VOD Review: Here Alone (2017)

"Drama at the end of the world."

As Post-Apocalyptic infected/zombie flicks go, Here Alone is far more like 28 Days Later than it is anything that Romero ever created. 28 Days Later by way of The Walking Dead with less action and more interpersonal drama, to be exact. 

It's a slow movie, and as compelling as it may be, it might just be too slow for most people wanting an exciting infected zombie fix. 

The good news is though that with a premise that is way too overly-familiar by now, Here Alone offers a lot of substance that many of its peers lack, which makes it worthwhile.

Ann is an emotionally damaged woman living in a Post Apocalyptic world. After an airborne infection decimated the world's population, turning most people into hungry zombies, she lives alone in the woods of upstate New York, where she forages for food and does her best to survive.

SHE LOOKS LIKE MAGGIE FROM TWD IN THIS PIC.

When she comes across a guy and his step-daughter in need of help (the first people she's seen in nearly a year), she doesn't shoot them in the head and go on surviving like any rational person would do, no, she talks to them, and invites them back to her campsite. It's almost like she's never seen a Horror movie in her life!

AWKWARD.

Ann and her new "forest mates" grow to be uneasy allies in a world-gone-infected, and as they argue whether to head north to a "safe zone" or to stay put, things go from bad to worse, mainly because the step-daughter is an asshole.

YOU SHOULD HAVE CAPPED THEM BOTH AND MOVED ON.

Here Alone is a quiet movie that gave us a compelling (if way too familiar) story and some believable characters, and painted a realistic picture of what surviving in an "infected" world might just be like. Lucy Walters, who we know from her role on Power, anchors the movie with her performance, and never once did it feel like she wasn't up to the task.

The first 20-minutes of the movie has almost no dialogue, and is just Lucy Walters traipsing around the woods alone in survival mode, and never once did it feel odd or make us itch for something to happen. Both she and the situation felt real to us, and that right there is what many genre flicks never seem to get right.

The sad part about this movie though is that it's going to leave some Horror fans who love a good Post-Apocalyptic zombie flick wanting, as it's fairly light on bloody zombie action. At its heart, Here Alone is a story about survival and loss, and a stripped-down one at that. It's a movie about relationships, and how even at the end of the world mistrust and jealousy can have dire consequences.

That's not to say that it's not intense or scary at times, because it is. That stuff is just downplayed in favor of interpersonal drama is all. 

It's also a rather somber movie, as we learn what happened to Ann's husband and baby via flashbacks throughout the movie. Seeing as you know she's alone at the beginning, you also know that those flashbacks are going to cover some traumatic and heartbreaking ground. 

We had no issue with the movie's minimalist approach and quieter tone, and in fact we really liked it, but the ending irked the shit out of me. I get why it ended that way, and it makes sense from Ann's standpoint, but what the hell, Ann?

POOR ANN...

There's some bloodshed here and there, mostly towards the end, but it's very light on zombie action.

THEY DO LOOK COOL WHEN YOU SEE THEM THOUGH.

Lucy Walters bares it all, and there's a brief love scene.

SHE'S BEEN FLOATING IN A LAKE FOR A YEAR?

The biggest threat in a Post-Apocalyptic world is a moody teenager.

UGH.

Showing a different, more realistic side of survival after a "zombie" apocalypse, we really liked the hushed, personal way that Here Alone told its story. Lucy Walters aced her role, and despite the fact that the story moved a bit slow overall, the tone it set was effective and pushed us to the edge of our seats a few times.

It's definitely worth a rental if you like Horror flicks that have a somber tone about them.

B+

Here Alone is available now on VOD.

We wouldn't mind being stuck at the end of the world with Lucy Walters. Girl can survive, and she's fiery hot.

Blu-ray Review: We Are the Flesh (2017)

"What in the Hell Just Happened?"

I'm honestly not sure how to even discuss this movie.

