Blu-ray Review: The Belko Experiment (2017)

"Insert 'The Corporate world is murder!' pun here."

After enduring the Hollywood blandness that was The Darkness, it makes us happy to see director Greg McClean get back to his bloody roots and make another good flick.

We love his Wolf Creek series, and while The Belko Experiment may be a totally different kind of animal altogether, it's a testament to the man's no holds barred, visceral style.

Good on ya, mate. 

Maybe directing a movie that someone else wrote, especially a talented guy like James Gunn, was the ticket for him.

The Belko Corporation is a wealthy company that offers plenty of perks to its employees: comprehensive salaries; housing; a company car; and a free tracking chip that gets implanted in their head, in case they're kidnapped. That last one is particularly important at the Bogota, Colombia office, because it's common for employees of big companies to be kidnapped for ransom.

 ALSO, THERE'S ROMANCE.

During an ordinary day at Belko, the Colombian national employees are turned away at the gate, leaving only 80 foreign workers (mostly American) in the building. A voice comes across the intercom announcing that in 8 hours, most of them will be dead, and that to have a better chance of survival, the 80 employees must follow the voice's instructions. The first instruction involves the group murdering two of their own in the next half-hour; how they are chosen, or killed, doesn't matter, only that they end up dead in the required time frame. Failure to do so will result in "repercussions."

THESE GUYS LOOK READY.

Thinking it's a joke of some kind, and probably being not very keen to murder any of their co-workers, the employees decide to leave the building, which is promptly sealed off with metal shutters. After a few heads explode, everyone quickly realizes that it's no joke, and they begin to go all Lord of the Flies on each other in a desperate bid for survival.

It ends well for no one.

SOME CORPORATIONS JUST WANT TO WATCH THEIR EMPLOYEES BURN.

You might know where The Belko Experiment is headed early on (I mean it's a movie where co-workers have to kill each other or be killed themselves, so it has to follow a certain narrative path), but the beauty of this movie is that as predictable as it may be, it's equally as bloody and nasty. You'd think that this movie would be funnier, being that it was written by James Gunn (and it does have its witty moments), but if anything it goes to some dark places as per the usual of director Greg McClean.

It's basically a morality play of sorts, asking the question "How far would you go to ensure your own survival?" Could you kill the work friends that you've grown close to over the course of a year? I guess the answer to that question, as horrible as it may be, is yes: you're going before me, sorry. But it's not an easy thing for many of the movie's characters (aside from a few skeevy bastards) to navigate, and that very conundrum plays out in intense fashion.

John Gallagher Jr. is the lead here, but his performance is overshadowed by great supporting turns by his veteran cast mates. Anytime we get to see John C. McGinley on screen is a treat for us. The guy is one of the best character actors out there, and he's particularly good at playing menacing, which he does here brilliantly. Tony Goldwyn makes for an excellent heavy as well, and Adria Arjona was a great heroine.

***BEWARE ENDING SPOILERS***
Our biggest gripe about the movie is that the ending felt a little flat. Sure there's the obligatory set-up for a sequel which was kinda cool, but the reveal of "The Voice", and his explanation as to what the experiment was all about, felt like some half-baked bullshit. There should have been an actual point to the experiment, and not just some lame "we wanted to see what you'd all do" bullshit.
***END SPOILERS***

FEW DO INTENSITY AS WELL AS THIS GUY DOES.

Tons of on-screen bloodshed in this one, where people kill each other in a variety of ways, and dozens of heads explode. It's a brutal spectacle, to say the least.

NOT EVEN THE COFFEE POTS ARE SAFE!

No, because why show some hot Latina girls running around naked or anything?

MUY CALIENTE.

***BEWARE SPOILERS***
As sly as Melonie Diaz was at hiding, and escaping notice throughout the movie, we really expected her to make it... not be shot in the damn head "Departed" style. Gah!
***END SPOILERS***

AND WHY WAS MICHAEL ROOKER'S PART SO DAMN SMALL?

A great movie, and a welcomed return to form for Greg McClean, The Belko Experiment is one that may not break much new ground, but the familiar motions that it does go through are exciting, intense, and all kinds of nasty.

It's easily worthy of your rental dollars.

B+

The Belko Experiment is available on VOD now.

Adria Arjona y Melonie Diaz y Mikalea Hoover son hotties ardientes.

