Giallo Month Review: What Have You Done to Solange (1972)

"No one did anything to Solange. She did it to herself!"

Italian for "Yellow," Giallo movies are Italian Thrillers that are rife with gratuitous violence and nudity; shadowy, black-gloved killers; absurd plots; bad dubbing; and intense atmosphere like no other. The Gialli films of the late 60's/early 70's helped give birth to the Slasher film as we know it.

Krimi films, which are lesser known than Gialli, are German Thrillers that are based in some way on the books of Edgar Wallace. They're usually set in England, and are essentially murder mysteries, with some random sex and violence thrown in for good measure.

What Have You Done to Solange? is a Giallo/Krimi hybrid, which may be why it feels so different from the standard Giallo fare, and may be why it was so entertaining overall.

While sexy Professor Enrico Rosseni and his 16-year-old lover Elizabeth are floating down the lake in a rowboat, inappropriately kissing and fondling, Elizabeth notices the flash of a blade on the bank. Enrico assumes that despite his magnificent beard, that she's just trying to spurn his attempted statutory rape, and so he gets all pissy about it, and they leave.

HOW COULD ANY UNDERAGE GIRL RESIST THE SEXY APPEAL OF THAT BEARD?

The next morning on the news, Enrico hears that the body of a girl was discovered on the riverbank, and he races to the scene only to discover that his little Lolita wasn't just trying to avoid sex with a much older man after all; she really did witness a murder, and one where a girl was stabbed to death in the vagina. Like it always happens in these films, Enrico begins to investigate the murder, which the Cops have no problem with at all, despite him being a civilian.

HE'S ABOUT TO SEND HER TO DETENTION IF SHE DOESN'T LET HIM FINISH.

As more girls show up having been stabbed to death in the vagina, Enrico becomes the prime suspect, because he dropped his pen at the scene; his wife learns he's a cheating man-whore who like little girls; and he must work frantically to discover who is murdering his potential lovers, before it's too late... which he'll do once he discovers just what happened to Solange.

VAGINA KILLER.

What Have You Done To Solange? might be the classiest Giallo that we've ever seen. As much nudity and murder as there is in this movie, it's not really all that gratuitous or sleazy, which isn't exactly par for the course for the average Giallo movie. It feels almost sanitized in a way, and yet even with that level of restraint, it doesn't lose any of its bite.

All of the familiar trappings of the standard Gialli are here: A shadowy, black-gloved killer that is out for some sort of retribution; shocking, gruesome murders; an ordinary guy who has no business investigating the murders who is forced/compelled to do so; sexually promiscuous girls; plenty of nudity; and that feel... that Italian Horror movies of the 70's feel. We have to give Solange? credit, as it didn't feel anywhere near as cheesy, melodramatic, or non-sensical as most Italian Horror movies of its time did.

This was also Camille Keaton's (I Spit On Your Grave) first movie, and she did a good job playing the troubled Solange. The gorgeous Karin Baal was also good as the wife of the cheating Enrico. Despite her husband's adulterous, age-inappropriate assholery, she was a down ass bitch to the end. We liked her.

WHOSE HAND IS THAT?

The accents in this movie were atrocious. Were we really supposed to believe that they were all British? And the black dude... could they not have at least dubbed him better?

"DON'T JIVE ME, MAN!" REALLY?

I'm not sure how things work in Europe, but here in America, if a teacher has sex with his underage student, people don't just call him a "Sex Maniac" and give him stern looks. No, they fire him, and then he goes to prison.

Bravo, Europe, for not putting such silly restraints on lust true love!

SURE, HE MAY BE EYEING THEM LIKE A HUNGRY WOLF EYES A FLOCK OF INNOCENT, VULNERABLE SHEEP, BUT THAT TRACKSUIT IS FANTASTIC.

A bunch of girls get killed in this one, and the scene that gives the movie its title is fairly disturbing, but none of it is very graphic.

THAT IS JUST WRONG.

This movie is full of naked young girls having sex, taking showers together, and being murdered. One of those situations is of course as un-sexy as it gets, but hey, naked is naked.

NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL.

Arrow Films just doesn't know how to make a bad disc, and in fact, their releases are consistently excellent. This 2K restoration is visually stunning, and it's amazing how great the movie looks compared to every other release that its had. The Italian Language Audio track is stronger than the English one (the former has a better mix, and the latter sounded tinny to us at times), but it didn't bother us all that much.

It's also got plenty of Supplemental Material for fans of the film to sort through.

Overall, this is an excellent disc.

HER PUSSY LOOKS SOFT AND CUDDLY.

What Have You Done To Solange? may not be a typical Giallo film in many ways, but it certainly is one of the best of them that we've ever seen. It's above average in its storytelling and its characters, and it retains its nasty edge despite being mostly blood-free. We'll even go so far as to call it a poignant story about the loss of innocence.

It's a great movie, and one worth checking out, especially in its current Arrow Video Blu-ray form.

A

What Have You Done To Solange? is available now on Blu-ray.

There are so many gorgeous ladies in What Have You Done To Solange?, that we've even given them their own Retro-Hottie post HERE.

