VOD Review: Most Beautiful Island (2017)

"A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do to survive in the big city."

Luciana is an immigrant living in NYC, who works a string of odd jobs just to make ends meet. Her mother tells her to come back home, but it's clear that she's running from something terrible that happened, so she's determined to make it in the city however she can.

LIFE IS TOUGH IN THE BIG CITY.

Her friend Olga gives her a great opportunity to work a party where all she has to do is show up and look pretty, and she'll get paid $2000 at the end of the night. Even though it sounds sketchy, she accepts, and finds herself in a skanky warehouse where a group of New York's rich elite are about to subject her to a game that's even more terrifying to play than "Come massage my belly" with Harvey Weinstein.

A whole shitload of NOPE ensues.

BUT AT LEAST SHE'S GOT FRIENDS, RIGHT?

There aren't many movies that have me covering my eyes and trying to find my happy place to escape the disturbing shit that's happening onscreen, but this is surely one of those.

For most of its runtime, Most Beautiful Island plays like a document of an immigrants life as she makes her way through the mean streets of New York City, trying to scratch out a living in any way she can. Luciana is tortured by something in her past, and the talented Ana Asenio does a great job of showing us her life as one of isolation and despair. We like the girl, and we want her to persevere.

As the movie builds slowly towards the end, where Luciana heads off to work a mysterious party in order to survive, the dread builds slowly and realistically, until it culminates in a scene that... sweet Jesus, it was simple and quiet, but it was genuinely terrifying in a very unsettling way.

I can't spoil it. I mean, I could, but that would be a dick move on my part, and this movie deserves to open its own doors.

Asa Asenio did a special thing with her directorial debut, and she's definitely one to watch.

FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES.

This movie is a blood-free affair.

BUT THE TERROR IS PALPABLE.

Not only did Asa Asenio write, direct and star in the movie, but she bares it all with Natasha Romanova in one of the creepiest damned scenes that we've ever witnessed.

SEXY AND SMART. WE DIG IT.

Most Beautiful Island is a movie that takes a while to get going, but there's an underlying current of dread throughout that makes to the slow-burn trip to the finale (where we finally get to see what's behind that warehouse door) well-worth it.

B+

Most Beautiful Island is available now on VOD.

Most beautiful ladies.

Netflix Review: Gerald's Game (2017)

"A room, a dog, some handcuffs, and a haunted past make up the terror of Gerald's Game."

(aka Kink Gone Wrong.)
Release Date: September 29th.
Country: USA.
Rating: TV-MA.
Written by: Stephen King and Mike Flanagan.
Directed by: Mike Flanagan.
Starring: Carla Gugino, Bruce Greenwood, Henry Thomas, and Chiara Aurelia.

With a resume that boasts movies like Oculus (review HERE), Ouija: Origin of Evil (review HERE), and Hush (review HERE), our expectation for Mike Flanagan's adaptation of the Stephen King novel Gerald's Game were over the moon.

The guy knows how to craft an effective movie, and if anyone could make this quiet, isolated, disturbing story come to proper life on screen, it would be him.

And boy did he ever.

Jessie and Gerald are a married couple who need some spice in their life, or at least Gerald does. You see, Gerald is a BDSM freak (no judgment) who needs to take Viagra to be able to make sweet love, unless bondage or rape fantasies are involved, then he's all good on his own. Jessie is a sweet and loving wife who is trying to make her husband happy, but she had a rough childhood, and that tends to weigh heavily on her.

SO MUCH LOVE.

They decide to spend a quiet weekend together at their lake house, where they're hoping that kinky games like "Shut up and take it", "Who's Daddy's special little girl?", and "Bitch, obey!" will somehow save their faltering marriage. So Gerald cuffs her to the bed and begins to show her how to have some "real fun", when he has a heart attack and dies on top of her. Of course Jessie kicks him off of the bed, because that's gross.

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH A METAPHOR FOR THE MOVIE.

Jessie, cuffed to the bed with no food or water, starts to freak out and have hallucinations. Her dead husband is up and talking to her, and she's also walking around the room talking to the her that's cuffed to the bed. There's also a wild dog who is really hungry, and a ghostly specter called The Moonlight Man who shows up at night wanting to steal her soul.

They probably should have stayed at a Motel 6.

AND HE'S A FOOT FETISHIST.

For me, the best Stephen King adaptations tend to be his "Non-Horror" stories. Movies like Stand By Me, The Shawshank Redemption, Dolores Claiborne, and The Green Mile are all phenomenal films, and while they all, including Gerald's Game, contain their own horrific elements, they ascend to that higher level of storytelling. Now don't get me wrong, I love his Horror flicks a ton (Salem's Lot, IT, Cujo, The Dead Zone, to name a few), but he has a genuine knack for telling human stories, and tapping into that human vulnerability that we all identify with. I think that he shines when he leans towards the dramatic.

Gerald's Game is a fantastic portrait of a woman who has dealt with abuse all of her life. Her father abused her, her husband was controlling and harbored dark secrets, and even the dog and The Moonlight Man all want things from her that are great for them, but horrible for her. It's all a way of illustrating that this woman has spent a lifetime of dealing with men who use her, abuse her, and do nothing positive for her, which makes for an interesting subtext to being chained to a bed and at the  mercy of them all... which is a terrifying premise in its own right.

It's a journey of strength and survival, and of a woman's fight to overcome not only her hopeless situation, but the ghosts of her past that have always haunted her.

Carla Gugino was one of the very first Horror Hotties that we featured on this site. Not because she has a prolific amount of Horror titles in her resume, but because she's gorgeous and extremely talented, and we just adore the shit out of her. Her work in Gerald's Game is top-notch, especially when she plays the part of her "free" self; there's just something self-assured and commanding about that part of her, and she balanced the vulnerable, terrified version of her perfectly.

