February 17, 2013

Blind Alley (2013)

(aka You'll go Blind thinking about Ana De Armas's Alley)
Release Date: Awaiting VOD release in U.S. and on DVD in March/Blu-ray in April.
Country: Spain, Colombia.
Written & Directed by: Antonio Trashorras.
Starring: Ana De Armas, Jeff Gum, Leonor Varela and Diego Cadavid.

This movie first came to our attention when we caught a random picture of its star, Ana De Armas, while browsing around at UHM. *For the record, UHM is a great website for Horror movie info. We use it often.

Anywho, so we found this picture of Ana De Armas, and headed over to Google Images to do a proper investigation into this new-to-us beauty. What we found out was that this Cuban fox is not only ridiculously gorgeous, but that this Blind Alley flick she was in looked pretty interesting.

The movie's Writer/Director, Antonio Trashorras, is the guy who wrote the Spanish classic The Devil's Backbone. It's also produced by the people who brought us flicks like The Hidden Face, Hierro, Intruders, and Julia's Eyes, all of which are great films in their own right.

So naturally, we we're all sorts of intrigued to see this one.

It's going to be really hard to break this one down without spoiling some of its plot elements and twists, so we're going to do our best to keep it vague.

Blind Alley is the story of Rosa, a smoking hot young girl from Cuba, who is living in Spain. By day she toils away as a maid at a luxury hotel, but her real dream is to be a dancer on some crazy looking TV show. After receiving a late night call back for her big audition, she heads over to a 24-hour laundromat to wash her costume.

She really wants to be a dancer.
When a creepy looking Hobo comes into the laundromat to rob it of its change, the naturally fearful and skittish Rosa thinks she's done for... until a sexy and suave Spaniard named Gabriel shows up and shoos the creepy Hobo away. She instantly feels safer and is drawn to Gabriel and his Latin Lover charms, although he turns out to be not so charming after all...

"Wait a minute.. you're supposed to be charming!"
What follows is a cat-and-mouse-like game of survival between the sweet and naive Rosa, and the creeper who wants to make her pass away.

That's all we're saying, folks.

"I'm going to miss my audition, aren't I?"
From the groovy Austin Powers-esque opening credits dance sequence, to the twisty and blood-soaked finale, Blind Alley was one hell of a fun watch. Written and produced by a bunch of folks who have given us plenty of great Spanish Horror flicks that we've enjoyed, this movie rises above the usual trappings of the Slasher genre, and goes to places that we weren't expecting it to.

Yeah, we were surprised too.
Antonio Trashorras not only gives us some interesting and compelling visuals to digest (complete with an Argento nod here and there), but he more importantly gives us a compelling story. We feel for Rosa, being a foreigner whose boss and boyfriend both treat her like dirt, leaving her feeling isolated and under appreciated. All she really has is her sister and her dream of becoming a dancer to hold her together, and then all of a sudden, the shit hits the fan.

Ana De Armas needs to be a bigger star. She's a perfect mixture of sex appeal and innocence, and she's not a bad actress either. More, please.

We feel your fright, Ana De Armas. We feel it.
Why was Rosa so timid and foolish? Sure, she needs to be both of those things to make the movie work, but her stupidity was just frustrating at times. Would a young, beautiful, obviously timid girl like that really walk to an all-night laundry at the end of a dark and deserted alley, just to wash a dress? Yes, she had the audition of her life the next day, but good lord, I wouldn't have walked down that alley to wash something in the middle of the night, why in the world would she?

Should have just sprayed perfume on that dress, huh?
The ending. The typical, old school, Euro-Horror, freeze-frame ending. We love endings like that (IE. Gates of Hell, The Beyond, etc...) on a goofy, WTF level, but the logistics of it left us confused in this case. We really can't say much about it lest we spoil things, but we will say this; certain rules set up earlier in the movie seemed to not apply at its end.

"Ssh, ssh. It won't be alright."
Blind Alley delivered some great blood and gore, but in small doses. Towards the end things get pretty messy, but just know that this isn't one of those movies that is all body count and FX gags.

One bloody boob. It's obviously a fashion statement.
No, and what a rip off! Ana De Armas is far too hot to keep clothed! Sex may not have fit very well into the framework of this movie, but they could have given us a sleazy flashback... or two... or something... bah!

Blind Alley, like most Spanish Horror /Thriller flicks, is a tight and well constructed venture. I admire Spanish Horror filmmakers for their use of deeper meaning and varied themes to get their points across. You mix that dynamic with some palpable tension and a bit of gratuitous bloodletting, and you have yourself a winner. A good story really does go a long way. See this when it hits VOD soon, and if you live in Germany or Spain, grab a copy when it hits DVD/BD over the next few months. This was one fun flick.


What can we say about Ana De Armas... well, we can honestly say that she is one of the most stunningly beautiful women we've ever laid eyes on. Sure, we're very partial to the dark hair, doe-eyed, pouty lipped, curvy girls to begin with, but even if we weren't, this girl is a world class stunner.



  1. This is a horrifically misogynistic review of an ok film. Shame on you.

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  3. How in the world was this a "horrifically misogynistic" review?

    Those words do not mean what you think they do, that's the real shame.

    1. I am pretty sure they know exactly what misogynistic means, "reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women." When you treat women like sexual objects that exist for your own pleasure, that is misogynistic. I read that line "she is far too hot to keep clothed", like she is some piece of meat who should expose herself just to fulfill guys sexual fantasies. She's a person you know. That made the guy who wrote that sounds seriously pathetic.

    2. How is appreciating the beauty of the female form "reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women?" If that is truly the case, then a great many men and women in this world are horrible, debased misogynists/sexists.

      That is obviously not the case.

      In context with everything else that was written, "she is far too hot to keep clothed" was absolutely meant to be tongue-in-cheek. We always mix humor, sarcasm, and silly comments in with our reviews, because that makes them more fun. Sex, nudity, and pervasive imagery is a large part of the Horror genre, and honestly, and genre of film. Sex sells, and the world at large is always buying.

      We often make light of that topic, for various reasons. Also, we like boobs. None of that is ever said with "hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment." You want to bitch at somebody about those issues, go talk to the people that make movies, and use sexuality as a part of their medium.

      If someone honestly thinks that someone writing a movie review about a darkly comedic Horror Movie is demanding that an actress in said film pander to some sort of sexual desires or fantasies, it is they who are pathetic.

      They really need to check their privilege, and lighten the hell up.

  4. Where can I watch this movie?

  5. It should be on VOD in the U.S. by fall, or if you have a region free DVD player, it's available as an import from Japan.

  6. Thanks! BTW, I love reading your reviews. I wish you had a seperate section just for netflix of hulu horror.

  7. Sorry man! the film is below average. It is not the best as you said. the climax is completely rubbish.

  8. I understand the comment of the "misogynistic review of a film", and, in a way, I agree. I think you are aaaaallways showing pictures of the "femanle stars" in the reviews, in terms that may seem "sexual objects" (well, the pictures are usually a little hot) but never the "male ones". Wow, my english is shit, sorry. As a female, woman, person, I'd like to see pictures of men, please make it come true some day :D

  9. Your English is just fine, Warmy, and you make a fair point.

    We have shown some pictures of "sexy" men from time to time in our reviews, but definitely not as much as we do the women. We will work on balancing it out a bit more. You just can't yell at us if we pick the worng ones :)