Giallo Month Review: A Blade in the Dark (1983)

"Lamberto, the ther Bava, makes his Giallo mark."

*This review is a re-post of one we did back in 2008.

"NO MOTHER, I DON'T RESENT YOU AT ALL."

Break this movie down? Riiiight. Like anyone on the planet can just "tell you" what an Italian Horror flick from the late 70's/early 80's is actually about? Well guess what? They can't! Why do men from Tennessee often circumcise themselves by rubbing their peckers against rusty barbed wire fences? Can you tell me that? Oh, but that's different, right? You're all sheep.

Anywho... Our little Giallo story begins with three kids throwing a ball down a creepy staircase into a dark cellar; one of them is transgendered, and the other two nearly gay bash the poor kid to death. The kid runs for his life into the basement, only to be gay bashed to death for real this time, by the creepy killer in the cellar. At least Mr. Murder gives the other two their ball back.

LIVE YOUR LIFE, FABRIZIO. WE WON'T JUDGE YOU.

We next meet Bruno, the slow-witted composer who just moved into a posh countryside villa to finish work on his latest movie score. He soon begins to hear noises around the house and decides to investigate; unfortunately for him, he is hindered by some "slow motion" disease that he got from a hooker in Barcelona. A few hours later, he finally makes it out of the room, and (slowly) heads downstairs to the biggest basement ever made. He saves a girl, Katia, from a Scroach (that's a spider-roach hybrid, for those of you who haven't been to Europe), and then she asks him for a cigarette.

Not bothering to ask her what the hell she was doing in his basement, he eventually forgets that she's there, and begins composing his new masterpiece. For the record, his big accomplishment in this movie is finishing the first line in one song during his entire stay; he plays the same 10 notes over, and over, and over again, which I'm guessing is what drove the killer in this movie to go insane and start offing people. Katia pays for his lack of any sort of enthusiasm or sense of urgency, with her life.

IS THERE A SIGN ON THE DOOR THAT SAYS 'PLEASE RANDOMLY COME IN' ?"

Within ten minutes of all of this happening, another chick randomly pops up in the house, and this time Bruno actually gets laid. The next morning, he kicks her out because he is very busy working on the opening line of his song, but is dismayed to find yet another young, sex-starved girl show up randomly, only this time in the yard, not in the house. He lets her swim and shower, and then she too is killed. What exactly goes on in Italy?

With all of the disappearances, some odd phone calls, a slashed nudie picture, and finding the Master Tape of his half-assed song destroyed, he begins to wonder if something strange is going on. Again, he's slow. Far be it from me to spoil what happens for you here, but suffice it to say that more people die, and Bruno never even finishes one half of that frigging song.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, BRUNO, CAN YOU PLAY MORE THAN 10 NOTES?!?

Lamberto Bava is the man. Like his father before him (we love you Mario Bava!), the guy knows how to craft himself one effective Giallo; A Blade in the Dark is tense, atmospheric, bloody, creepy, confusing and poorly dubbed... in short, it's a blood-soaked treat for us all. I can see how some people would look at a movie like this and instantly see a cheesy, dated mess, because that's pretty much what it is, but then those are the type of Horror fans who pay to see remakes of The Hitcher and Shutter, and actually enjoy watching them. *Yes, I'm an elitist prick. You should join me, because it's really nice up here on my "I'm always right" cloud.

There's so much craziness at work in a movie like this, that it satisfies on many different levels, despite its shortcomings. Italian Horror movies of old are all about atmosphere, excessive violence, sleaze, and tension... which are all things that they tend to pull off very well. Unfortunately, the price we pay for enjoying those great aspects, is that these movies usually severely lack in the way of coherence and sense. It's worth every minute though. Honestly.

DON'T RUN OR ANYTHING...

Can you please tell me just how stupid a guy has to be to find a bunch of random chicks roaming around his house, and say nothing more than "Hey, how are you!" to them? That's not being very safety-minded. Not at all. Also, let me make one thing crystal clear here: If ever I find three hot, clueless bimbos sneaking around my house, they're all getting the "Old Hucklebuck." Period. That's the price you pay for invading my sanctum, ladies.

SHE KNOWS WHAT THE OLD HUCKLEBUCK IS. SHE KNOWS.

Cross dressing children... when will it end?

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT ENDS WITH CROSS-DRESSING ADULTS?

Plenty o' gore to be had here, mostly in the form of multiple slashings and stabbings. Stay classy Italy, we love you!

SHE HAD IT COMING.

A pair of late 70's style A-Cup boobies... and that's it.

"It's not a spider, it's a cockroach!" aka Scroach.

Scroaches do exist. Also, if you rent a villa in Europe, random slutty chicks will just show up and hang out with you.

SHE'LL NEVER TRESPASS AGAIN.

For its time and for what it was, A Blade in the Dark is a solid flick. You just can't beat a good old fashioned Giallo flick for entertainment value. I'd recommend renting it before buying though, as it may not be everyone's cup of tea.

B

A Blade in the Dark is available now on DVD and VOD.

The ever-lovely Lara Naszinsky is in this.