Netflix Review: Spectral (2016)

"Big, stupid fun."

Alright, maybe "stupid" isn't the right word. Mindless may be better. Mindless like most fun popcorn flicks are, you know?

Shot in 2014, set for release this past August (until Universal got cold feet, for some reason), and then picked up by Netflix to stream on their site under the "Netflix Original" banner, even though it was not produced or created by Netflix, Spectral is finally available for the world to see... as long as you subscribe to Netflix, of course.

Oh, and it's a really fun flick.

In Moldova, a Delta Force Commando is killed by a wisp of smoke that is only visible via special ghost glasses. The creator of those glasses, Dr. Clyne, is sent to Moldova because somehow being the guy who made the ghost glasses is going to help a group of Delta Force badasses win the war, or put down the insurgency, or whatever the hell it is that they're doing there to begin with.

HE'S THE REAL BADASS.

You see, these humanoid wisps of smoke have been killing soldiers on contact, and the sexy CIA operative who wants answers, Madison, thinks that it's some sort of active camouflage, which makes no sense, because who the fuck in a country like Moldova could ever afford something that crazy advanced? Certainly not the Moldovans.

ACTIVE CAMOUFLAGE. RIGHT.

Turns out that someone gave the Moldovans billions to figure out a way to 3D scan people into virtually unbeatable condensate copies of their human hosts, which can't be shot, blown up, and which only need touch someone for like one second to drop them dead. Lucky for the Delta Force lads that Science + America = fuck you, Moldova!

American ass-kicking ensues!

"HEY COMMUNISM, I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!"

For some reason, Spectral reminded me of about a dozen other movies where the story isn't very deep, and the science involved seems conveniently logical (who knows if any of it is plausible), but was slick, visually impressive, and all kinds of stupid fun. Although Spectral isn't a movie I'd call stupid like Battle: Los Angeles, Independence Day, or Battleship.

It just feels like it was cast in that same "Big, Dumb, Summer Movie" kind of mold, is all.

Short on substance it may be, but Spectral is long on visual awesomeness. The ghosts are cool, the guns are cool, the Delta Force guys are badass, and the movie is filled with a few kick-ass scenes that definitely belong in a Jerry Bruckheimer flick.

Imperfect as it is, it's every bit as good as most of them too. 

I love James Badge Dale (The Pacific and Rubicon are must see TV series'), and he makes this movie better by his presence alone. Add Max Martini (Dirt Diver from The Unit, which was also great TV), the sexy-as-hell Emily Mortimer playing a sassy CIA chick, and guys like Clayne Crawford and Bruce Greenwood to the mix, and you have a solid cast dong solid work here.

DON'T MOVE. MAYBE IT WON'T SEE YOU.

Most of the deaths in this one involve little to no blood.

BUT IT'S GOT TANKS!

Nope. This movie does not involve any sexy-time whatsoever.

WE KNOW THOSE FEELS.

Spectral is a fun, slick movie that will entertain the hell out of you for two hours, even if its story is a bit shallow, and it focuses more on style than substance. In that way, it's like a Summer Blockbuster, only with better actors. It could have easily been a theatrical release.

If you've got Netflix, add this one to your queue.

B+

Spectral is streaming on Netflix now.

Emily Mortimer is an underrated Hottie.

Let's watch some Memorial Day horror movies, while showing the love.

While most people tend to act like Memorial Day Weekend is more like "4 Day Weekend in which we BBQ!", we here at THC take it for what it is; a remembrance and celebration of brave and selfless Soldiers who serve and have served in the Military. Some of our very own family and friends are serving now, deployed to far away lands to force democracy on people who don't even speak English. All of us have Parents and Grandparents, or other loved ones who have served, and kicked all kinds of ass. We don't love War, but we do love our Soldiers.

Whether you're American or not, the same thing applies to you too, so let's all honor Soldier's both present and past together, shall we? Let's do it by watching some Military themed horror flicks this weekend. It may seem morbid, but at least this way it's less depressing. We cry fairly easy around here.


There are a few horror flicks that have to do with the modern day conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, even though those conflicts are alive in well in various ways. They usually involve some U.S. troops pissing off a Djinn or some ancient Islamic spirits and paying the price, which I guess is a metaphor of some sort? The Devil's Tomb is the best of them in our book, although Osombie looks pretty interesting... alright, Osombie looks fucking stupid, but it makes us laugh. Plus, who doesn't want to see him killed twice, you know? Most other flicks in this category are decent enough if the modern day war efforts tug at your interest strings.


The real bread and butter of War themed Horror movies involves Nazi's and WWII. There are tons of Nazi horror movies around, most of them involving them coming back as zombies. We have to admit that as awful as the Nazi's were, they do make for good film villains, so we're usually down for these kinds of flicks. The Devil's Rock is one of the better horror flicks we've seen recently, and one of the best Nazi/Occult flicks we've ever seen. It has an genuine WWII feel about it, and is all kinds of effective. Blood Creek is awesome too and extremely unknown/underrated. All I'm saying is Nazi Necromancer and zombie horses... amazing, right? The Keep is a classic, and one of our faves.It's cheesy in spots, but a demon destroying S.S. Soldiers is a thing of beauty. Below is creepy and subtle, and reminds us that all submarines are haunted. All of these flicks are definite must see material.


