ICYMI: Our Stranger Things Season 1 Review

"The worst thing about this show is that it was over way too quick."

(aka John Carpenter's E.T.)
Release Date: July 15th.
Country: USA.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Matt and Ross Duffer.
Directed by: Matt and Ross Duffer.
Starring: Winona Ryder, David Harbour, Matthew Modine, Finn Wolfhard, Millie Bobby Brown, Gaten Matarazzo, Caleb McLaughlin, Natalia Dyer, and Charlie Heaton.

Stranger Things is a love letter to the 80's. We grew up in the 80's, so the Dungeons & Dragons gaming sessions, the infectious pop music, the rotary phones, and TV antennas felt like a snapshot of our past to us.

In a way, we were the kids in this show. We were way cooler (obviously), but we played D&D, rode our bikes all over the place, and were totally afraid to talk to girls. Alright, fine. Maybe we were awkward too, but we're cool now. We think.

Even though we're going to keep things as vague as possible, mild spoilers do follow.

Hawkins, Indiana, 1983: After a particularly harrowing all-day session of Dungeons & Dragons in which Demogorgon lays waste to the entire party when one of the players rolls a shitty 7 (all you needed was a 13!), four middle school friends call it a night and part ways. One of them, Will, never makes it home.

"HAVE FUN NOT MAKING IT HOME."

Will's mother, Joyce, is frantic the next morning when she realizes her kid never made it home, and heads off to report him missing to the local Chief of Police, Hopper. He, along with everyone else, thinks that Joyce is crazy, because she kind of is, and so they aren't sure whether to believe her or not.

I WONDER IF SHE HAS CALL-WAITING?

Will's friends are worried, and since no one else is making any progress finding him, they decide to take matters into their own hands, and search the woods for him. What they find instead is a little girl in a hospital gown with a shaved head, and a penchant for remaining silent, named Eleven.

And that's all we're saying.

YEAH, THINGS GET STRANGE.

From the get-go, Stranger Things did not feel perfect to us. The story felt all too safe and familiar; the acting was cheesy at times (calm down, Winona!); and even the cast felt odd at first, as most of the kids weren't your cookie-cutter, good-looking Disney types (which was a really good thing, btw); but man did it ever pull us into its world and keep us engaged through its entire 8 Episode run.

Stranger Things is a show that is deeply rooted in the 80's, and not just because it takes place then; it feels like E.T. and The Goonies meets The Monster Squad, with a bit of old-school John Carpenter flair thrown in to make it darker. It also had obvious nods to Alien, and it reminded us of Silent Hill more than once, so really, it's a bunch of things thrown into one big, 80's-centric pot that made us nostalgia in a big way.

Had "Steven Spielberg and John Carpenter Presents" popped up during the opening credits, it wouldn't have shocked us at all.

US, CIRCA 1983.

As nostalgic and comfy as the word of Stranger Things feels, there's a steady stream of darkness and danger that runs through it, which makes it much more than some kid-friendly throwback. The monster is real (and creepy as hell); Eleven is dangerous, and we're never sure just who she's going to take her anger out on; and the proverbial "men in black" are a real threat who kill indiscriminately to cover their tracks and get back what is theirs.

It's all very dire, and as sweet as it can be, it's all very serious.

It was also over far too quick, and it left us hanging on a few plot points that have us really hoping that Netflix gives it a Season 2. Seriously, the waffles!

IS THAT A OUIJA BOARD PAINTED ON THE WALL?

Violence aplenty in this one, but the gore factor is low.

WINONA WENT DARK IN THIS ONE...

There's a bit of sex, but nothing gratuitous at all.

THE PANGS OF FIRST LOVE ARE APLENTY THOUGH.

