VOD Review: Wish Upon (2017)

"We wish it would have been better."

The problem with most PG-13 flicks that come out of Hollywood is that they all feel the same: We get a cast of young, good-looking people who wade their way through generic scripts that play to the trends of the time, and the final result usually fails offer little in the way of genuine scares or anything else compelling that might actually make them good.

Well, we got suckered into watching this one, and while it was a slick looking movie that offered some decent kills, it's little more than a safe, generic Hollywood flick that makes a mess of an interesting premise.

Haunted by her mother's suicide, and having to deal with her garbage picking father, poor Clare is a Highschooler who just wants to be popular, have a hot boyfriend, and have a normal family... so luckily for her, her embarrassment of a Dad finds a Chinese music box in a dumpster and gives it to her for her birthday.

THANKS, DAD.

Clare soon discovers that the box grants seven wishes, and so she uses she uses the first one to make the mean girl who picks on her at school, rot. Seeing how effective the box is, she then uses more wishes to gain money, become  popular, and for the hot boy at school to be in love with her.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING STUPID WISHES!

The box also demands that a blood price must be paid for each wish, which means that someone close to Clare has to die every time she uses it... which she does, to wish for the dumbest shit in the world. All the while, her friends and family die horrible deaths, which finally makes her realize that she has to figure out a way to stop the box from killing again!

Maybe just stop wishing. That would stop it.

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? IT'S KILLING YOUR LOVED ONES!

Wish Upon is harmless enough, and it'll probably make for a decent watch for the average teenager who thinks that Annabelle was scary, but it has some issues that make it really hard for us to take it seriously.

So every time the box grants a wish, a blood price must be paid, which means that someone Clare knows has to die. You'd figure that after her dog, her uncle, and the kind neighbor lady (whom she's known since she was little) died in horrific ways after she's made wishes, that she'd stop and think "Hey, maybe this is all connected?" Fine, we know she's in a Horror movie and she doesn't, so we can let that slide... right up until the guy she's crushing on has his cousin try to decipher the writing on the box, which she does, and then dies right after.

And Clare keeps on wishing.

If a magical box grants you a wish, and them someone you know dies, that should probably give you pause. I can accept that the first time it happened, that a young and naive teenager might not catch onto that, but after it happens again, multiple times, you'd have to be really stupid not to think that the wishes and the deaths are connected.

And the wishes she makes are stupid as hell."I want to be popular!", "I wish my Dad wouldn't embarrass me so much!", "I wish a boy would be in love with me!", "I want to be rich!" Fine, she's a teenage girl, and there's a lot of drama that goes along with that, but is that the best she can come up with? 

Shame, all of that, because it's a well-made movie that has a decent cast, and could have been entertaining had they not made it so ridiculous.

MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL WISH FOR WORLD PEACE!

There are a few solid gore gags in this one, even though it's a PG-13 flick.

THE BOX DON'T PLAY.

PG-13 material here. It's kid-friendly.

THIS IS AS SEXY AS IT GETS.

Wish Upon is a fun (at times) movie that makes little sense, in a frustrating way. If you can put aside its plot flaws, and just enjoy it for being the stupid, generic teen terror flick that it is, you may dig it.

Check your brain at the door though.

D+

Wish Upon is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

The lovely victims of the Chinese music/wishing box.