We Are the Flesh isn't a movie that you can really review in a traditional way, as it's not even really a traditional movie; it plays more like a surreal, abstract fever dream that offers equal doses of social commentary and exploitation. People are going to take away different things after watching it, and they're going to love it and hate it in equal measure.

I recently watched a German flick called Wetlands (it's on Netflix, if you're interested), and I was shocked at how fucked up and graphic it was. Well, We Are the Flesh may have just upped the ante in the WTF Sub-Genre.

The world has ended, becoming a filthy barrio in which people scrounge to survive. Mariano is an old, creepy man who spends his time in an abandoned building, making LSD out of chicken and banging a drum, so he's making the most out of the apocalypse. He's just lonely is all.

EL DIABLO?

A brother and sister (Lucio and Fauna) find their way into his makeshift home, where they seek shelter from the world outside. Mariano greets them with insane rantings, eggs, and poisoned meat. He also jerks off as the sister gives her bro a blowie, which leads to them doing some hardcore incestuous aardvarking, which leads the old man to dropping dead as he delivers the money shot, which leads Fauna to mount his dead corpse and ride him to orgasm, because she really misses him after only knowing him for a few days. Then she pees in the hallway.

And from there, things get even crazier and weird, to the point where I'm not sure what even happened.

It sure was something to see though.

KIDS TODAY!

This is a really weird movie.

We get a crazy old man who seems to be some sort of Post-Apocalyptic messiah, making drugs from chicken parts and chemicals; banging a snare drum like a maniac; and forcing a brother and sister to do all sorts of deplorable things while preaching all kinds of insane mumbo jumbo about the evils of society and the pleasures of the flesh, the pinnacle of which has to be the scene where he jerks off while watching the two of them have sex.

I'm pretty sure that the character exists to provide, we, the audience, with some scathing commentary about the social injustices of modern day life in Mexico.

IT'S A VISUALLY BOLD MOVIE.

The sister, played by the beautiful and very brave Maria Evoli, swallows her brother's pork sword in full, graphic view; stands above him and drips menstrual blood on his mouth; pees on the floor while chanting; forces a girl into having the creepiest threesome ever with she and her brother; and has sex with a corpse.

I'm pretty sure that her character was meant to show how easily young people are lead astray, or maybe how they have no morals and are destroying themselves with excess or something.

ARE THERE NO BATHROOMS IN MEXICO?

The bottom line is that this movie is surreal, sexually graphic, odd, nonsensical, disturbing on many levels, and possibly even brilliant. Then again, it may be self-indulgent trash. Either way, it's like nothing we've seen before, and anyone who watches it is bound to have a strong opinion on the matter.

And the ending -and I mean the very end, after the homeless gang bang (that's called a Soup Kitchen here in the U.S.)- well it puts a whole new spin on the entire thing.

LUCIO GENTLY WEEPS INSIDE OF THE GIGANTIC NEON VAGINA

Lots of blood in this one, including, but not limited to: throat slitting, cannibalism, and a severed head.

EASY, CONYO, YOU'RE ABOUT TO SERVE THE GREATER GOOD.

Everyone in this movie got naked, and they show everything in full graphic detail, including close-ups of private parts, oral sex, masturbation, lesbian sex, group sex, necrophilia,incest, and even a gang-bang.

FAMILIA POR SIEMPRE.

We Are the Flesh is either the most pretentious excuse to cram a movie full of gratuitous sex and violence ever, or it may be a work of genius that deconstructs the current state of Mexican society in a wildly visceral way, and I honestly don't know which one it is.

This is a stark and graphic movie, and it was interesting to see something so shocking and artistic, I just don't know if it was much else other than shocking. It sure hasn't left my mind in two days though, so that's saying something. I guess our middle-of-the-road grade directly reflects our indecision. 

If you like messed up, graphic movies that "go there," then this might be the best Blu-ray you've ever come across. We give it a

Maybe don't bring it to family movie night though.

