VOD Review: Midnighters (2017)

"A character-driven neo-noir that packs a twisty punch."

We love us a thrilling neo-noir, and ever since Starry Eyes (review HERE) we love us some Alex Essoe too. So the idea of Midnighters offering us both in one movie was just too good to resist.

We're not going to reveal too much about the plot below, because this is a movie that has some twists and reveals, and to do so would kinda kill the vibe of the whole thing, but I will say that Midnighters makes for a fun ride through noir country, even if there are a few bumps in the road along the way.

On the way home from a New Years Eve party, Jeff tries to get a little frisky with his wife Lindsey, taking his eyes from the road for just a few seconds, which ends with him hitting some poor sap walking down the middle of the road. Given that they're both drunk, they decide to take the body home, wait a few hours until they're sober, then report the tragic accident to the police.

YUPPIE PROBLEMS.

Of course that plan goes to hell for a number of reasons, which we wont go into here, because that would spoil the way the movie unfolds its mysteries and reveals, but suffice it to say that things get complicated due to marital issues, money, Lindsey's little sister showing up out of nowhere, and a creepy dude who knows too much about all of them.

WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YOU?

Midnighters is one of those movies that showcase people making really stupid decisions that lead to disastrous results, which is typically the kind of movie that we hate. Accidentally killing someone and hiding the body instead of calling the police never seems like it's going to end well, and that type of plot line usually ends up making for a frustrating movie-watching experience for us.

With Midnighters though, director Julius Ramsay and screenwriter brother Alston have taken that trope, and made it fresh. It's still frustrating in general, but the fact that the danger that is closing in around the couple is one that would have still been present whether they made a bad decision or not, basically kills the whole "You should have called the cops!" argument. It also takes the movie in a twisty direction that we weren't expecting.

The movie has strong pace that keeps some of those frustrating moments from dragging it down, and the cast all turns in solid performances which make the whole thing even more compelling. Alex Essoe has been doing solid genre work for years now, and she continues her streak of quality work in quality films in this one. The real surprise for us was Perla Haney-Jardine who played troubled little sister Hannah; she played B.B. in Kill Bill Volume 2, and it looks like she's all grown up now, as have her acting abilities. They both stole the show in this one.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN TIED UP AND TERRORIZED.

There are some genuinely uncomfortable moments of torture in this one, but it's not an overtly-bloody movie.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PROPERLY HOLD A KNIFE.

Not that kind of flick.

THIS TRICKY BITCH RIGHT HERE...

Relationships are tough. Also, always call the Cops. Always!

WILL THEIR LOVE ENDURE?

Midnighters is a tense, effective thriller that may have you calling the characters dumbasses at times, but redeems their foolish actions by wrapping them in a story that you just can't help but get caught up in.

If you like a good neo-noir anchored by a solid cast, then give this one a go.

B

Midnighters is available now on VOD.

Alex Essoe and Perla Haney-Jardine.

VOD Review: M.F.A. (2017)

"A pretty timely movie."

Recently, Hollywood mega mogul Harvey Weinstein has been revealed as being a creep. Anyone who knows the movie industry knows that he's a massive power broker who has no issue blackballing anyone who doesn't kiss his ass.

What the word at large didn't know, but was something that was whispered about in dark corners for decades, is that Harvey likes to force himself on pretty, young girls. No less that 50 actresses and models have come forward to tell their story about how Harvey either raped them, tried his best to have sex with them, or was downright inappropriate with them.

Now, making a pass at someone isn't tantamount to sexual assault. A guy tries, the girl says piss off, the guy pisses off. A guy in Weinstein's position though uses his power and privilege to attempt to force women into whatever acts he wants, and if they refuse, they're ostracized and have their careers suffer, all because they said no. Now that's something monstrous.

Rape is rape, but an unwanted sexual advance is damaging in its own way, especially when you lose your lively hood if you fail to comply. I'll never understand how any guy lives by the "Oh, she wants it!" credo, but seriously, losers, if a girl isn't interested, move on and find one who is.

As I said above, M.F.A. is a timely movie that pulls no punches in its examination of rape culture, and it's definitely an uncomfortable and disturbing watch.

Noelle is a Fine Arts student, working on her M.F.A. degree. Her work is a bit pedestrian, as her vapid classmates are quick to point out, and she's trying to find her voice. When a cute guy from her class invites her to a party, she thinks "Hey, I could use some positive energy right now", but alas, he's revealed for the scumbag as he is when he rapes her.

THAT POOR GIRL.

Noelle is justifiably traumatized by the event, and she finds no help from anyone. Her shrink is an unsupportive asshole, the woman's group she joins is more interested in talking about stupid shit than trying to heal, and even her best friend tells her to keep quiet, because it will ruin her life if she tells anyone. When she goes back to confront her rapist, she accidentally kills him, which at least was something positive.

SEE, SHE'S HAPPIER.

Noelle looks into other "alleged" rapes on campus only to discover that many of the accused are still students there, leading normal lives, despite what they did to the women of the school. It doesn't take long before she decides to rid the world of the monsters who get away with such heinous crimes, and begins to leaves a trail of bodies that everyone notices.

And her art is getting better.

PINK SUITS HER WELL.

Rape is a horrible act that leaves broken and damaged victims in its wake. M.F.A. takes an unflinching look at how one of those victims decides to do something about it, and spirals out of control into vehicle of vengeance. Sure, the guys who did such horrible things deserve it, but Noelle's actions leave other innocent victims in the wake of her vengeance, which begs the question: When is enough, enough?

