Need Some Christmas Un-Cheer? Sint (2011)

The history of Dutch Horror Movies isn't all that prolific. We've seen a few Dutch offerings like Sl8n8 (Slaughter Night) and Dood Eind (Dead End), and thought them to be fairly entertaining in their own way, but didn't find them to be all that fantastic.

With Sint, we found ourselves excited to see a Killer Santa Claus flick made from a foreign perspective, because let's face it; Killer Santa flicks here in the U.S. are usually nothing but Slasher flicks that are looking to stir up some controversy.

Sint (Saint) is a story about Niklas, a former Saint better known to the Dutch as the legendary Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas is pretty much the inspiration for the far more popular legend of Santa Claus. Depending on where you are in the world, he's also known as Father Christmas, Joulupukki, Pere Noel... Yeah, he has a lot of names, but he also has a world full of kids to deliver toys to in a short 24 hour window, so, who are we to bitch?

In this movie though, he's just plain old Sinterklaas, so don't get it twisted.

In Sint, Niklas is a former Bishop who has fallen from the good graces of the Church. He's also an evil bastard who decides to start a gang that roams the countryside, raping, murdering, and plundering to their heart's content. Everything is going great for the merry band of scumbags until a lynch mob burns Niklas and his bloodthirsty men to death.

Revenge is vowed.
 
To everyone else, Sinterklaas is a sweet and joyful Christmas legend; one that is celebrated by Dutch people every year, especially children who love presents. Sinterklaas and his "elves" appear every year on December 5th, but only the December 5th's which coincide with a full moon, which is only every 32 years... Not sure what that's all about, but it's his thing. Anywho, when he does appear, he kills everybody, because, fuck people. 

"Yes, Sinterklaas will make you pass away if you don't go to sleep right now!"

The last full moon which fell on a December 5th was back in 1968. When Sinterklaas appeared that night, he and his Zwarte Pieten* killed all sorts of people, including the family of a small boy named Goert.


*For the record, the Zwarte Pieten (or Black Petes) are the Dutch equivalents of Santa's Elves... in black face. In Sint, the Black Petes are black because of being charred in the fire that killed them, not because of anything racist. Sure. No racism at all.

Why Al Sharpton has never marched on Amsterdam, we may never know.

Cut to 2010, where little Gorko (or whatever) is all grown up, and is now an Amsterdam Cop. Also, December 5th is rapidly approaching... and this year it coincides with a full moon! Gorky knows what this means, and tries his best to get everyone to cancel all of the Sinterklaas parties and what not, because he knows that they're all going to die if they don't.

Of course no one listens to him, and when the night of December 5th arrives, it finds Sinterklaas and his Racist Elves running around Amsterdam and slaughtering people at will, just as Gorky predicted. Together with some other dude, Gorky sets out to stop Sinterklaas once and for all.

Good luck with that, Gorko.

The idea of Sinteklaas and his Zwarte Pieten coming to life and slaughtering everyone that they come across, is an interesting one. Sint is a mostly engaging flick, doing a great job of setting the mood, and steeping its story in Legend. In many ways, It felt like a Dark Fairytale.

We really liked the flashback sequences (both 1492 & 1968), we loved the ethereal feel of the movie, and Sinterklaas was pretty fun and creepy to watch. Sint also contains homages to movies like Halloween & The Fog, and at times it even feels like it's tipping its hat to a Spielberg flick or two.

All in all, the movie was a pretty fun and interesting watch.

She's about to play "hide the nose" with that snowman.

Sint lacked focus. It started off fairly strong, but kinda fell apart as it wore on. It didn't really deliver the oomph that we though it would, and it kind of became more of an Action Comedy than a Horror movie, by the time all was said and done.

The back story of Sinterklaas could have been explored a bit more too. 10 minutes showing us how he fell from grace, and his subsequent actions leading up to forming his creepy band of murderers would have gone a long way towards fleshing the movie out a bit more.

Robert DeNiro?

Where did Lisa go? She's all over the movie for a while, and then she just kinda disappears... what a terrible waste of some good Caro Lenssen!

"You'll never find me. I'm hiding in a different movie lol."

 Sinterklaas and his Black Petes kill plenty of Dutch folk in bloody, nasty ways.

The legend of Santa Claus (no matter which version, or from whatever part of the world) is terrifying.

Yeah, Santa has an axe... now run!

Sint is a fun (if uneven) flick, that puts a new spin on the average Killer Santa movie. It's not as tight of a movie as we would have liked, and it's definitely a bit more "funny" than we prefer, but overall it was a fun watch that was well worth our time.

If you're looking for a different kind of Christmas Horror flick this Holiday Season, you should definitely give this one a go.

C+

I don't know where this Caro Lenssen chick has been all of our lives, but she makes us love The Netherlands even more.

