October 31, 2013

31 Days of Millennium Hotties- Alexandra Daddario

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We like all kinds of girls around here at THC; tall or short, skinny or curvy, young or old, brunette, blond or redhead... we appreciate all levels of Scream Queen. We (I) especially like the dark haired, pillow-chested girls, mainly because Jennifer Connelly set the mold for epic hotness many, many years ago. For me, anyhow, JC is probably the all-time #1 Hottie of ever.

With that being said, our final Millennium Hottie is Alexandra Daddario; the girl who is every bit as hot as was Jennifer Connelly in her youthful prime. I know that's a pretty bold statement, but Alex D is a boldy gorgeous work of art.

It's pretty stylish now for everyone to be jumping on the Alex D bandwagon, but we've been down with her since day one, folks... so she's ours!

Those frigging eyes...
Just look at that face. You know what, just forget about how that face is capable of making mortal men dream of a better world in which they can accomplish anything. Forget those lips billowy lips, too, even though they look as if they steal souls with their soft kisses, and probably taste like cotton candy...

Just look at those eyes.

Those eyes are like big, blue pools of innocence with an underlying current of "come and make sex with me" running through them. I'm just saying that she's probably a total sweetheart who has a pink gimp mask and a whip somewhere, and won't hesitate to beat your ass into submission with it. We support that. We are not here to judge. It's a best of both worlds kinda thing.

We first noticed Alex D in a series of Yellowbook ads that she did. Sure, we noticed her in commercials because she was hot, but what really caught our interest was what she searched for after being dumped by some guy who obviously went gay. Check it out:

Chainsaw. We are not making this up. She always knew where she was heading.
For most Horror fans though, her career started with a spectacular bath scene, in a very unspectacular movie. The Attic opened with a scene of Alex D taking a well deserved bath, because she was obviously dirty and stressed out. And dirty. Then I think she dies, but I can't remember. Who cares about the plot, because that movie was all about the bath scene, and the almost naked girl who captured the hearts and minds of all 342 people who saw it.

Alexandra Daddario in The Attic (2008)

From there she did a bunch of TV roles, played a High School Hooker in The Babysitters, and starred as a Demi-Goddess (more foreshadowing) in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. She was born to be mainstream, so we can't be mad about her non-genre projects.

Then came one of the best performances by a female with an ungodly rack wearing a tank-top, ever. Bereavement was a great flick made even better by the fact that Alex D was all sorts of chesty and hot in it. At one point in the movie, she gets locked in a freezer, and we were wondering why she just didn't cut her way out of there with her nipples... because those bad boys were seriously up and at 'em.

How do genetics like this even exist?
After another Jailbait turn in Hall Pass, roles in TV's White Collar and Parenthood, and a guest shot that actually made us tolerate an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, she returned to the genre fold as a sweaty, midriff-baring Sawyer chick in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (which was obviously foreshadowed in that aforementioned Yellowbook commercial.)

Sweaty hotnees.
TCM 3D was a decent enough flick (though it had its issues), and it once again proved that Alex D can elevate a flick by here mere presence alone. The whole "almost showing her boobs" thing was bullshit though, because, don't be such a prude. We'll let that one go for now, but after the teasing bath scenes, all of the skimpy tank-top wearing, and the open shirt with no bra stunt... the teasing phase of your career is over now, Alexandra, so make with the boobs already. We promise we'll respect you in the morning.

Hell, we respect you now. 

She's a star on the rise and a Horror Hottie for the ages. She's a film geek with a body built for sin, and eyes that will suck your soul from your body and leave you broken! We hope to see more genre work from her in the future, but until that day, we'll just go see Percy Jackson 2, I suppose.

*In a shocking development,  one of the hottest brunettes of all time has apparently gone blond... It works for us, but it's a big change. We need time.

We leave you with this crazy music video, because it's really kinda creepy, and proves that Alexandra Daddario is a twisted little minx at heart. Also, it's a cool song, and Lou Diamond Phillips rules.

We know that beauty is a totally subjective thing, but for our money, there's just no one hotter on the planet right now. We like 'em pale and curvy, what can we say?

October 30, 2013

31 Days of Millennium Hotties- Danielle Harris

Cute, willing to get naked, sassy, cute, and willing to get naked, Danielle Harris is one of today's truly prolific Horror Hotties. She's the petite, spunky little girl next door that you just can't help but love. You know the one; she borrows smokes from you all the time, makes out with her girlfriends, sleeps with guys who run Horror Blogs... plus, she stars in all kinds of Horror flicks... and is willing to get naked.

So how did it all begin for Danielle Harris?

Well, I'm afraid that it began rather traumatically for her...
We first met her when she played Michael Myer's mentally challenged niece in Halloween 4 & 5. As adorable of a kid as she was, she turned out to be equally as creepy. Determined not to be typecast (at the age of what, 10? lol), she hurriedly left the Horror scene, not to return for over a decade. In all fairness, doing two Halloween flicks could have warped her fragile little mind, so that may have played a part in her decision too.

