Netflix Review: The Dead Room (2016)

"The Dull Room."

There have been some pretty solid Horror flicks that have come out of New Zealand over the past few years. Deathgasm, What We Do in the Shadows, Housebound, Black Sheep, and The Devil's Rock have all impressed us in different ways, so when anything new and scary comes out from The Land of the Long White Cloud, we take notice.

That said, The Dead Room is the first Kiwi fright flick that we've seen in a while that underwhelmed us. It's a valiant effort, and it does some things well, but overall it's an uninspired affair that offers more tired tropes than it does genuine scares.

It happens.

After a family is scared from their isolated farmhouse by a ghost who likes to bump chandeliers with its head, a crack-team of Paranormal Investigators are called in by the insurance company to see if it was all a hoax or not. There's Scott, the skeptical man of science who refuses to believe in anything Supernatural unless there's concrete proof; Liam, the tech geek who is so in love with his gadgets that he doesn't even notice the sexy vulnerable medium on the team; and then there's Holly, the sexy vulnerable medium who dresses kind of slutty for ghostbusting, but she looks good doing it, so we don't mind at all. She's the hero of the movie.

THEY ARE ILL-EQUIPPED TO FACE THE TASK AT HAND.

On the first day, the three set up camp in the house, cameras, sensors and all, and then turn in to get some sleep. That night, at precisely 3 A.M, one of the sensors detects movement, and a chair rocks by itself. Creepy, but could be nothing, so back to sleep they go. The next night at 3 A.M., they're awoken by a loud bang, but this time Holly says she can see a ghost. Still not sure what it is, they go to sleep.

"WAKE ME WHEN SCIENCE GETS HERE!"

On night three at 3 A.M. (this ghost is dependable if anything), chandeliers swing, walls get punched, and doors slam. We're not going to discuss the plot any further here, not because it would spoil anything, but because it's pretty much that same thing over and over again until the last 10 minutes of the movie, when we kinda find out what is going on. But not really.

HURRY, GET TO THE SAFE ROOM WHICH ISN'T SAFE AT ALL! OR MAYBE IT IS. JUST RUN!

The Dead Room wasn't horrible. In fact it's a fairly well-made, low budget Kiwi flick that managed to create a noice and creepy atmosphere, even if it didn't quite know what to do with it. The cast also does a solid job making their characters likable, not counting science guy, which was by design, I'm sure.

The real problem with this movie is that it isn't scary. The house is suitably creepy, but we know so little about why its haunted that there isn't much space for any kind of tension to build. Who is the tall ghost that stalks the halls at night, and why is he doing it? Why is the room at the end of the hallway a safe haven from his supernatural rampage? And what happened in the farmhouse to make it such a supernatural hotspot?

We never get to see the "tall man" ghost, and what we did see at the end (it's hard to explain it any further without delving into spoilers) was quick and fleeting, so it kinda felt like there wasn't any payoff.

Answers to those questions may have helped make things better, although the way it all played out was so stupid at times that it just couldn't be scary. It all started off well, and there were some scary bits here and there throughout, but it never really felt like anyone was in danger. Something scary happens, everyone goes to bed. The next day, something else scary happens, and they go to bed again. Rinse, repeat. By the time any of them decide to do anything, it's the end of the movie, and you just know that they're all doomed, even if it's not exactly clear why.

With most supernatural movies, I usually feel like the characters aren't in any real danger. Most of the time we see movie ghosts slam doors, walk across hallways, jump out an yell boo, contort their faces and scream, and do a bunch of things that look cool, but make no sense threat-wise. I'll admit that I would probably shit myself if anything like that happened to me, but as far as characters in movies go, what are the real stakes if all they have to deal with is flying chairs?

ALRIGHT, SO THINGS MAY HAVE GOTTEN A BIT DANGEROUS AT THE VERY END...

Not really much gore in this one, although there is a pretty gnarly corpse-thing near the end.

Nope, but for a ghostbuster, Laura Petersen sure did wear some skimpy outfits.

DO BONERS KILL GHOSTS OF SOMETHING?

New Zealand is a gorgeous place that we'd really like to visit.

THEN AGAIN...

I have to give this movie some credit for being technically sound, and for its cast being able, but in the end, The Dead Room is a pretty tame Haunted House flick that doesn't pack a ton of scares, and the ones that it does have come late, and are over fairly quickly.

Watch it for free on Netflix if you have it. 

C

The Dead Room is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, VOD, and is streaming on Netflix.

It's not easy finding pictures of Laura Petersen online, but here are a few.

