Theatrical Review: Maggie (2015)

(aka Where's the Kleenex?)
Release Date: May 8th.
Country: USA.
Rating: PG-13.
Written by: Henry Hobson. 
Directed by: John Scott III.
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Abigail Breslin, and Joely Richardson.

After seeing Maggie on Friday night, I came home to write up the review... and couldn't do it. Maggie had drained me of my energy, and no matter how hard I tried, the words just weren't coming. In that way, creativity sucks; when it's working, it flows like a waterfall, but when it isn't, it's like looking for a drink of water in the middle of a desert. It's just not there. Especially when you've had the life sucked out of you by a heartbreaking movie like this one! I'm only human, after all! Gah!

Ahem. All of that is to say that while Maggie is a great movie, it will most likely leave you feeling drained too. So prepare yourselves.

A deadly virus sweeps across the nation, turning a portion of the population into flesh-hungry zombies (call them "Infected" if it makes you feel better, but they're basically zombies.) At least humanity is on top of the outbreak, which keeps the world from devolving into a Walking Dead-like scenario; The Government has set up Quarantine Zones to house the infected, to keep them from infecting others and possibly ending humanity.

SOON.

Once you're infected, you begin to "turn" slowly; you lose your appetite, your eyes turn milky white, and you start to smell people, which effectively means that you're hungry again... only this time, you're hungry for Human flesh. So once you get close to the point of turning, local authorities come and take you away, and that's pretty much it. No one ever sees you again. It's a lot like extraordinary rendition.

YEP, SHE'S READY TO GO.

After becoming infected, 16-year-old Maggie runs off to the city, asking her Father not to come looking for her. She just wants to keep her family safe from what she knows she'll become. Her Father, Wade, can't just give up on his baby girl though, no matter how bad he knows that things are going to get. He goes looking for her, finds her at a hospital, and then essentially takes her home to die. If she's going to die, she's going to die at home, not in some inhumane quarantine zone.

Heartbreak ensues.

NO! ARNOLD DOES NOT CRY!

If you go into this one thinking that it's going to be any sort of normal Infected/Zombie movie, or that you're going to see Arnold dispatch hordes of the undead with his brawn, and cracking wise while he does so, then you're going to be disappointed. Maggie is basically the story of a father coming to terms with the fact that his daughter is dying, and of a young girl trying to come to terms with the fact that her life is ending horribly, and way too soon.

This isn't a movie of plot twists, and its not one of big action scenes. This is a movie about loss, and letting go. It's a drama, surrounded by some Horror elements, the most horrific of which ends up being heartbreak. This is the type of movie where you have a box of Kleenex handy, because if you're at all emotional, you're going to need them. More than likely, you'll need them a few times.

YEAH, HE KILLS HER IN THE MOVIE.

Maggie is quiet and haunting, and even a bit depressing. From the fantastic (and crazy effective) score, to the beautiful cinematography, there's a somber tone about this movie that makes it feel weighty, in a very real way. Some will call it a slow burn, which is fair, because the story unfolds slowly, and it's not ever in a rush to get anywhere... but you basically know where it's going to end, so really, Maggie is far more about the journey than it is the destination. There will also be people who say that nothing happens in this movie, to which I say, bullshit. Than again, anyone who says something like that probably has the attention span of a gnat to begin with, so that's their problem to navigate, not ours.

The real revelation here though, is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everybody knows him, and everybody loves at least one or two of his movies, as he's one of the biggest action stars that has ever been, or ever will be. Here though, he goes to a place that I honestly can't recall him ever having gone to before; Arnold is humble in this one. Fragile. Broken. The guy made us feel things that we weren't expecting to feel, and the fact that he's an icon of Alpha Male toughness probably made it that much more impactful. We honestly never imagined him giving a performance like this, but we're endlessly glad that he did.

Abigail Breslin is great in this one too, but that's pretty much par for the course for her. She gets better with every new role she takes, and it's nice to see her go from being a cute kid star, to being a solid adult actress.

