April 28, 2008

Review #3: American Psycho (2000)

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

Patrick Bateman, avid 80's music collector, spends his free time educating people on the social implications of the music of such bands as Huey Lewis and the News and Phil Collins. He is also bat-shit nuts, and likes to kill hookers, homeless people, and small kittens. Lucky for him that he lives and kills in the 80's; possibly the most self-indulgent and ignorant decade that we as humans have ever survived.

Huey Lewis & The News... check 'em!
While everyone else is talking about their portfolios and bone colored business cards, Patrick is spreading the message of utter insanity and the benefits of apricot facial scrubs. Hell no he isn't smarmy! He will ask a street hooker to was her vagina only to turn around and ask a high priced call girl to "eat it." If that isn't blurring the socio-economic lines of the class war, I don't know what is.

"Thanks, Obama!"
So he kills all sorts of people, all of them deserving (save for the dumb-as-a-sack-of-hammers model), doing so with a flair unmatched amongst the ranks of serial killers. I wont ruin the ending here, but I will say that it shows us that most people are clueless lemmings and definitely deserve to die. It also gives us a new fondness for 80's pop music.

Apparently, he's a messy eater.
Brilliant from start to finish, American Psycho blends disturbing imagery with a more than fitting social commentary about 80's excess. Christian Bale proves once again, that he is one of the most talented and diverse actors to ever grace the screen.

This movie is perfect for first dates.

Especially if you're planning on killing your date. Very fitting.
Christian Bale's ass. This movie needed more of the ladies getting naked, especially Reese Witherspoon. Also, The Habitrail scene, one of the nastiest scenes in the book, was omitted from the film. Think starved rodent, a Habitrail tube, and a hooker that deserves to be punished. Tell me that wouldn't be twisted and brilliant to see as a deleted scene...

Tube City.
I can't believe he was going to feed the ATM machine a kitten!

That cat will not fit in there!
Gore galore in this one. It's not as nasty and graphic as the book, but American Psycho (the Unrated version, of course), is still pretty disturbing and violent.

She's the one he actually likes.
Hookers having a threesome with Patrick Bateman, and various debutantes having sex... so, yes.

The nudity in this movie was weird.
"Hey Paul!" or "My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."

Who doesn't do that during sex?
80's music has something to say, and in fact, can change the world if only we'd listen closer.

80's songs. Check 'em.
American Psycho is a modern day classic that you must own if you truly love Horror. There's so much at work in the narrative, that you could dissect it for hours, and not even touch but a fraction of it. Also, it's blood and wicked, and full of great moments and lines.

Also, Batman is in it.


American Psycho is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Reese Witherspoon is looking good in this one, though her character was insufferable. Chloe Sevigny too. Let's not forget her.

April 23, 2008

Review #2: 30 Days of Night (2007)

Sub-Genre- Vampires
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

As the town of Barrow, Alaska, prepares for it's annual 30 days without sunlight, a group of Yiddish Vampires descend upon the town and proceed to make it's residents their bitches.

It's up to the town Sheriff (Josh Hartnett) to keep everyone alive, and he does a pretty crap job of it, mainly because the blood suckers are fast, strong, and really not pleasant at all. They also seem to be hungrier than Rosie O'Donnell at a lesbian brunch mixer. It doesn't help that the chick who recently dumped him tags along the whole time either, because she won't let him use his karate skills to help them survive. Women!

Shoot her first, then the vampires.
So basically they spend the bulk of the 30 days hiding, which really exposes them for the cowards they are. I mean , can't a bunch of chicks, a teenage kid, a 90-year-old man, and a burly truck driver, kill 20 or so immortal vampires? Come on!

In the end, only the Sheriff can save them, but does he?

Nope. They're going to hide right there for 29 days, until morning comes.
30 Days of Night is a fun, bloody, and aggressively violent vampire movie, and I really don't see how it won't please most fans of the genre. The atmosphere is right, and the cinematography is clean and crisp... We really loved this one.

Josh Hartnett makes for a great hero, and Mmmelissa George makes for one hot piece of ass. The two of them together? Cinematic gold! The cast is rounded out by some fantastic character actors like Danny Huston (the head vampire, Marlow), Ben Foster (the stranger), and a pre-Sons of Anarchy Mark Boone Junior.