 

 

 

Children... (2011)

(aka WTF Happened to the Frog Boys!?!)
Release Date: 2011, South Korea.
Country: South Korea.
Written by: Kyu-maan Lee and Hyeon-jin Lee.
Directed by: Kyu-maan Lee.
Starring:  Yong-woo Park, Seung-yong Ryoo and Dong-il Song.

Children... is one of those "based on a true story" flicks, that tells the tale of a horrible South Korean crime, that has to this day still not be solved.

Knowing that fact might prompt the average viewer to say "Well what the hell? Why would I watch a movie like that if I'm not going to find out what happens at the end?" That's a good point, but despite the real life case never having been solved, and maybe even because of that fact, Children... is a more than worthwhile watch.

The film attempts to give the story of the Frog Boys an ending, albeit a movie ending, which is at least good for us as an audience; the movie at least attempts to leave us a bit satisfied, unlike all of those involved in the real-life case, none of whom have received much satisfaction at all.

I'm getting ahead of myself here though, so lets get on with the details...

Children... begins innocently enough, on March 26th, 1991; It's election day in the Daegu region of South Korea, and while the adults are all out and about and focused on voting, five local boys set off to a nearby mountain to catch frogs.

When the boys don't return home, their parents become worried, and a massive search mission is organized to find the missing boys. As many as 300,000 Police are sent from all over S.Korea to search Mt. Waryong to the tune of 500+ times for the children, but to no avail. Obviously, the village is left decimated in the wake of such a horrible tragedy, none more so than the parents of the missing kids.

Creeper.

A TV Producer and a distinguished Professor start digging into the case, and thus become obsessed with finding out what happened to the boys. Their actions seem to do more harm than good though, both to themselves and the parents of the missing children, and with their efforts yielding no results, the case goes cold...

... until 11 years later when the bodies of the boys are finally found! At first, their parents are told that the boys died of exposure, which they know is total B.S., because they had clearly had their heads caved in with a hammer or something, not to mention that the bodies weren't even there the other 500+ times the area was searched, so someone had to have dumped them there after the fact.

Heartbreak, lies, hidden truths, incompetence, obsessions and one creepy-ass showdown ensue.

South Korea is most depressing Korea.

Children... is a compelling mystery that is heavy on emotion, but short on closure. Being that the movie tells the story of a real case that was never solved, its real-world connection only serves to make the material all the more compelling and haunting.

Like other South Korean Mysteries and Thrillers such as Memories of Murder, Children... weaves a complex tapestry of mystery, dread and overbearing emotion, and in the end it leaves you feeling spent, and more than contemplative. What I'm trying to say here is that this movie will stick with you long after the credits have rolled, and that's no mean feat these days.

This movie is just further proof that South Korean filmmakers know how to make an effective Thriller like no other.

Haunting is an understatement.

After becoming so emotionally invested in the "case of the frog boys," we would really like to know the truth behind what actually happened to them. Even more so, we'd like to know that the grieving parents have found some sort of comfort in finally getting the answers to the questions that continue to haunt them to this day.

Children... at least tries to give its audience and ending, which works well within the confines of the film itself, but in reality is no more than complete fiction. We really, really want to know the truth of the matter.

Fiction or not, the whole quasi-resolution thing was pretty damned effective.

This really wasn't our normal fun, inappropriate joke-filled review, but it's hard to be overtly humorous when talking about this movie. Children... is a captivating piece of work that left me genuinely feeling for the parents of these poor kids, whom have never seen one bit of justice come of their children's murders. It's not particularly bloody or action packed, but what Children... lacks in visceral payoff, it more than makes up for in emotional devastation.

See this movie if you get the chance, it's definitely a good (if depressing) one.

A

I really hope that someday we'll learn the truth behind what happened to the frog boys, and that their killer will finally be brought to justice.

DVD Review: More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead (2011)

This one will be a short one, but it's definitely a sweet one too. 

In 1985, Dan O'Bannon and his misfit cast & crew gave us one of the best and most beloved zombie flicks of all time: The Return of the Living Dead.

There aren't many horror flicks that combine humor and horror as well as ROTLD did, and its quality is why it has remained so popular decades after its release. Also, Tarman. Tarman is a big reason that this movie is so awesome. He's the best zombie that the 80's gave us, and maybe of all time.

I still remember the first time I saw Tarman shamble on screen and gurgle out a wet and terrifying "Brains! More brains!" It was a defining moment for me and my burgeoning Horror Fandom, and remains to this day one of my favorite movie moments of all time.

When I heard that there was an ROTLD documentary out there that had the cast and crew talking about the making of the movie, I knew I had to see it ASAP.

Rated XXX! *Not really, but it makes it all sound cooler.

As far as Movie Docs go, most of them are underwhelming to me. Sure, most of them are neat to watch, but they tend to feel a bit too polished and restrained for my taste. I want to know what really happened on set. I want to know about the issues, the gaffes, the battles and the dysfunction. I want to know the truth of it all. The good and the bad. More Brains delivers all of that, and so much more.