THIS PICTURE IS AN EXCELLENT METAPHOR FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

I'm not sure how many theaters Maggie opened in, but it deserved a wider release. It's only playing at one theater near us, where It Follows was in at least six... and Maggie is every bit as good as It Follows was, albeit in a completely different way. Add to that the star power of names like Schwarzenegger and  Abigail Breslin (she has a solid fanbase herself), and you''d think that this movie would have at least warranted a Wide Release, even if it was only a smaller one.

WASN'T HE SUPPOSED TO LOCK HER IN HER ROOM?

This may be the most depressing movie that we've seen all year, and maybe even last year too.

THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH US AFTER THE MOVIE.

Some rotting flesh, a chopped off finger, a dead fox, and some blood laying around here and there, but this one is fairly light on the gore for the most part.

SO SHE'S A MESSY EATER, STOP STARING AT HER!

It's not that kind of movie.

Love might not conquer all, but it certainly does make everything better. At least for a while, it does.

YOU REALLY SHOULD JUST SNAP HER NECK BEFORE SHE EATS YOU.

Maggie is a very surprising film. It's got some interesting Horror elements about it, and even a touch of Post Apocalyptic mayhem thrown in for good measure, but at it's heart, this is a love story between a father and his daughter. Whatever you want to classify it as, it's effective and heartfelt, and it made an actor who has been doing his thing for nearly 40 years, feel like a complete revelation.

So is Maggie an A- or a B+? Both grades feel right to us, and we can't decide between them. In the end though, what really matters is that this is a great movie that begs to be seen, and you should see it.

Bring the Kleenex though. We weren't kidding about that part.

Maggie is available in Limited Theatrical release, and on VOD, now.

Little Miss Sunshine is all grown up. Good for her.

VOD Review: Under the Skin (2014)

After seeing Enemy earlier this year, we were pretty sure that there wouldn't be another genre movie in 2014 that was as odd, artistic, bewildering, and engaging as it was.

Having now seen Under the Skin, we can say with confidence that it would be perfect as a double feature with Enemy. Not on acid though. The human brain could not handle those movies on acid.

This is a really, really different kind of movie. It's so different in fact, that we almost feel like it was more of an experiment than it was a fictional film. In some ways, it was.

We liked Under the Skin for what it was, and for what it did, but there are going to be a lot of people who do not like this movie, and we completely understand why.

Oh yeah, and Scarlett Johansson is naked in this one. Like, fully.

It's really difficult to break down the plot of this movie, mainly because its narrative isn't exactly linear, but also because it would be too spoilery to do so.

Scarlett Johansson's nameless character drives around Scotland, picking up men and luring them back to her lair (which has a liquid floor), where they are basically turned into food. Along the way, she encounters some nice guys, some average guys, some dickheads, a baby, a dude with neurofibromatosis, a gang of chavs, cake, and a cabin in the woods.

The movie ends with its title being explained in the middle of a beautiful snowfall.

Maneater.

I don't honestly know how to best describe this movie to those of you who have yet to see it. If we were sitting at a table together and I was charged with dong this verbally, I imagine there would be long instances of silence that ended with me saying something to the effect of "I don't know, man, you just have to see it."

It's a quiet movie. It's an eerie movie. It's surreal and it's nuanced. It's gorgeous too look at; from the Scottish locations to the way shots are blocked, Under the Skin really is visually stunning. It's a bit sexy, but most of the sexiness is killed by the dreary and even creepy atmosphere of the whole thing.

Under the Skin is many things, but most if all it is different.

Gorgeous and relaxing.

Many of the movie's scenes and performances were real. For instance, all of the men who approached Scarlett in her van were real people, unawares that they were being filmed or involved in a movie in any way. The nightclub scene was all filmed via hidden camera, as was the scene where Scarlett's character fell in the street, and people were helping her up.