Why would a little girl not want to do this anymore?
When she found herself starring along side Steven Seagal in one of his shitty movies, she vowed to get herself some better roles. Danielle isn't one to be kept down, and it wasn't long before she was starring in such gems as Don't Touch my Daughter, TV's Growing Pains, and Free Willy... alright, those roles weren't much better...

... but they paid one hell of an allowance!
A bunch of Roseanne's and The Last Boy Scout 's later, she found herself starring in another Horror movie! She played a goth girl in Urban Legend, and one that had the Internets... not everyone had the Internets back in the 90's, you know. She was so avant-garde.

Then guess what happened? She took another 10 year break from Horror movies. *9 years, actually, but close enough.

Remember when everyone had one of those big computing machines?
This time, she returned to the genre with a bang! A naked, naked bang. She starred as Annie in Rob Zombie's Halloween remake, and pretty much rocked it. The whole time she was running from, fighting off, or getting stabbed by Michael Myers, she was naked. What a brave performance.

The floodgates opened for Danielle Harris and her Horror movie career after that, which was something that she had been resisting for more than two decades. Since 2007, she's starred in more that 20 Horror movie and TV projects, and she even directed her first movie, which is of course, a Horror flick.

She started in the genre when she was just a kid, made a solid little career for herself doing mainstream work, and finally said "screw it" and came home to roost. Now, she's a Horror force that can not be stopped! She also grew up hot, which is a big bonus for us.

Now, she kills shit like it ain't no thang.
She's a sexy little powder-keg of Horror Royalty, and she's carrying the torch for us all.... the torch of nakedness and Horror. For that, we must salute her.

Her flicks will be part of many Horror fans movie watching experiences this Halloween and rightly so.

31 Days of Millennium Hotties- Amber Heard

Sure, she's only been in a handful of Horror movies thus far in her career, but have you seen her? She is seriously one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood, and I'm pretty sure that she would do it on the first date too. I mean why wouldn't she? She owes it to the men of the world to dish out as much pleasure as she can before she gets too old and becomes not hot. That's why she was born. So far, she's doing a great job!

Here she is, wiping Johnny Depp off of her mouth after their first date. Told ya.
She started out in a really awful vampire movie called SideFX, but she rebounded nicely with the underground cult hit, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. In Mandy Lane, she reminded us all just what it meant to be sexy, and she used her boobs to do it.... and her pouty, soft little mouth... and those bedroom eyes...  and a shotgun.

Turns out that Mandy Lane was a teasing little whore! No really, she actually was.

That's what you get for being a tease!
For the next three years she stayed away from Horror, instead taking naughty parts in movie such as Alpha Dog, The Beautiful Ordinary, Never Back Down, Pineapple Express, and The Informers. In these movies, she smoked weed, did coke, drank, had sex, had threesomes, got naked, did karate, got aids, and convincingly acted like she would actually date Seth Rogen.

Amazing work, all of it. Especially the Seth Rogen bit.

We know you were just acting, Amber. Relax,
In 2009 though, she leaped back into the Horror fray playing an undead romantic interest in Zombieland (which was a top-notch flick), and the Jailbait girlfriend of a terrorized kid in The Stepfather (which was a top-notch shit pile.)

In breaking news, she will be playing my Jailbait girlfriend in my own production of Escape From my Bedroom if You Can. I'm just waiting on the chloroform to get here. Just kidding, Amber! (If you get in the van when I tell you, chloroform won't be necessary.)

Ok, so she's less hot here, but what a fun role!
As far as The Ward and And Soon the Darkness go, they were alright movies, but neither really lived up to their potential, especially The Ward; mainly because John Carpenter is capable of much better. Still, Amber shined in both movies, by getting nearly naked and screaming a lot.

Horror-wise, Many Lane is her true crowning achievement, but Drive Angry comes pretty damn close. Drive Angry was an absurd, crazy, awesome Road Revenge movie in which Nic Cage escapes from hell to save his daughter from creepers. Along the way, some crazy shit goes down -like a slow-motion gun fight in the middle of a sex scene- but the best antics come from Amber Heard's character; the girl is sassy and tough in this one, and she wears a pair of short shorts better than anyone else in recent memory.

Happiest. Car Seat. Ever.
I love how she's pressing forward with her career (most of the time in skimpy clothes, mind you), all the while making sure that the Horror genre gets its yearly fix of her hot ass. She may never be a modern day Jamie Lee Curtis, but she still represents Horror well, and looks extremely good while doing it.

"Let's trade bottoms and fart in them! LOL!" *This scene still perplexes me.
As long as Amber Heard stays hot and keeps starring in movies that interest us, she should have a long and healthy career. Then again, I guess she could just marry Johnny Depp and live of of his billions, and say screw her career... I'm pretty sure he'd let her have girlfriends on the side.

Either way, Amber Heard is our girl, and will always be a true Horror Hottie.