October 18, 2013

31 Days of Millennium Hotties- The Girls of Paranormal Activity (2007- 2012)

Paranormal Activity became an instant phenomenon when it hit theaters in 2009, after earning insanely high praise on the Festival Circuit 2 years earlier. 3 sequels and more than $720 million in Worldwide Box Office later, and with 2 more PA flicks on tap for 2014, this series is far from over.

The movies themselves are either scary as hell or over-hyped, depending on who you ask, but one thing is for certain: Katie Featherston has some magnificent boobs.

We don't care if your eyes are up there, Katie. We're here for the boobs!
She was the only Hottie in the first PA movie, and she captivated the hell out of us with her tight tank tops and the way she wore them. Her performance made us feel true fear, because how can a mean ghost want to harm a girl with such lovely tank top talents?

In PA 2, the lovely Katie was joined by the equally lovely Sprague Grayden. Now, we've been big fans of Sprague's since her days on the short lived (yet awesome) CBS show, Jericho, but the one thing has always puzzled us about her is where did she get a name like Sprague? What the fuck kind of name is that? It sounds like a vegetable; "I'll take the braised chicken with the baby potatoes, and a side of Sprague, please."

Name notwithstanding though, Sprague Grayden is a great little actress, and she's as cute as a button.

Hang up the phone and get out of the house!
We are not at all fans of movie trailers that show scenes which make us excited to see a movie, only to see said movie and find that said scenes are not in the final product. Thanks a lot, asshole producers of PA3, for making that happen... That bit of bullshit trickery aside, PA3 was pretty good.

Katie Featherston shows up for a few minutes in this one, although the true Hotness of the movie is provided by Lauren Bittner. She plays Katie and Kristi's mom (the movie is basically a prequel), and what a bad mom she is; smoking weed, having sex, being salty... no wonder her girls had Demon playmates!

Johanna Braddy also shows up in this one as a sexy babysitter, which could only be a good thing.

Pants were seriously shat.
Katie Featherston shows up again in PA4, though this time the main damsel in distress was 15-year-old Kathryn Newton. Little miss Kathryn is too young to be a true Hottie, but she's a cutie and she did a good job at playing a terrified 15-year-old, so, there's that.

... and she went from hot to creepy over the course of 2 movies.
So there's plenty of hotness gong on in the Paranormal Activity movies, although none of it is really sexy at all. Still, Horror fans love their pretty girls in trouble, so we must pay tribute.

Bottom line is that this series will always be about creepy spirits, and Katie Featherston's boobs, both of which are equally thrilling. In different ways, of course.

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