Finding all of this this out after seeing the movie definitely gave it another layer of coolness in our eyes, because we had no clue while watching. No wonder it felt so real and authentic, because in many places, it actually was.

Google "Scarlett Johansson falling," click on the images tab, and enjoy the laughs.

Scarlett Johansson was great in this movie, playing things about as minimalistic as an actor can. Most of her acting involved physicality as opposed to words, and she carried her scenes off really well. It was Adam Pearson though who was the true revelation in this one. The first time actor suffers from neurofibromatosis, which leaves his face noticeably malformed/deformed, and in all honesty, it looks as if he's wearing a mask. *I include this info because I truly think that many people who see this movie will believe it to be a prosthetic, and it isn't.

I thought it was both fantastic that he was cast for a role in this movie, and that his scene with Scarlett was mostly improvised. Good for him, and hopefully he sees more good fortune coming his way in the future as a result of his work in this film.

The mysterious Motorcycle Boy.

The music in the movie deserves mention, as it is really unsettling, reminding us of 70's Horror movie scores that we're heavy on strings and shrill crescendos. As it is in most films, the music here is a character of its own, and it adds a special level of depth to the proceedings. We're pretty sure that the score allowed us to enjoy the movie more than we would have with different music. It was that impressive.

Overall, Under the Skin made for one unique experience. So if unique is your thing, then you're in luck.

Scarlett, don't just stare at it. Eat it.

It's fair to say that not much happens in this movie. Of course things happen, but none of it really leads anywhere, or serves much of a purpose other than to give us a glimpse into the routines of two "people" going about their nasty business over the course of a few days.

We enjoyed this movie on an artistic level, but as far as it having a compelling story to go along with the gorgeous visuals, chilling score, and hazy atmosphere, it just doesn't deliver all that much.

Being that Under the Skin is based on a novel, I suppose we could go and read it to discover the answers that the movie never gave us, but we shouldn't have to, should we? 

What in the hell is going on here?

The most disturbing scene in the whole movie may be where Scarlett Johansson's character is on a rocky beach, where she proceeds to bash a guy's head in with a rock, right in front of a crying toddler. Then, she leaves the kid sitting alone on the beach, screaming its head off. Later that night, her partner returns to the beach where the baby is still terrified and screaming bloody murder, and you start thinking "maybe they are going to help the kid after all!" but no, the guy grabs something else that had been left behind, and leaves the kids there... alone, at night, on a bunch of rocks, terrified and vulnerable.

Who does that to an innocent little baby!

It's safe to say that he is floored by Scarlett's beauty. Zing!

People are sucked out of their skin, their skin left floating around in liquid; people are liquefied and turned into food; people are bashed in the heads with rocks; skin is peeled; there's an attempted rape... Under the Skin is not very gory, but it is fairly disturbing with its content..

What is this I don't even.

At long last we get to see Scarlett Johansson naked. We have to admit, that it wasn't quite as titillating as we had imagined it would be, but then again, isn't that usually the case? Also, there are a lot of Scottish penis' in this movie.

The lesbian scene that never was.

Scarlett Johansson is actually a good actress. Also, the book is always better.

"The Spirit was complete shite, love. You know it was."

This movie is not going to be for everyone. Hell, it might not even be for most people, but in a way, we found it to be mostly for us. Would we watch this one again? Maybe. Probably. I don't know, maybe it's nothing we'd clamor to see again, but we're still glad that we got to experience it at last once, because an experience is exactly what Under the Skin is.

If you're looking for something quiet, odd, beautiful, and a bit disturbing in an offbeat way, then you should give this one a rent. *We'd definitely recommend that you rent it before buying it on Blu-ray or DVD though.

B+

Under the Skin is available now on VOD, and will hit Blu-ray & DVD on July 15th.

Scarlett Johansson has yet to lower herself to star in a Horror movie (most likely because she thinks she's too good for our favorite genre), so we will gladly take this chance to show off her sexy gorgeousness. *That may not actually be a word, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't mean something!