Review: Inside (A L'Interiéur) (2008)

*This is a repost of our review if Inside that we did 10 years ago (it's been that long?!?), to coincide with the release of its remake.

This is a story about the miracle of life; a sweet, young French chick (Alysson Paradis) is knocked-up and just about to give birth, while another French chick (Beatrice Dalle) really wants to help her deliver the baby, in any way she can... or maybe she just wants to take the baby for herself, and kill a bunch of people in the process. Either way, it's really all about love.

This is not love.

The bond between two women can be an immeasurable thing; it can be a special, and an often-times precious thing. When one of the women is pregnant and about to give birth, that bond ascends to a new level. The Police can't interfere with it, nor can a Mother or a Boss... they all just die horribly if they do. What can come between two friends though, and ultimately destroy an entire relationship, is a pair of fucking scissors.

"Friendship's over, bitch!"

I'd love to ruin what happens next (especially the ending) for you here, because then I could share my thoughts on what and how everything in this movie unfolds, but I don't want to spoil your fun. By fun, I mean disgust and terror.

Um, she can see you.

I'll be damned if this movie took any more than 30 seconds to make me cringe; the opening credits even made my stomach start to churn. From the absolute beginning, this movie had me feeling uneasy, and as it went on, the unease turned to shock and eventually to genuine terror. I don't know if I've ever seen a movie that was this viscerally violent and hauntingly creepy all at the same time.

To say that Inside is full of blood and gore is almost funny; it's jam-packed with the stuff, and to the point where I turned from the screen on more than one occasion. The gore, coupled with the terrifying atmosphere and tension of the movie, should mess with even the toughest of Horror fans.

Who knew scissors were so multi-functional?

The claustrophobic feel of the house (where most of the movie takes place) adds to the tension and the overwhelming feeling of dread brought on by the circumstances that our main character finds herself in. The colors were bleak, the shadows were plenty, and the ghost of creeping doom was around every corner. Oh, and the last shot of the movie is truly haunting, and won't likely be leaving my mind for some time to come.

Beatrice Dalle's performance as "The Woman" was nothing short of amazing. She was crazed, ominous, terrifying and eventually sympathetic in a very odd way, and she kicked my ass for the entire time she was on screen. There is a scene where she is trying to get through a door to have at Alysson Paradis... I'll just say that it didn't look like acting to me.

INSANE!

No... not the cat too!!!!

Poor Henri. All he wanted was some catnip, and maybe a hug.

Fuck me sideways, this movie is mean-spirited and a tough watch. That's all I've got to say.

This was pretty much our reaction during this movie.

Vomit. Blood spray. Pregnant stomach stabbing. Nut-sack gouging. Scissor/face dancing... And that's only by the halfway mark... and it only gets worse. I don't want to say too much and give away the plot, but this movie will definitely turn stomachs.

The half-way mark.

Unless you count pregnant bellies as nudity, then no nudity. There is a creepy make out scene though...

Not hot.

Drive careful, forget the fuse box and run, and don't watch French Horror flicks if you want to sleep later that night.

Fuck me sideways

If you're any kind of a self-respecting Horror fan, this one is a must own. Beautifully shot, directed, acted and drenched in buckets of blood,  this is a complete Horror film in every way.

A+

Inside is available now on DVD and VOD.

Ugly movies, pretty ladies.

Random Movie of the Week Review: House (2008)

"Not nearly as bad as we expected it to be."

Every week, we sit down, surf through the Netflix and On Demands of the world, find ourselves a random, B-Grade Horror flick that we've never seen, and watch it. Sometimes we're surprised with how they turn out, and sometimes they're just as bad as we expect them to be. 

Either way, it makes for a good time. This is one of those films.

We weren't expecting much from House, as it's a direct-to-video effort that boasts Michael Madsen as its biggest name (we love the guy, but he is in A LOT of bad movies.) Then we saw that it also had Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook, and Lew Temple in it, and that it was based on a book that got some pretty good reviews, so we though "Hey, this might not be so bad after all."

And it wasn't.

After the death of their daughter, Jack and Stephanie decide to go and see a marriage counselor, because they're having a rough time. While speeding along the back roads of Alabama, Jack gets them lost. Lucky or them, local Cop Michael Madsen is nearby to give them directions back to the highway... which involves taking a "Shortcut" down a creepy dirt road. That should work out well.

SOMEHOW, THE CHICKEN IS BEHIND THIS.

Still driving like a jerk, Jack drives over some debris, leaving them stranded with two flat tires on the deserted old road. There's also another car a few feet away that suffered the same fate, which is probably a good sign. Like any rational person would do, they decide to continue down the dirt road on foot, which leads them to the Wayside Inn, which looks like a crackhouse in disrepair. They've gotta have a phone though, right? And probably ghosts.

YEP. GHOSTS.

Turns out that the Wayside Inn is some sort of spiritual way station for evil souls, and those evil souls like to eat troubled souls, or stranded motorists, or some such shit like that. All I know is that Jack and Stephanie, along with another stranded couple, have to fight for their lives against the Inn's homicidal staff, and some creepy dude named The Tin Man, who writes messages on tin cans, and wants a sacrifice before dawn, or everyone dies.

Don't ask.

YEAH, IT'S ONE OF THOSE.