VOD Review: Deathgasm (2015)

We've always said that Horror was the Heavy Metal of the movie world; loud, ballsy, and bastardized by many people as somehow not being as legitimate as other Genres. Any Horror or Heavy Metal fan out there knows that that's bullshit though, as both are the most dynamic, heartfelt, and versatile forms in their respective media. In other words, they both fucking rock.

Why more Horror movies don't feature Heavy Metal on their soundtracks, we'll never know. I get that quieter movies need quieter scores and soundtracks, and that's how it should be, but any big, balls-out, loud, rocking, crazy, funny, insanely gory Horror flick (like this) needs Metal. Lots, and lots of Metal. 

Thankfully, writer/director Jason Lei Howden gets this, and he made Deathgasm into the perfect melding of the two that fans like us want, and deserve. This movie got the Heavy Metal scene, and more accurately, the kids who tend to populate it, dead on right. How fucking great is that?

After his meth addict Mother is sent to the loony bin for trying to suck off a Santa Claus in a crowded mall, outcast teen Brodie is sent to live with his bible-thumping Uncle and his family. Being a Heavy Metal kid, Brodie is constantly picked on and singled out by his classmates, especially his dickhead cousin. The poor kid has got a tough life, and all he really wants to do is rock.

ROCK. JUST LIKE THIS.

Brodie makes fast friends with a couple of other outcast geeks, as well as the local cool Metalhead, Zakk, and the four of them decide to start a metal band together, even though they pretty much suck at making music. He also draws the attention of the school hottie, Medina, which just goes to show you that deep down inside, all chicks really love rockers.

THEY ALSO REALLY LOVE ICE CREAM.

After breaking into the house of legendary Heavy Metal frontman Ricky Daggers, they come upon sheet music for something called The Black Hymn... which when played, supposedly summons the Demon Aeloth from Hell (or wherever he lives), and subsequently ushers in a new age of Demonic Hell on Earth. And so of course they play the Hymn, because they're idiots.

Heavy fucking Metal and Demonic mayhem ensues.

THIS BEING THE AFOREMENTIONED DEMONIC MAYHEM.

The thing that really made Deathgasm work, at least for us, was the way that it marred Horror with Heavy Metal. There's no better music to accentuate the crazy, over-the-top violence and gore of a movie like this than Heavy Metal, and we loved that it was at the very heart of this movie.

From the D&D bits (especially the dice); to the sex toy massacre; to the way that the demons behaved in that Evil Dead/Dead Alive Deadite-like manner; to the fountains of blood; to the way that Medina went from straight-laced good girl to rocker chick after 10 seconds of listening to Heavy Metal; to great lines like "Metal up your ass, motherfucker!", this movie entertained the living shit out of us.

In all fairness, we grew up listening to Heavy Metal, playing D&D, and rocking long hair and jean jackets like the characters in this movie did, and for those reasons, Deathgasm might have resonated better with us than it will with some people. In fact, that's probably why it did resonate so well with us, but what can you do?

US, IN 9TH GRADE.

Deathgasm displayed obvious shades of The Evil Dead throughout, but its main influence was obviously Dead Alive by Peter Jackson. At times during this one, I remarked on how much it reminded me of Peter Jackson's early Horror flicks, and after going to IMDB and learning that the director had worked on the Hobbit films, our suspicions were all but confirmed. Not only did he create a fun little homage, but his expertise with Visual FX was also working full tilt in Deathgasm, as the movie's gore gags look far better than they do in most smaller flicks like this.

The cast was solid in this one as well. All of the main players are basically unknowns to us, but they nailed their parts perfectly. Especially Kimberley Crossman. She's special. 

YES, KIMBERLEY, BY SPECIAL WE DO MEAN HOT.

The ending could have been a bit stronger. As great as this movie was, and as much as the coming of The Blind One was hyped up throughout, the final confrontation was quick and kind of silly. The last bit just didn't feel right to us.

HE KIND OF WENT OUT LIKE A BITCH.

Why did Zakk have to be such a dick? Don't sell us on how much of a bro he is, and then have him pull some of the dick moves that he did, because that kind of kills the whole camaraderie thing. That was a shitty plot device that this movie didn't need.

NOT COOL, BRO!

This is one crazy, bloody, wet and red splatterfest; and we're talking like near Dead Alive levels of gory here. Even if most of it was played for laughs, this movie is definitely not for the squeamish.

THIS x 100.

We get a couple of topless girls, and Kimberley Crossman looking really good throughout this one... even if she did remain fully clothed. 

DELANEY TABRON WAS LOOKING MIGHT FINE AS WELL.

Heavy Metal fucking rules. There's nothing else that need be learned.

