February 24, 2018

Blu-ray Review: Evils of the Night (1985)

"If the tag-line "Full of sex, lasers, synth-pop, feathered hair, bikinis and axe wounds..." doesn't make you want to see this movie, then run away and do not look back."

A bunch of old-ass space vampires need the blood of the young to survive and remain immortal, so they head to Skank Bang Beach to capture and drain some local whores and their dimwit boyfriends of their life essence.

AH, SUMMERTIME.
The sex-starved teens (who look like they're in their 30's), party, swim, lay in the sun, have sex, and are kidnapped by two 90-year-old mechanics who deliver them to the space vampires in a hospital, who are equipped with rings that shoot weak laser rays, just in case their victims try to escape.

There's really all there is to the plot. Honestly, I probably overstated things a bit.

HE'S 120-YEARS-OLD, YOU CAN TAKE HIM!
Make no mistake, Evils of the Night is a bad movie. It's full of hot naked chicks, has tons of sex, and is amusing with its silly plot and even sillier acting, but if you don't like bad movies, then this one will pain you to watch.

It would make for one hell of an MST3K episode, though.

With classic names like Aldo Ray, Neville Brand, Horror legend John Carradine, Julie Newmar (the original Catwoman), and Tina Louise (Ginger from Gilligan's Island) in the cast, you'd figure that this movie was going to be something above b-grade, but no, they were just looking for a paycheck.

That's alright though, because their presence, along with the absurdity of the plot, acting, special effects, and gratuitous sex and nudity, make for one crazy, mixed-up, throwback of a good time.

IF YOU HAD A PENIS IN THE 80'S YOU KNEW WHO AMBER LYNN WAS.
Did anyone else notice that the Blu-ray art/poster shows the Millennium Falcon shooting through space? How Lucasfilm let that one slip by, is a mystery to me. And who did the producers of this movie think they were fooling to begin with?

Also, the "Features some of the most gruesome special effects ever put to film" line that I've seen used in reference to this movie is a straight-up lie. This movie is mostly blood-free, and if anyone says any different, you shouldn't trust the words that come out of their mouths.

THAT FEATHERED HAIR LOL.
Why did so many classic actors and actresses take such shitty roles in shitty movies during the 80's? Don't get me wrong, I'd take the easy paycheck too if I were them, but damn, you've really got to be broke to show up in a clunker like this. Worst of all is that they're all really trying to act in this one. Like giving a genuine effort.

They deserved better.

WHO THAT GUY IN THE MIDDLE IS, WE HAVE NO CLUE.
As cute as G.T. Taylor (who played Connie) was, how is it that she never starred in another movie besides this one? Sure, maybe she went onto something better in her life, but she was so 80's hot that it makes us sad that she went away.

SHE HAD SUCH POTENTIAL...
For a B-grade Horror flick from the 80's that shamelessly went the exploitation route, you'd figure that there would be plenty of gore and violence to be had here, but no. Although and axe and a drill provide some gore, this is a tame movie on that front.

BEHOLD, THE VIOLENCE!
I'm pretty sure that this movie was originally supposed to be some sort of softcore porn flick, because the first 20-minutes of this one is nothing but sex and nudity. Even 80's porn superstars Amber Lynn and Jerry Butler show up to get it on.

THIS IS WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO ON A PUBLIC BEACH.
If you like bad movies, cheesy retro Horror, naked chicks, or Aldo Ray, then this is one disc that you need to own.The movie sucks, but it's definitely one to watch with a few cold beers when you're in the mood for some retro laughs.

Evils of the Night is available on Blu-ray, DVD and VOD now.

http://amzn.to/2FtsZqt

This movie is full of Retro Hotties, chief amongst them, the insatiable Amber Lynn.

Retro Horror Hotties: The Girls of Evils of the Night (1985)

80's pornstars, a former Miss California, and a few who had all-to-brief Hollywood careers: It's hard to find good pics of some of these 80's ladies,but they made Evils of The Night what it was, so we tried our best to do them justice.

AMBER LYNN
KARRIE EMERSON
BRIDGET HOLLOMAN
K.T. TAYLOR
KELLY PARSONS
JODI SWAFFORD

February 23, 2018

What's New on VOD This Week? (2/20-2/23)

Thor: Ragnarok was a hilarious movie, and it's the best MCU movie to date, in our opinion. We say that because it's big and action-packed, but moreso because it's  the most fun and funniest of any MCU movie to date. We're waiting to grab the Blu-ray, but if you prefer your movies digital style, then this is one to get a hold of right now.

The rest of this weeks streaming releases all look promising in their own right as well. The Lodgers and The Chamber are on our must see list; Like Me stars Addison Timlin (whom we love), and looks like a trippy ride; and Curvature, Downhill, and Headshot are lower-budget affairs that might just pack a punch.

Happy streaming!

*Be sure to click the pics to rent the movies, or watch their trailers. Or both. Or neither. It really depends on your mood, now doesn't it?  

*If you aren't already a member, you should really give Amazon Prime a shot, especially if you order movies on the regular like we do, because the free two-day shipping pays for itself after around 10 orders. Check it out for free HERE.

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