As well-made as M.F.A. is, it's a rough, stark movie to behold, and its bound to upset plenty of viewers, so be warned.

Francesca Eastwood is subtly powerful in her role as victim turned killer, and she oozes rage in a very convincing way. She's got some talent (her daddy is Dirty Harry, after all), and she owns the screen in this one.

If the movies drops the ball in any way, it's in the way that it handles is secondary characters. The always awesome Clifton Collins Jr. isn't given enough to do as the detective who is hot on Noelle's trail, and even the nice guy who Noelle is drawn to seems little more than a caricature.

Some hammer violence, vomit death, strangulation, and scissor violence,some of it quite nasty.

PRAYING WON'T HELP.

A naked penis, and Francesca Eastwood paints in the nude.

SEXY KILLER.

"The world's already blind."

WHEN YOU STARE INTO THE ABYSSS...

M.F.A. is a very uncomfortable movie to watch. It's a bold one, and it's certainly shocking, but it's also very timely in its message, which is essentially there needs to be a price that men who treat women like playthings have to pay. It's also a meditation on how revenge leads someone down a dark path, and maybe destroys them even more...

It's a hard subject to tackle, but it's done pretty well here.

B-

M.F.A. is available now on VOD.

We feature a lot of gorgeous women in various stages of undress on this site, and quite simply, it's because the fairer sex is a stunning thing to behold. If a woman wants to look sexy, we will always be there to gawk at them like half-witted cretins... but we all have mothers, sisters, and daughters, and we know that our visual pleasure does not take precedence over the fact that women are defined by more than the curve of their breast or the angle of their faces.

While we may enjoy the physical beauty of a woman, what's behind their eyes matters to us too.

It just felt appropriate after watching this movie to say that.

All of that said, Francesca Eastwood is so hot that it makes me wish I was gay, just so that she could turn me straight.

Shudder Review: Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl (2017)

"This movie could have been directed by Oz Perkins."

When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I thought it was going to be a vampire flick. Don't ask me why, but it just felt like the old vampire flicks from the 70's where two girls did a bunch of lesbian stuff and preyed upon the locals. That was a big sub-genre back then, and it was an oddly effective one, in its way.

After having seen Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl though, I'd have to say that it played more like Oz Perkins' I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, mixed with Let's Scare Jessica to Death, with a bit of Ti West's The House of the Devil thrown in for good measure.

Then again it was its own thing altogether. And it was pretty damned captivating. 

Adele is a sweet (sweet) and lonely girl who is sent to take care of her agoraphobic Aunt in a sleepy New England town. Aunt Dora won't leave her room to the point where she slides notes under the door to communicate with her niece, and so Adele is basically all alone in the big, dreary house, and she feels a bit trapped by it all.

AT LEAST SHE'S GOT HER MUSIC TO... NAH, SHE'S DEPRESSED.

Enter Beth: a sexy, mysterious bad girl who looks like she's up to no good, which apparently, she's not. She and Adele become quick friends, and it's not long before our sweet, sweet lonely girl is is under her spell... but what kind of spell is it, exactly?

ONE THAT INVOLVES KISSING.

Far be it from us to spoil what happens next for you here, but suffice it to say that we're still not exactly sure, and we re-watched the ending twice. 

CREEPY, CREEPY DIRTY GIRL.

The quiet and foreboding atmosphere that permeated Sweet Sweet Lonely Girl kept us glued to the screen the entire time. That's saying something too, because the movie is definitely a deliberately-paced slow burn that we could argue doesn't really do much throughout most of it's 80-minute runtime... but then we'd be painting the wrong picture for you.

Sure, there isn't much action to be had until the end, and even then that action is very un-action like (and a bit confusing), but this is a character study of a young girl who is stuck in a bad place and looking for something to wake her up from her boring life, and in that respect, it succeeds wildly.

It's also a gorgeous film to behold, with meticulously crafted shots that belie its small budget. And for a movie that doesn't really get to the Horror until late in its runtime, it's suitably uneasy and creepy.

Erin Wilhelmi proves up to the task of carrying the movie on her shoulders, giving an impressively subdued performance as the titular character. She really does come off as sweet and vulnerable, just as Quinn Shephard plays darkly mysterious quite well.

"PEEK-A-BOO!"

***BEWARE SPOILERS!***

So is it basically about a lesbian ghost who seduces young, naive girls and steals their... I don't know, life force? Maybe so. And how did that figurine play into things? Did it hold an angry spirit that escaped when it was broken? And did the Aunt know the fate that awaited her sweet, sweet lonely niece?

WTF was going on in this movie?

OH LOOK, IT'S NOT BROKEN AFTER ALL...

Pretty dry on the blood front.

THIS IS AS BLOODY AS IT GETS.

Some girl-on-girl kissing, and a sex scene, but nothing too salacious.

AND IT HAD SUCH POTENTIAL...

As slow and "uneventful" as it may be, Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl is a beautiful, eerie flick that makes the most of its sparse story, and it kept us hanging on until the end.I can see how a lot of people would call this one boring, but if you're like us and you're a suckers for a solid story and captivating visuals, then you may well dig this one.

Like I mentioned above, it plays a lot like I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, so rent accordingly.

B-

Sweet Sweet Lonely Girl is available now on VOD, and streaming for free on Shudder.

Perks of Being a Wallflower. That's where we've seen Erin Wilhelmi before. Also, Quinn Shephard is sassy.