One of the coolest things about Stranger Things is how it uses 80's music to accent its story. It's like an awesome mix-tape. Our faves were:

Should I Stay or Should I Go (The Clash)
Africa (TOTO)
I Melt With You (Modern English)
Waiting For a Girl Like You (Foreigner)
Sunglasses at Night (Corey Hart)

*GOONIES THEME SONG INTENSIFIES*

Sentimental, intense, nostalgic and creepy, Stranger Things took us by total surprise. It's one of the best things that we've seen all Summer, and we can't wait to see the story continue in Season 2. There's going to be a Season 2, right?

If you have Netflix, stream this bad boy asap.

A

Stranger Things is streaming on Netflix now.

From the I we saw her in Lucas, Winona Ryder was one of my biggest crushes as a kid. She's still beautiful today.

VOD Review: Hell House LLC. (2016)

"This is cinema verite done properly. "

The Found Footage/POV/Hand-Held/First Person sub-genre is a derisive one at best. FF flicks can be intense and terrifying, making you feel like you're actually watching real footage of real people being stalked, haunted, etc... and those are the good ones.

Found Footage flicks can also be cheap, shoddy, predictable, and overly-familiar, which basically renders them useless as far as scares go. Those are the bad ones.

I'm happy to say that Hell House LLC. falls on the good side of that divide, and even more so, is one of the best Found Footage flicks that we've seen in recent memory.

On October 8th, 2009 in Abbadon, New York, new a new haunted house called Hell House opened its doors to the public. People were lining up to be scared, and the place was packed. In the middle of the very first tour, something went very wrong in the basement, which resulted in 15 people dying. The local Police kept it all hush-hush, and to this day, no one really knows what went wrong inside of Hell House.

WHERE THE HELL IS HE GOING?

Five years later, Documentary filmmaker Diana Graves sets out to uncover the truth behind what happened at Hell House that fateful night. Interviewing journalists and witnesses who all had interest or connection to the incident, she catches her biggest break when the lone survivor of the Hell House crew, Sara, shows up with a bag of video tapes in hand, hoping to set the record straight.

SHE USED TO BE HAPPIER...

The tapes contain footage of the Hell House crew in the weeks leading up to opening night, with the five crew members doing their best to make the place as creepy as possible. Of course, the tapes also show a series of disturbing and prophetic events that point to there being something wrong with the place.

Demonic shenanigans ensue.

NOPE.

This was a damn scary movie.

Honestly, it's a rare movie that gives me the willies these days to the point where I don't want to hang my feet off of the edge of the bed when I'm trying to go to sleep, but I'll be damned if this one didn't get to that point. This is a movie that uses subtlety to achieve its scares and cultivate its atmosphere, and it does so very well.If you don't like clowns, you're probably going to have a tough time during this one.

Hell House LLC. played a lot like 2011's excellent, The Tunnel (review HERE), in that it felt like a real Doc for a lot of its running time, and the way that it unfolded pulled us in immediately. The cast deserves a lot of credit for that, as they all did great work playing "real" people here. This movie may not bring anything new to the FF sub-genre, but what it does bring, it brings in a realistic, believable way.

I do have to say that the ending wasn't as good as the build up, and it kind of left us wanting. The actions of the characters in the final moments seemed silly to me, because who in their right mind would do something so stupid? Then again, Horror is a genre built on the stupid actions of stupid characters, so I digress.

CHILLS, MAN. CHILLS.

There's some gore to be had here, but it's minimal.

GET CLOSER. THEY WON'T BITE.

Aside from Ryan Jennifer looking good in some panties, and a half-naked haunt actress, this is a skin-free affair.

GOD BLESS THAT GIRL.

Hell House LLC. impressed us far more than any Found Footage flick has done in forever. It's not without its flaws, but the bottom line is that it's well-made, believable (mostly), and above all else, it's genuinely scary.

This is a perfect flick to explore during the Halloween Season... and then maybe go to a haunted house after wards. If you dare.

B+

Hell House LLC. is available now on VOD.

The haunting honeys of Hell House LLC.

VOD Review: The Hexecutioners (2017)

"A slow burn of an Indie film that delivers the creepy goods."