ALSO, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE HOT CHICK. YOU'LL PAY FOR IT IF YOU DO.

in 2015, New Zealand has given us two of the funniest and most enjoyable Horror Comedies of the year with What We Do in the Shadows, and now, Deathgasm. Sure, this movie is kind of dumb and even silly at times, but it's also fun, funny as hell, gorier than most, and even a bit sentimental. What else can you really ask for from a Horror Comedy?

We loved it, and if you like your Horror served up with a liberal dose of Heavy Metal badassery, then you're probably going to love it too.

A-

Deathgasm is available now on VOD.

How about that Kimberley Crossman, eh?

Blu-ray Review: What We Do in the Shadows (2015)

(aka This is Jugular Tap)
Release Date: February 13th (Limited)
Country: New Zealand.
Rating: NR.
Written & Directed by: Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi.
Starring: Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi, Jonathan Brugh, Cori Gonzalez-Macuer, Stuart Rutherford, and Ben Fransham.

Vladislav, Viago, Deacon and Petyr are four vampires living in Wellington, NZ, who are just trying to get through life the best way they know how. The vampire flatmates are a bit behind the times, still dressing like they did when they became vampires hundreds of years ago, and having no clue how to use modern technology at all, but they sure like to party. Especially Petyr.

IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO WAKE PETYR UP FROM HIS NAP.

When Petyr accidentally turns Nick (a would-be meal) into a vampire, the guys are forced to let the him join their group. Nick has a rough time adapting to life as a vampire, which eventually leads to him bringing tragedy to their doorstep, and so he is banished from the fold after a brutal and horrific shaming ritual. Shame!

WHAT IS HE DOING UP THERE?

We don't really want to say too much more about the plot here, not because it would necessarily spoil things, but because this movie is a Mockumentary, and the plot isn't really all that important. We will say though, that this movie is so frigging silly, that it's brilliant.

HE IS A MESSY EATER.

When we first watched this movie, our reaction was basically "Yeah, that was pretty funny." We liked it, but we didn't really think it was all that great. It stuck with us though, and its scenes and lines kept popping up in our heads, and we'd find ourselves laughing at random times just thinking about them. When we sat down to watch it for a second time was when we truly "got it," and it slayed us. This is a really, really funny flick.

THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING FUN.

If you've ever seen Flight of the Conchords, or just about anything else that Kiwi comedians Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi have been involved with over the years, then you know exactly what to expect here. WWDITS is deadpan comedy, Mockumentary style, which plays a lot like fellow Mockumentaries Best in Show or Fear of A Black Hat, and it also feels reminiscent of The Office in it's reality mechanics. Some of the jokes and bits may not work as well as others, but nothing feels forced in this movie. We like its natural vibe.

It's really the actors that make this movie so great. They all have such a good sense of comic timing, and their delivery is both so deadpan and perfect, that they elevate an already clever script to a higher level. Then again, most of the film was improvised (with the actors not really seeing a script), so I guess that the script had very little do with the outcome, and it is indeed the actors that make this movie what it is.

THAT SCARF HELPED TOO.

The funniest moments in the movie come from the littlest things: the vampires not being able to acclimate themselves to the modern world; a newly-turned vampire trying to get through a window; a vampire's reaction to being woken up from a deep sleep; "Do you like pasghetti?"; the vamps not being able to get into a club because the bouncers won't invite them in; Swearwolves; "No you're not, you fucking piece of shit"; the Procession of Shame, the virgin sandwich analogy... Like any good Mockumentary, the good stuff is this movie is found in the minutiae, and the minutiae in this movie is wickedly funny.
 
What We Do in the Shadows is the This is Spinal Tap for the new millennium; it's every bit as brilliant in its execution, and it's just about as funny in most places. As Mockumentaries go, it doesn't get much better than this.

HE FIRES HIS ARROWS THE RIGHT WAY; ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BOW!

Vampires are people too. Kind of. Also, werewolves have impeccable manners.

WEREWOLVES, NOT SWEARWOLVES.

Weeks after seeing it, we still laugh whenever we think about What We Do in the Shadows. This is a very funny, enjoyable movie, and though its comic stylings may not be for everybody, we're pretty sure that most people that give it a chance will enjoy it as much as we did. Do yourselves a favor and see this one when you get the chance to.

A

What We Do in the Shadows will be available on VOD and in Limited Release as of February 13th. *It's already available on Blu-ray/DVD in Australia/NZ, if you have a Region-Free player.

Since there weren't a lot of Hotties in this movie, here are some more pics from the movie instead. You might even find some of them sexy. Who knows.