VOD Reveiw: Out of the Dark (2015)

(aka Los Ninos de Cocaina.)
Release Date: February 27th (Limited)
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Javier Gullon and David Pastor.
Directed by: Lluis Quilez.
Starring: Julia Stiles, Scott Speedman, Stephen Rea, Vanesa Tamayo, and Pixie Davies.

Julia Stiles has been starring in a pretty great Web Series called Blue since 2012, but since her turn on Dexter back in 2010, she's mostly been doing supporting roles.

When we saw that she'd be playing the lead in a Genre movie like this, we were pretty excited, even if that meant we'd have to stomach Scott Speedman for 90 minutes. Blah. *It's not that we hate Scott Speedman or anything, it's just that we've always found him to be bland and emotionless... which is oddly appropriate here, because we feel the same way about Out of the Dark.

Julia Stiles, Scott Speedman, and their oddly British daughter move to Colombia to take over their family's manufacturing plant. What they manufacture is anybody's guess, but we're pretty sure that it somehow has to be cocaine-related; after all, Colombia knows cocaine better than anybody else in the World. Even Lindsay Lohan.

WORST CARTEL EVER.

It's not long before they find themselves haunted by a gang of ghostly children whom are dubbed by superstitious locals as "Los Ninos de Cocaina" (The Cocaine Kids, to us gringos.) These kids are disfigured and creepy, and they seem to be really pissed off about something. It probably has something to do with their faces, and how white people are evil. 

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, PENDEJO?"

We don't want to say too much more about the plot here, lest we ruin it twists and turns for you, but suffice it to say that you could probably take a nap until about the 50 minute mark and not miss all that much.

LIFE IS ROUGH IN COLOMBIA.

Out of the Dark tries its best to be an effective Supernatural Thriller, but in the end, it plays more like a bland Lifetime movie of the week, than it does anything else. It's not a bad watch at all, but it's just not all that fresh or different. Or exciting.

This is a well-made movie that certainly looks like it had a decent budget, and the cast is full of solid actors, but it never really does much with those assets. The story is slow and plodding, and it just feels like it's a paint-by-numbers sort of affair, and it never really held our attention for long. At least not in a suspenseful way.

JULIA STILES ALWAYS MANAGES TO HOLD OUR ATTENTION THOUGH.

As slow as the whole movie is, things do pick up a bit towards the end (like most movies do), and we have to admit that the "finale" was visually interesting, but even that felt bland and predictable, and there wasn't really anything particularly scary about it. Without giving too much away, the whole movie builds towards the idea of these murderous ghost kids exacting some sort of revenge against those who wronged them during their short lifespans, which you'd think would culminate in an intense finale that saw lives hanging in the balance, but no. I mean, lives were technically hanging in the balance, but never once did it feel like everyone was danger, except for maybe one character. 

This really felt like a drama about family dynamics in which the supernatural elements took a backseat.

THAT WAS KINDA COOL.

At least the cast was strong in this one. We can't say that we're the biggest fans of Scott Speedman, but it was great to see Julia Stiles in more of a starring role again, even if that role was a bit hollow and lackluster. The best part of the movie though (casting wise) is the presence of Stephen Rea; at nearly 70-years-old, he's still one of the best actors working today, and we always welcome a chance to see him in something new.

OK KID, WE GET IT. YOU'RE SCARY.

Julia Stiles is still a Hottie. Also, moving to Colombia is far too dangerous to consider, even if you really love cocaine.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT A TOWEL, JULIA. JUST AIR DRY.

Out of the Dark isn't a bad movie at all, but it surely is a painfully bland one. It's easy enough to watch, and we didn't really feel like we wasted our time doing so, we just didn't really care about it either way when all was said and done. Is it worth a rental? Kinda. You'll be fine either way you go. 

C

Out of the Dark is available now on VOD, and  will hit Theaters (Limited) on February 27th.

Julia Stiles has come a long way since 10 Things I Hate about You, and we'd still save the last dance for her.

Blind Alley (2013)

(aka You'll go Blind thinking about Ana De Armas's Alley)
Release Date: Awaiting VOD release in U.S. and on DVD in March/Blu-ray in April.
Country: Spain, Colombia.
Written & Directed by: Antonio Trashorras.
Starring: Ana De Armas, Jeff Gum, Leonor Varela and Diego Cadavid.

This movie first came to our attention when we caught a random picture of its star, Ana De Armas, while browsing around at UHM. *For the record, UHM is a great website for Horror movie info. We use it often.