House is nothing you haven't seen before. It's a very typical Backwoods Horror story, that kinda reminded us of Wrong Turn. It also felt a bit like The Hills Run Red, as The Tin Man kinda gave off a Babyface vibe with his mask and the way that he talked, which was cool. There was also a strong hint of Saw thrown in there with the way that The Tin Man wanted everyone to "play his game" and pitted them against each other.

But it's also based on a fairly successful book that has a Christian bent to it, so I suppose it is different in a way. Now, I'm not all about being preached to while I watch a movie, which is why Kirk Cameron and his shitty rapture movies can suck it, but this one was pretty subtle about it until the ending. The part with the white light was kinda neat in a way, and even though it ended on one of those "You have to appreciate the life that you've got" notes, it didn't piss us off all that much.

I know that doesn't sound like much of a ringing endorsement, but trust me; when a movie like this doesn't piss us off, that's a good thing, because so many do.

The cast did a pretty good job here too, with Bill Moseley being his usual, awesome self; and Michael Madsen, Leslie Easterbrook and Lew Temple doing their genre shtick fairly well.

HOW MUCH PIE CAN A GIRL EAT?!?

There was no shortage of violence throughout this one, although none of it was particularly over-the-top; heads are smashed, people are shot, stabbed, and cut. People also bleed black smoke and white light in this one too, so...

A MEAT LOCKER IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN IN A MOVIE LIKE THIS.

No nudity in this one, but damn does Julie Ann Emery ever know how to wear a low-cut outfit to perfection.

GOD BLESS HER.

I'm not saying that House is a great movie at all, but it is a decent movie, and one that surprised us by not making us want to throw the remote through our TV screen. Don't pay to see it, but if you ever find yourself looking through your On Demand menu for something to kill time with, you could do worse than giving this one a go.

C

We watched House on Cinemax On Demand, but it's also available on DVD and VOD.

We had no idea while watching this one that Julie Ann Emery was the chick from both Better Call Saul and Fargo.

Room 205 (2008)

(aka Kolelgiet)
Release Date: On DVD now
Directed by: Martin Barnewitz
Written by: Jannik Tai Mosholt
Starring: Neel Ronholt, Mikkel Arendt and Julie R. Olgaard
 
Denmark has given us a girl with a dragon tattoo, the perverse styling of Lars Von Trier, the amazing styling of Nicolas Winding Refn, and the lead singer of 80's super group White Lion. As far as horror flicks go, well, Denmark isn't very famous for those.

That's why we approached Room 205 with such interest; We've seen Vikaren and Antichrist, and we wanted to see if they had it in them to pull it off again.

Denmark has also given us King Diamond, and if he isn't terrifying, I don't know what is.

Hot, innocent little Katrine moves to the big city to go to University. She meets a group of fellow students who are essentially the snotty cool kids, lead by the snootiest, snottiest, snittiest of them all, Sanne. When Katrine lets her slutty side come out and bangs Sanne's ex-boyfriend, she becomes an outcast!

"You dont bang my ex's, you dumb bitch!"

The cool kids try to bully Katrine; being mean and snarky, smacking her in the mouth and calling her Flugelhoffenbrackensnus (we have no idea what that even means.) They also try to scare her with the local legend of the ghost of a dead girl who haunts the hallways of their dormitory. That must have been tempting fate, because soon enough that very same ghost begins to haunt people! Also, it's Katrine's fault, because she sets the ghost girl free of her ghost prison...

"Thanks for freeing me, you dumb bitch!"

People in the dorm start dying left and right, and no one believes Katrine when she says it's the ghost that's killing everyone. Of course, she sets out to find a way to stop the ghost girl, and end her campaign of revenge!

Room 205 is mostly  knock off of  J-Horror films that involve a vengeful ghost who has been wronged in some way or another. In fact, if you had just replaced the cast of the movie with Japanese actors, it would have been a J-Horror movie to the core. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. It's well made, the girls are nice to look at, and it has its creepy moments. There's blood too, which is always a good thing.

...and some gang rape.

Standing on its own, as a horror flick from a Country not used to making horror flicks, its pretty damned good. If you look at it as a horror flick in general though, it doesn't really stand out from the crowd. Then again movies don't always have to be very different to be good. Being effective while being the same as so many others is alright too.

Who am I to be so harsh on this movie anyhow; America can't make a movie like this on its best horror day anymore. Here in the U.S. of A., the only horror movies that come out of Hollywood and scare people these days are POV flicks like Paranormal Activity. I'm truly starting to believe that atmosphere is now a thing of Indie Cinema and Foreign Film;  Indie Cinema because it tends to be more raw, and Foreign Films because they tend to be so nuanced and story driven. I know, that point could easily be debated, but for the most part, it's a true statement. What used to be the rule in Hollywood is now the exception in most cases.

Now that's how it's done.

Anywho, this was a good Danish flick full of atmosphere and tension, even if it felt more than familiar.

C+ Room 205 is a decent movie that looks good, is filled with good looking people, and does the supernatural revenge thing well enough. It's nothing we haven't seen before, but keep in mind that the movie is Danish, and for them this is relatively unexplored territory. If you're a fan of Grudge-like movies, you should enjoy this one. If you're tired of too many movies biting off of the J and K-Horror style, then you will most likely just roll your eyes at this one.

Why do the Scandinavian countries have so many hot chicks? They need to start exporting them here... in a non human trafficking sort of way.Or traffick them if you want, just get them here please! *THC in no way supports human trafficking, even when it involves really hot chicks who we feel should be sex slaves to some deviant pervert somewhere.