Bruce Greenwood is a veteran character actor who knows his business too. Here, he plays skeevy and intimidating quite well, and was the perfect compliment to Gugino's weak and vulnerable portrayal. If you really want to see an excellent movie that shows the power of his acting, check out the 2014 film Wildlike. It's an absolute hidden gem of a movie.

And let's not forget about Henry Thomas, whose performance here made our fucking skin crawl, and was the most terrifying part of the movie... and that's saying something. I always wonder how actors can play that sort of role, and I give him credit for having the guts to do it at all, let alone doing it so well. Chiara Aurelia was no less brave and fantastic playing young Jessie.

I love the side-story of The Moonlight Man and how it unfolded too. It added a truly eerie vibe to the movie, and made things all the more harrowing.

EVER HEAR OF BACKGAMMON, GERALD?

What's with that dog, man? Someone gives you some Kobe beef, and then you turn around and try to eat them and their dead husband? You don't bite the toe that feeds you!

THIS SON OF A BITCH RIGHT HERE...

Those scenes with Henry Thomas were genuinely the most terrifying part of the movie. I'll never watch E.T. in the same way again!

TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING HEARTLIGHT, HENRY!

Not a ton of gore to be found here, but the bits with the dog and the part at the end made up for the lack of quantity with truly gruesome quality.

SWEET JESUS...

There's no nudity in this one but the movie contains plenty of sexual themes, some of them disturbing as hell.

WE'D PLAY CARLA'S GAME ANY TIME.

Mike Flanagan was born to make compelling, suspenseful movies. Period. The guy's impressive resume has gotten infinitely stronger with Gerald's Game, and given the way that he melded emotional drama with stark Horror in this one, we expect that we'll be hearing his name attached to bigger projects very soon.

This is a great movie that operated on different levels, all of which flow together to make for one harrowing, intense, and emotionally weighty watch.

Don't miss it.

A

Gerald's Game is streaming now on Netflix.

Oh, Carla.

Screener Review: The Ice Cream Truck (2017)

"That poster is awesome, but it's a bit misleading..."

*Thanks to the folks over at October Coast PR for the screener.

The poster for The Ice Cream Truck is all kinds of old school cool. Problem is, the movie itself doesn't deliver anywhere near the slasher-y goodness that the poster promises.

There's no way that I can discuss this movie without spoiling the whole thing, so in the sections below, I'm going to talk about the ending, and what it meant for the movie in general.

If you don't want the movie to be spoiled for you, forget our review and just check it out when you can.

You've been warned.

Mary and her family are moving back to her suburban hometown because they want the simple life. While fetching her morning paper, Mary notices a creepy ice cream truck driver waving at her from the street. Maybe he's delivering some "cool treats" to the lonely housewives of the neighborhood, or maybe he's plotting murder.

WHAT IS HIS END GAME?

Then, some shady looking guy shows up to deliver her furniture, and he gives her the once-over, noticing her wet boob, and walking in on her while she's changing. Maybe he's there to deliver her furniture, or maybe he's planning on giving her a good snuggle struggle instead.

A BUDDING ROMANCE?

The ice cream man starts killing off people in the neighborhood, Mary develops an inappropriate relationship with a local teenage boy, and we're not sure where the delivery guy went, because we were sure that he was going to stick around for some romance.

A suburban nightmare ensues.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HE MISSED THE CONE, AND GOT THE STRAWBERRY SYRUP ALL OVER HIS SHIRT INSTEAD. SLOPPY WORK.

Right off the bat, Megan Freels' sophomore effort felt like an old school slasher flick to us with the way that the credits crawled up the screen to that sharp synth score, and we were sucked in. Deanna Russo made for a likable lead, and Emil Johnsen was suitably creepy as the ice cream truck driver. Jeff Daniel Phillips stole the show as the rapey furniture delivery guy. It was subtly amusing at times, and the kill scenes were decent.

But...

The main issue with the movie is that it plays out as a Horror flick, a commentary on suburban life, and a psychological drama all at once, and never really weaves those aspects together to make it feel coherent. It's well-made for a smaller Indie flick, and it's surely fun enough at times, but it tries to do too many things at once, and thus ends up being a bit of a muddled mess.

If you want to make a Horror flick, make a Horror flick. You can add all the subtext you want about how shady and annoying the suburbs are, and how lonely it can be for a woman to be thrust into a new situation alone, but dammit, deliver on the tension and blood-letting. If not, then drop the Horror bits and just make it a pure drama.

It's really the ending that killed it for me. I know that the movie is supposed to be a takedown of suburban life in general, along with being a profile of a woman and her psychological state, but the whole "it was all in her head" thing is the biggest cop-out there is, and aside from Haute Tension, it's annoying as hell to see a plot device like that negate an entire movie.

Had they played it straight-forward Horror-wise, and kept the subtext that fueled the film to a minimum, it would have been much better for it.

SHE OBVIOUSLY ISN'T A FAN OF BUTTER BRICKLE.

We get some ice cream scooper and knife violence, and some bloody moments throughout.

SHE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH VANILLA.

There's a sex scene, but it's nothing overtly graphic.

NOT PROVOCATIVE ENOUGH.

The Ice Cream Truck isn't a bad movie, and in fact it's a rather enjoyable one for the most part, but it's also one that doesn't really feel like it knows what it wants to be... or maybe they shouldn't have sold it to us like it's a Horror movie, when it's clearly just the daydream of a bored suburban housewife.

Not bad, but frustrating.

C

The Ice Cream Truck hits limited theaters and VOD on August 18th.

I don't know how this is the first time we're seeing Deanna Russo in anything, but good lord does she ever have our attention now.