes- April 2010

Is there a Horror movie out there that doesn't offer at least one close-up of someone's eyes during its runtime? We sure hope not, because we just can't get enough of them. They're windows to the soul, you know.

So once again, let us celebrate the ocular images that add that extra tension and emotion to our favorite films. *We mean that as a generality, as these are not necessarily our favorite films. Then again, they're not necessarily not our favorite films either. Could go either way.


Self-Loathing Eyes (Art of the Devil)
That Little Girl is Gonna Die Eyes (Blood Creek)
Don't Touch Him! Eyes (Carriers)
Sexy Milf Eyes (The Collector)
She's Alive! Eyes (The Descent 2)
Her Finale Eyes? (Finale)
Mircea Monroe's Credit Eye (Growth)
"Oh Crap, Here He Comes!" Eyes (Intruder)
Dead Wife Eye (Pandorum)
Anal Justice Eyes (Poultrygeist)