VOD Review: Pyewacket (2018)

"Family drama with a supernatural bent."

(aka I Hate My Mom!.)
Release Date: March 23.
Country: Canada.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Adam MacDonald.
Directed by: Adam MacDonald.
Starring: Nicole Munoz, Laurie Holden, Chloe Rose, and Missy Peregrym as the voice of Pyewacket.

A few years back, writer/director Adam MacDonald gave us the really enjoyable killer bear flick, Backcountry, and you can read our review of that little gem, right HERE. Now, he's returned to the Horror fold with a little tale of grief and a goth kid gone matricidal, which only serves to further our belief that they guy knows how to make an effective genre flick.

FYI: According to real-life English lore, Pyewacket is the spirit of a familiar that was bound to serve a witch back in the 1600's, and is described as an imp. Now, going into this movie we thought that Pyewacket was supposed to be a witch, and some reviews out there call the titular character a witch, while others use the word demon to describe the otherworldly spirit, but it's really a familiar, which I guess is neither here nor there, but for some reason I felt the need to clarify.

Don't ask why. Just go with it.

Ever since the death of her father, Leah has gone goth and turned to Death Metal and the occult as a coping method. Conversely, her mother just drinks a lot of wine and cries. Feeling that they need a new start, Mom decides to move them both to a new home way out in the boonies, because the wilderness life will do them both some good.

"OMG MOM, YOU'RE DESTROYING MY LIFE!"

Leah is not happy about this at all, and so her relationship with her mother grows more and more contentious, to the point where she feels that summoning the vengeful spirit Pyewacket to kill the bitch is the only reasonable course of action.

NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS REASONABLE.

Of course it takes Leah about 10 minutes to realize that she's done something horribly stupid, and when odd and creepy things start to happen around their new home, she has to figure out a way to undo what she's done, before Pyewacket takes her mother her too.

MOM IS OBVIOUSLY DRUNK AGAIN.

Pyewacket is a slow-burn of a movie which offers plenty of moody dread throughout, but doles it out in a very subtle way. To me personally, it plays a lot like the excellent The Blackcoat's Daughter (review HERE) did in that regard; they both have mood and atmosphere to spare, and they both pack a pretty good punch at the end. I really like the way that MacDonald avoids the use of cheap jump scares here.

Teen angst plays a large part in the movie and its plot developments, and whereas that trope usually tends to annoy us, it's done very well here thanks to a truly great performance by Nicole Munoz. Sure she's moody, and yeah she's so unreasonable that she goes through an elaborate ritual to summon an otherworldly spirit to kill her mother after an argument, but she never plays it over-the-top or never gets too annoying with things. And Laurie Holden does a killer job as the aforementioned mother, especially towards the end when her character gets downright unsettling.

OH MAN, SOMEONE'S GROUNDED.

There's a bit of ritualistic bloodshed in this one, but it's the horrifying ending that might just make you hurl. Not that it's bloody, but it's... well, you'll see.

THE BLOODSHED.

Not that kind of flick.

WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE HAD A ROMANTIC SUBPLOT?!?

Teenage girls are moody. Also, messing with the occult is never a good idea, especially for moody teenage girls.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

Pyewacket is a movie that creeped us out and kept us involved in its human story at the same time, and gave us an ending that was truly disturbing to behold. A nice little surprise, all told, and one that should be seen by anyone who loves the term "Slow burn."

B+

Pyewacket is available on VOD now.

Nicole, Chloe, and Laurie: the bewitching women of Pyewacket.

Blu-ray Review: Evils of the Night (1985)

"If the tag-line "Full of sex, lasers, synth-pop, feathered hair, bikinis and axe wounds..." doesn't make you want to see this movie, then run away and do not look back."

A bunch of old-ass space vampires need the blood of the young to survive and remain immortal, so they head to Skank Bang Beach to capture and drain some local whores and their dimwit boyfriends of their life essence.

AH, SUMMERTIME.

The sex-starved teens (who look like they're in their 30's), party, swim, lay in the sun, have sex, and are kidnapped by two 90-year-old mechanics who deliver them to the space vampires in a hospital, who are equipped with rings that shoot weak laser rays, just in case their victims try to escape.

There's really all there is to the plot. Honestly, I probably overstated things a bit.

HE'S 120-YEARS-OLD, YOU CAN TAKE HIM!

Make no mistake, Evils of the Night is a bad movie. It's full of hot naked chicks, has tons of sex, and is amusing with its silly plot and even sillier acting, but if you don't like bad movies, then this one will pain you to watch.

It would make for one hell of an MST3K episode, though.

With classic names like Aldo Ray, Neville Brand, Horror legend John Carradine, Julie Newmar (the original Catwoman), and Tina Louise (Ginger from Gilligan's Island) in the cast, you'd figure that this movie was going to be something above b-grade, but no, they were just looking for a paycheck.

That's alright though, because their presence, along with the absurdity of the plot, acting, special effects, and gratuitous sex and nudity, make for one crazy, mixed-up, throwback of a good time.

IF YOU HAD A PENIS IN THE 80'S YOU KNEW WHO AMBER LYNN WAS.