Nazi ghosts and zombies are always out for revenge. Whether protecting their bunker's, their hidden gold, or trying to return and conquer the world again, they always manage to look cool on screen and evoke this sort of creepy nostalgia... even if some of them are cheesy and full of schlock.


There are also other horror flicks that take place in other wars, and they all deliver their goods and sometimes even some heavy messages. Dog Soldiers, the best werewolf movie ever (according to us), shows that Soldiers can be in danger even during routine training exercises. It's a top notch flick. Pan's Labyrinth shows the effects that WWII had on a little girl in Spain, and does so in a haunting and beautiful manner.  It's a world class film by Guillermo Del Toro. R-Point takes the creepy action to Vietnam and delivers a pretty good ghost story with some fun twists. Deathwatch, the only WWI horror flick we've ever seen, takes place in a trench on the western front, and delivers the evil spirit goods.

So you see, there are plenty of ways for we horror fans to pay homage to the veterans of the world this Memorial Day Weekend, and and do so in a way that's less sad and depressing.

As for the love...

War is what it is. It forever changes the lives of the brave men and women who don the uniform of their homeland and fight for what it is they believe in. Some never return home, while other return shells of their former selves. It embitters some while filling others with a sense of selfless pride.

For those of us who are not, nor have never been soldiers, it is our duty to honor and respect the men and women of the armed forces as best we can. We may not believe in the war that they wage, but it's not about that int he least. Soldiers are some body's parent's, somebody's children. They are brothers and sisters and loved ones. They have shitty jobs to do, and they do them for very little money and almost no praise. They endure horrific things on behalf of those that can not. They protect. They defend. They sacrifice their lives and often times their souls, so that the rest of us may live free and not have to sacrifice our own.

If we see a man or woman in uniform on the street or in a restaurant, we should say thank you. A quick simple word of thanks, a pat on the shoulder, or an "I'm glad you're home" suffices. Send them over a drink and raise your glass with a silent nod of the head. Quietly pick up their lunch tab, and leave them to wonder who it was. Big or small, just do something. With everything that they've seen and endured, a small gesture of genuine love or appreciation goes a hell of a long way.

Just don't call them "Hero" though, because they'll never cop to that. Heroes never do.

31 Days of Creepy Kids, Day 22: Santi (The Devil's Backbone, 2001)

Santi

Another Guillermo Del Toro movie, another creepy Orphanage. Themes of childhood, abandonment, war, and death are very big with our beloved Guillermo, as they tend to be present in most of his work in some way or another. It's all right though, because it all makes for some creepy goodness.

The unexploded bomb gag always impressed me, when watching this movie.

Santi is another ghostly kid, hanging around another Orphanage and creeping another group of kids and adults out. He has a reason for this though, and a fairly benevolent one, but that doesn't make it any less unsettling. Why can't little ghost kids ever just look cute and harmless, you know, like Casper?

"He who sighs."

The drawback to this movie is that the creepy ghost kid isn't evil, but rather sympathetic and helpful. We really wanted him to go on a ghostly murder spree, and use his creep factor to its full potential. Then again, that's not really why you watch a Guillermo Del Toro movie to begin with. That being said, Santi is creepy as all get-out, and his lurking in the shadows and sighing is very unsettling and eerie.

Even ghost kids have dreams....sigh...

We've said it before, and we'll say it again; Guillermo Del Toro is a Master Filmmaker. Sure, his movies can get bogged down in his own sentimentality, but that doesn't make them any less amazing or impactful. He's also got a knack with making kids creepy, even when they truly aren't. This is a great movie, with a great creepy kid, and you should definitely check it out. Maybe watch it back to back with The Orphanage. They'd go well together.

We know you'll get At the Mountains of Madness made one day, Guillermo, we will wait patiently.

31 Days of Creepy Kids, Day 7: Tomas (The Orphanage, 2007)

Guillermo Del Toro produces and directs some amazing movies. He's a big, geeky kid at heart, and he loves him some Horror. El Orfanato is a quiet, creepy, dark little movie dealing once again with Del Toro's ever present theme of childhood tragedy.

It makes you wonder what kind of childhood he had.

It's not so much that Tomas is an evil kid, but with the grain sack and his whole "standing around and staring at you" thing, he was still unsettling. There's not much violence in this movie, unless you count some broken fingers and a leg, or a particularly nasty bus accident, instead it's the atmosphere that provides the terror in The Orphanage. And Tomas provides much of the atmosphere.

Stop staring at me and say something!

Like Del Toro's Pan's Labyrith and The Devil's Backbone, The Oprhanage feels more like a sad childhood fairytale to me, rather than pure Horror. Make no mistake though, the movie does its fair share of creepy business. Tomas does his too.

"I got the key, bitch!"

If you like your Horror movies quiet and subtly scary, then this one is for you. If you like the kids in those movies to wear creepy sacks on their heads, creep around and terrorize people, then The Orphanage is a double bonus. It's worth seeing for the bathroom scene alone.

Run.