Anywho, so we found this picture of Ana De Armas, and headed over to Google Images to do a proper investigation into this new-to-us beauty. What we found out was that this Cuban fox is not only ridiculously gorgeous, but that this Blind Alley flick she was in looked pretty interesting.

The movie's Writer/Director, Antonio Trashorras, is the guy who wrote the Spanish classic The Devil's Backbone. It's also produced by the people who brought us flicks like The Hidden Face, Hierro, Intruders, and Julia's Eyes, all of which are great films in their own right.

So naturally, we we're all sorts of intrigued to see this one.

It's going to be really hard to break this one down without spoiling some of its plot elements and twists, so we're going to do our best to keep it vague.

Blind Alley is the story of Rosa, a smoking hot young girl from Cuba, who is living in Spain. By day she toils away as a maid at a luxury hotel, but her real dream is to be a dancer on some crazy looking TV show. After receiving a late night call back for her big audition, she heads over to a 24-hour laundromat to wash her costume.

She really wants to be a dancer.

When a creepy looking Hobo comes into the laundromat to rob it of its change, the naturally fearful and skittish Rosa thinks she's done for... until a sexy and suave Spaniard named Gabriel shows up and shoos the creepy Hobo away. She instantly feels safer and is drawn to Gabriel and his Latin Lover charms, although he turns out to be not so charming after all...

"Wait a minute.. you're supposed to be charming!"

What follows is a cat-and-mouse-like game of survival between the sweet and naive Rosa, and the creeper who wants to make her pass away.

That's all we're saying, folks.

"I'm going to miss my audition, aren't I?"

From the groovy Austin Powers-esque opening credits dance sequence, to the twisty and blood-soaked finale, Blind Alley was one hell of a fun watch. Written and produced by a bunch of folks who have given us plenty of great Spanish Horror flicks that we've enjoyed, this movie rises above the usual trappings of the Slasher genre, and goes to places that we weren't expecting it to.

Yeah, we were surprised too.

Antonio Trashorras not only gives us some interesting and compelling visuals to digest (complete with an Argento nod here and there), but he more importantly gives us a compelling story. We feel for Rosa, being a foreigner whose boss and boyfriend both treat her like dirt, leaving her feeling isolated and under appreciated. All she really has is her sister and her dream of becoming a dancer to hold her together, and then all of a sudden, the shit hits the fan.

Ana De Armas needs to be a bigger star. She's a perfect mixture of sex appeal and innocence, and she's not a bad actress either. More, please.

We feel your fright, Ana De Armas. We feel it.

Why was Rosa so timid and foolish? Sure, she needs to be both of those things to make the movie work, but her stupidity was just frustrating at times. Would a young, beautiful, obviously timid girl like that really walk to an all-night laundry at the end of a dark and deserted alley, just to wash a dress? Yes, she had the audition of her life the next day, but good lord, I wouldn't have walked down that alley to wash something in the middle of the night, why in the world would she?

Should have just sprayed perfume on that dress, huh?

The ending. The typical, old school, Euro-Horror, freeze-frame ending. We love endings like that (IE. Gates of Hell, The Beyond, etc...) on a goofy, WTF level, but the logistics of it left us confused in this case. We really can't say much about it lest we spoil things, but we will say this; certain rules set up earlier in the movie seemed to not apply at its end.

"Ssh, ssh. It won't be alright."

Blind Alley delivered some great blood and gore, but in small doses. Towards the end things get pretty messy, but just know that this isn't one of those movies that is all body count and FX gags.

One bloody boob. It's obviously a fashion statement.

No, and what a rip off! Ana De Armas is far too hot to keep clothed! Sex may not have fit very well into the framework of this movie, but they could have given us a sleazy flashback... or two... or something... bah!

Blind Alley, like most Spanish Horror /Thriller flicks, is a tight and well constructed venture. I admire Spanish Horror filmmakers for their use of deeper meaning and varied themes to get their points across. You mix that dynamic with some palpable tension and a bit of gratuitous bloodletting, and you have yourself a winner. A good story really does go a long way. See this when it hits VOD soon, and if you live in Germany or Spain, grab a copy when it hits DVD/BD over the next few months. This was one fun flick.

B+ 

What can we say about Ana De Armas... well, we can honestly say that she is one of the most stunningly beautiful women we've ever laid eyes on. Sure, we're very partial to the dark hair, doe-eyed, pouty lipped, curvy girls to begin with, but even if we weren't, this girl is a world class stunner.