Did anyone else notice that the Blu-ray art/poster shows the Millennium Falcon shooting through space? How Lucasfilm let that one slip by, is a mystery to me. And who did the producers of this movie think they were fooling to begin with?

Also, the "Features some of the most gruesome special effects ever put to film" line that I've seen used in reference to this movie is a straight-up lie. This movie is mostly blood-free, and if anyone says any different, you shouldn't trust the words that come out of their mouths.

THAT FEATHERED HAIR LOL.

Why did so many classic actors and actresses take such shitty roles in shitty movies during the 80's? Don't get me wrong, I'd take the easy paycheck too if I were them, but damn, you've really got to be broke to show up in a clunker like this. Worst of all is that they're all really trying to act in this one. Like giving a genuine effort.

They deserved better.

WHO THAT GUY IN THE MIDDLE IS, WE HAVE NO CLUE.

As cute as G.T. Taylor (who played Connie) was, how is it that she never starred in another movie besides this one? Sure, maybe she went onto something better in her life, but she was so 80's hot that it makes us sad that she went away.

SHE HAD SUCH POTENTIAL...

For a B-grade Horror flick from the 80's that shamelessly went the exploitation route, you'd figure that there would be plenty of gore and violence to be had here, but no. Although and axe and a drill provide some gore, this is a tame movie on that front.

BEHOLD, THE VIOLENCE!

I'm pretty sure that this movie was originally supposed to be some sort of softcore porn flick, because the first 20-minutes of this one is nothing but sex and nudity. Even 80's porn superstars Amber Lynn and Jerry Butler show up to get it on.

THIS IS WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO ON A PUBLIC BEACH.

If you like bad movies, cheesy retro Horror, naked chicks, or Aldo Ray, then this is one disc that you need to own.The movie sucks, but it's definitely one to watch with a few cold beers when you're in the mood for some retro laughs.

Evils of the Night is available on Blu-ray, DVD and VOD now.

This movie is full of Retro Hotties, chief amongst them, the insatiable Amber Lynn.

VOD Review: Wish Upon (2017)

"We wish it would have been better."

The problem with most PG-13 flicks that come out of Hollywood is that they all feel the same: We get a cast of young, good-looking people who wade their way through generic scripts that play to the trends of the time, and the final result usually fails offer little in the way of genuine scares or anything else compelling that might actually make them good.

Well, we got suckered into watching this one, and while it was a slick looking movie that offered some decent kills, it's little more than a safe, generic Hollywood flick that makes a mess of an interesting premise.

Haunted by her mother's suicide, and having to deal with her garbage picking father, poor Clare is a Highschooler who just wants to be popular, have a hot boyfriend, and have a normal family... so luckily for her, her embarrassment of a Dad finds a Chinese music box in a dumpster and gives it to her for her birthday.

THANKS, DAD.

Clare soon discovers that the box grants seven wishes, and so she uses she uses the first one to make the mean girl who picks on her at school, rot. Seeing how effective the box is, she then uses more wishes to gain money, become  popular, and for the hot boy at school to be in love with her.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING STUPID WISHES!

The box also demands that a blood price must be paid for each wish, which means that someone close to Clare has to die every time she uses it... which she does, to wish for the dumbest shit in the world. All the while, her friends and family die horrible deaths, which finally makes her realize that she has to figure out a way to stop the box from killing again!

Maybe just stop wishing. That would stop it.

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? IT'S KILLING YOUR LOVED ONES!

Wish Upon is harmless enough, and it'll probably make for a decent watch for the average teenager who thinks that Annabelle was scary, but it has some issues that make it really hard for us to take it seriously.

So every time the box grants a wish, a blood price must be paid, which means that someone Clare knows has to die. You'd figure that after her dog, her uncle, and the kind neighbor lady (whom she's known since she was little) died in horrific ways after she's made wishes, that she'd stop and think "Hey, maybe this is all connected?" Fine, we know she's in a Horror movie and she doesn't, so we can let that slide... right up until the guy she's crushing on has his cousin try to decipher the writing on the box, which she does, and then dies right after.

And Clare keeps on wishing.

If a magical box grants you a wish, and them someone you know dies, that should probably give you pause. I can accept that the first time it happened, that a young and naive teenager might not catch onto that, but after it happens again, multiple times, you'd have to be really stupid not to think that the wishes and the deaths are connected.

And the wishes she makes are stupid as hell."I want to be popular!", "I wish my Dad wouldn't embarrass me so much!", "I wish a boy would be in love with me!", "I want to be rich!" Fine, she's a teenage girl, and there's a lot of drama that goes along with that, but is that the best she can come up with? 

Shame, all of that, because it's a well-made movie that has a decent cast, and could have been entertaining had they not made it so ridiculous.

MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL WISH FOR WORLD PEACE!

There are a few solid gore gags in this one, even though it's a PG-13 flick.

THE BOX DON'T PLAY.

PG-13 material here. It's kid-friendly.

THIS IS AS SEXY AS IT GETS.

Wish Upon is a fun (at times) movie that makes little sense, in a frustrating way. If you can put aside its plot flaws, and just enjoy it for being the stupid, generic teen terror flick that it is, you may dig it.

Check your brain at the door though.

D+

Wish Upon is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

The lovely victims of the Chinese music/wishing box.