C

We Are the Flesh is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

Maria Evoli is as brave as she is beautiful.

VOD Review: The Girl With All the Gifts (2017)

"A nice departure from the infected norm."

Based on the novel by Mike Carey (which was a pretty good read, by the way), The Girl With All the Gifts is an adaptation that ends up being better than most. That probably has to do with the fact that the screenplay was written by the book's author, which allowed for a certain level of care in the translation.

For those who have read the book, there are changes from book to screen, as there usually are, most notably certain deaths, and the omission of the "junkers" from the story. The ending "holy shit" ending stays faithful though.

Overall, fans of the book should be pleased with this adaptation.

The world has fallen victim to a nasty fungal virus that has left most of its population a mass of rabid zombies, affectionately called "Hungries." In a remote outpost populated by soldiers and scientists, humanity's only hope may lie in the hands of a teacher, Ms. Justineau, who is tasked with teaching a group of second generation "hungry" children who still retain much of their humanity despite their hunger for flesh. But teaching them what, that's the question.

MATH, MAYBE?

These children are treated as prisoners, bound to their chairs and escorted to and from their cells by gunpoint. They even feed the poor kids meal worms, like they're savages! One of the children, Melanie, has struck a chord with Ms. Justineau. Melanie seems human enough, but Ms. Justineau can't be sure if her sweet and lovable act is genuine, or just a tricky ruse to get her to let her guard down, so that she can eat her face off.

HE'S NOT BUYING THE NICE ACT, THOUGH. NOT FOR A MINUTE.

When the outpost is overrun with Hungries, Ms. Justineau, Melanie, Dr. Caldwell (who wants to vivisect Melanie), and a group of soldiers are forced to flee into the wilds, hoping to survive long enough to find a place to synthesize a cure to the plague. Somewhere along the way, they all might just learn to love again, too.

OR MAYBE THEY'LL JUST DIE.

The Girl With All the Gifts is a movie that took a more-than-tired sub-genre, and put a fresh spin on it, the results of which is a well-crafted story that was spun with plenty of care. Sure we've seen this story a hundred times before, but here, that story is smart, and it never reverts to the dreaded info dump or to too many overused tropes to get its point across.

The movie may be about a group of characters trying to survive a plague that turns people into infected "Hungries" that want to eat their face off, and of their mission to find a cure to the madness so that they can go on living, but that's about all that's familiar in this one. The place where the story ends up is pretty bold, and refreshing in a way.

The ending was bold a shocking, to say the least.

We also loved the way that the Hungries would stand around like they'd been paused, until they heard or smelled something edible come close. That made for a few intense scenes that mad us hold our breath.

Newcomer Sennia Nanua is the star of the show here, and she carries the movie admirably on her young shoulders. Considering that she's sharing the screen with top-notch actors like Glenn Close and Paddy Considine, that's saying something. She's all kinds of lovable as Melanie, to the point where you just want to reach through the screen and hug her, but at the same time she gave off a creepy aura of someone who could snap and rip a throat out at any minute. Nice job, kid.

And of course how can we not mention the beautiful Gemma Arterton, who is always a welcomed sight on screen.

CREEPY AS SHIT.

We actually get an R-rated level of bloodshed in this one.

SHE'S A MESSY EATER.

Not that kind of flick at all.

SHE SHOULD REALLY LOSE THAT SWEATER. IT'S WAY TOO CUMBERSOME.

Infected children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way.

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW, NANA!

The Girl With All the Gifts is a well-made spin on the infected zombie sub-genre, although I have to admit that for me, it left me wanting. I'm not sure what it left me wanting, more, I suppose, but that could just be me being picky. Maybe the ending threw me a bit. I don't know.

Overall though, this is a very solid flick that you'd do well to check out.

B

The Girl With All the Gifts is available now on VOD, with a Blu-ray/DVD release to follow on April 25th.

Gemma Arterton has some gifts of her own. Oh yes, she's got some gifts.