(aka Sky Burial.)
Release Date: May 5th, 2017.
Country: Canada.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Tony Burgess.
Directed by: Jesse Thomas Cook.
Starring: Liv Collins, Sarah Power, and Timothy Burd.

I've been putting off watching this movie for months, and I'm not exactly sure why. It's got two hot lead actresses, it boasts a fairly unique set-up, and it's written by the guy who wrote Pontypool, so at face value, it should be a decent flick, right?

Well that's exactly what it is; a decent Horror flick that gets more right than it does wrong.

Three years ago, Proposition 117 was passed, making assisted-suicide legal in (presumably) Canada and the United States. This of course leads to right-to-die companies popping up all over the place, because, capitalism. In the present day, Malison McCourt is a mousy wallflower of a girl who is starting a new job as an assisted-suicide nurse at one such company. She really has no idea what she's getting herself into, and her first day shows her that being an angel of mercy sent to give suffering people the sweet release that they so desperately wish for (and need), isn't going to be an easy gig at all.

SHE HAD A ROUGH FIRST DAY.

She's eventually paired up with the sexy, confident Olivia, who is tasked with showing her the assisted-suicide ropes, and how to be a sex kitten with minimal effort. The two of them travel to a remote Owen Sound mansion where they are to help their newest client head into the great beyond via a "Sky Ritual", which really sounds like it might involve Satan somehow.

"WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR WHAT CHAPTER THREE SAYS."

Their stay in the mansion introduces them to a creepy caretaker of sorts named Edgar; sees Malison having all manner of disturbing, and possibly prophetic dreams; and the relationship between the two girls gets pretty intense, and almost ends in lesbian hi-jinks... until it's revealed that Olivia is a prude, although I suppose that with all of the supernatural craziness that they're about to unleash, that's probably for the best.

Sky ritual madness ensues.

INSERT CRUDE "EARNING HER RED WINGS" JOKE HERE.

The Hexecutioners isn't a perfect movie, but it's a well-made Indie that boasts a great location, some sharp camera work, has atmosphere to spare, and it offers something different in a Genre where so many plots feel the same, even if it devolves into familiar territory towards the end. We did like how the ending went to places that we didn't expect it to though.

While the plot of The Hexecutioners is centered around the issue of assisted suicide, it never tries to preach to us and tell us that one side of that debate is the best one to be on. This is a Horror movie, not a political debate, so that's how it should be. That premise does make for a fairly original narrative though, and it works rather well, despite that fact that it's bound to divide audiences on the core issue.

Liv Collins has only starred in three full-length movies (all of them being Horror), but she's got a presence that makes it seem like she's been doing this for years. She's not only pretty, but she's compelling to watch, especially given the turns that her character goes through. Sarah Power was fantastic as the sexy Olivia, and while her resume is a bit longer than her co-star's, this is still the first thing we've seen her in as well. Hopefully they'll both show up in more movies soon, because they did a great job here. 

"SO THEN THAT'S A HARD NO ON THE SCISSOR-KISSING, RIGHT?"

There are some bloody good moments and kills towards the end, and plenty of disturbing imagery throughout.

GINGER AND THE BEAST.

Sarah Power goes topless in what just might be the best scene in the movie. Also, Liv Collins takes a bath. The two of them almost have some lesbian sex too, but that was not to be, which was really disappointing.

YOU DON'T WANT US TO STARE, THEN DON'T TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND STAND THERE LOOKING ALL SEXY!

Assisted-suicide is not something that should ever become corporate-owned. Also, all redheads are crazy.

SWEET AND DEMURE MY ASS.

An above average effort, The Hexecutioners delivers the supernatural goods for the most part, even if its two lead actresses are its strongest asset. Both of them were new by us, and they made the movie, which was decent enough on its own, better for their presence.

Give it a rent when you're in the mood for something a bit different.

C+

The Hexecutioners is available now on VOD and DVD.

The movie's two gorgeous angels of death, Liv Collins and Sarah Power.