Damn all the critics and their shitty opinions; this is one lean and mean vampire flick. 

One of the creepiest movie kids ever.
I can see how some people may take issue with the vampires in this one differing a bit from the traditional vampire mold, but it's not a huge issue. Vampires don't always have to be exactly the same; they can be governed by different rules and still be effective.

The end was a bit of a "Huh?" moment as well.

We thought they were pretty cool.
I didn't know that vampires spoke Yiddish.

"No God."
The blood flows freely in this one, and there are a liberal amount of gory scenes throughout. 30 Days of Night definitely earns its R-Rating.

We almost got to see a threesome in this one, but I guess that it's just too cold in Alaska to get naked.

Those lips...
Vampires always ruin threesomes. Also, they don't believe in God. Sinners!

I'm not going to call them sinners though. Not to their faces.
30 Days of Night is a solid entry to the vampire sub-genre, and it's one of the better vampire flicks we've seen in a while. It's a definite own for us, and should be for most Horror fans as well.


30 Days of Night is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Mmmelissa George gives us 30 days of boners.

Review #1: 28 Days Later (2002)

So we have officially kicked off the club with our first night of Horror DVD watching. Here begin the reviews!

Sub-Genre- Post-Apocalyptic Monkey Zombie Mania!
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, so bear with us folks.)

A bunch of hippie animal liberation assholes break into a research lab to free a bunch of captive chimps, because that seems like a rational, responsible thing to do. These chimps are really angry after being experimented on for so long, and so they bite their would-be rescuers, infecting them with their anger. Within seconds, the hippies are angry too, and so they bite some other people, and pretty soon the entirety of the United Kingdom is pissed off and red-eyed too, and the country becomes populated by "Sort-of Zombies."

Jim (Cillian Murphy), wakes up from a coma, unaware that all of this has happened, and we see his penis. He sets off in search of Bangers and Mash, but finds only deserted streets and angry "Sort-of Zombies" that apparently hate him and would like to smack him in the mouth. 

Not him though. He's not pissed at all.
He meets a hot black chick named Selena, and vows to take up breakdancing to win her heart. Along the way, they meet up with a few other survivors, and they all end up finding the Army, who turn out to be extremely unpleasant, and not all that helpful.

After Jim's first attempt at breakdancing, Selena could do nothing but smirk.
Will Jim and Selena survive the onslaught of enraged Sort-of Zombies? What about Frank and Hannah? Will the Army help them, or will they just try to rape everyone instead? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but suffice it to say that The UK is probably not the best place to be during a world-ending viral outbreak

Oh let him in. It's raining!
An overall effective movie, 28 Days Later makes you feel despair from the word go, and doesn't let up on you until the end. The washed-out look of it all inspires dread, and the music adds to the atmosphere up quite well. Danny Boyle is a good egg.

There are a few great scares to be had here, and the general unease that the movie achieves should keep you creeped out for the entire runtime. Cillian Murphy and Brendan Gleeson are great in this one.

Not helpful at all.
Cillian Murphy's penis and ass.

Also, for people who are terrified and desperately trying to sneak around and avoid the savage infected at any cost, they sure talked/yelled really loud.

Then again, why be quiet? They have guns.
Cillian Murphy's penis and ass.

Why, Cillian, why?!?
Infected people are beaten to death, chopped with machetes, shot...  not to mention the eye gouging, and biting. There are also lots of infected people vomiting and spewing blood in this one. This movie is plenty gory & violent.

Aside from Cillian Murphy baring all, we also get a few infected women running around topless, but it's all kind of gross.

"Did you just call me a batty boy, mate?"
Never trust angry monkeys. Also, hippies cause more problems than they solve.

Ain't that the truth.
Intense, creepy, bloody, and violent, 28 Days Later is one fun Infected/Zombie flick. It's a solid buy, or at the very least, a rent. You won't be wasting time with this one, so give it a shot.


28 Days Later is now available on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Naomie Harris, and a now grown-up Megan Burns.