Calista Flockhart was awesome in this movie.

We find out that Director Dan O'Bannon was a bit of a tyrant to work for, and how the set was often times a pretty hellish place to be for cast and crew alike. Starlet Beverly Randolph seems to have been downright scared of the guy, which may explain why she didn't do much acting after ROTLD. We even get to hear stories from a crew member who was fired mid-production. That's the kind of stuff that make behind the scenes documentaries interesting.

Bad girl.

It also goes without saying that anytime you get to sit and listen to Clu Gulager and James Karen talking candidly, it's a good thing; in addition to being funny as hell, Clu Gulager is foul-mouthed and very matter-of-fact with his opinions, and James Karen seems like he's one of the most genuinely sweet people ever. Their segments were our sentimental faves here.

How do you not love this guy?

The extras on this disc are crazy good as well as being crazy plentiful. There's tons of deleted scenes, behind the scenes footage, bloopers, test footage and interviews, including a really great interview with late Director Dan O'Bannon himself. They even give us little retrospectives of ROTLD parts 2 & 3, which just added to the awesomeness of it all. The extras alone make this DVD worth renting/owning.

Name a more iconic zombie character than Tarman. Go ahead, we'll wait.

 

This movie and it's jam-packed-with-cool-extras DVD is an A+ of an experience. If you're a fan of Return of the Living Dead (and its sequels), then seeing it is a no-brainer. Even the more casual fan will have a good time with it, because it's just that interesting. Rent it if you like, but in all honesty it's worth every cent of its $15 price tag, considering the wealth of extras it offers.

Either way, see it and enjoy.

A+

There's nothing quite like the way Hotties looked in the 80's, is there? Linnea Quigley, Jewel Shepard and Beverly Randolph definitely made our childhood a better time. Thanks for the fantasies, ladies.

Husk (2011)

What can you really say about a movie like Husk? I mean, really. By all accounts, it should be one of those easily dismissible Syfy-like movies that plays it safe and colors within the lines, and is forgettable even before it ends... and yet for some reason we enjoyed it. Mostly.

There's something creepy -or at the very least, interesting- about scarecrows; they're usually just a bunch of hay stuffed in some raggedy old clothes, a mask, and maybe a hat, but they always just feel creepy.

Some of them are apparently stuffed with evil as well.

Tammin Sursok, who plays the mysterious "A" on ABC Family's Pretty Little Liars, is the damsel in distress in this one, and we were happy to see her in a more mature role. And no, we didn't just spoil Pretty Little Liars for you, unless you're a 12-year-old girl... in which case you should be too scared too be reading through a website dedicated to Horror movies. Ha.

This is going to be a quickie.

Husk starts out like countless other Horror movies do; with a group of young and pretty people on a road trip to the middle of nowhere, all in the name of weekend partying. You already know where it's going, right? Well, when a bunch of dead crows start falling from the sky and take their car out (?!?), they find themselves stranded with nothing around them but but cornfields, for miles and miles.

Being stranded with her isn't the worst thing I can imagine.

Within the endless sea of corn, however, is a creepy old farmhouse with an even creepier secret which involves a sewing machine and some scarecrows, and a bunch of flashbacks of a farming family... I don't know how a haunted sewing machine ended up in an old farmhouse in the middle of a bunch of corn, but I digress.

"Hey there. Whatcha doin'?"

There's also a bunch of scarecrows on the prowl, killing those who defile the sanctity of their corn-home. Once dead, they become zombie seamstresses, and begin making a mask for a new scarecrow to wear... I don't even know what in the hell it all means, it was just kinda neat.

That does not seem like an efficient way to sew.

Husk is a movie that ended up being better than we thought it would be. There was no gratuitous nudity or gore to be had here (although there are some mildly bloody moments), but the atmosphere and storyline were what hooked us. That's not to say Husk is completely original, or that the script was amazing or anything, but some of the story elements were different and they didn't break their own rules, which just stood out to us.

It was interesting to see how they handled Final Girl dynamics in this one too.  I guess that overall it was different enough to keep us watching and not make us regret it. Also, the whole sewing machine thing was pretty neat... and creepy.

"Drink it all, baby. We're heading into that corn."

 

Sure, it's a familiar story and it didn't really push any envelopes, but we couldn't help liking it despite its flaws. We liked this one in that guilty pleasure sort of way, and we just couldn't help it.

We kept this write up very short and sweet, so don't blame us if you watch Husk and hate it... the term Guilty Pleasure absolves us of any responsibility in the taste department.

Tasmin Suresuck Tammin Sursok is a Pretty Little Liar on TV, and a Pretty Little Hottie in this movie. It's hard to believe that she's nearly 30 and can play a High School kid so convincingly... now that's acting talent.