Quick Review: The Man With the Iron Fists (2012)

Anyone who knows Hip Hop knows the Wu-Tang Clan; those Staten kids with different styles who mixed martial arts samples and references with sick beats and clever lyrics, and gave the rap game a much needed injection of dope ill fly rhymes that were off the heazy. Also, shizzle my nizzle. (I'm white, this is all I've got.)

Their founder, Rza, is not only a music-producing genius, but he loves him some Kung-Fu flicks. I still credit Gza's Liquid Swords album for introducing a legion of white kids to the awesomeness of the movie Shogun Assassin. *If you've never seen Shogun Assassin, see it now. Ditto listening to Liquid Swords.

Anywho, Rza is a brilliant producer/MC, but can he pull off writing and directing a movie too? He's an alright actor, and we know he is a lover of films of all kind, but loving and creating are two different things... still, for all he's given us, we owe him a chance to entertain us on the big screen.

Plus, the trailer looked too good for us to immediately dismiss this movie as a failure, without even seeing it.

Let's just keep the plot description simple here, shall we? Rza is The Blacksmith; a runaway slave who takes up residence in feudal China, and makes weapons for the people of Jungle Village. After learning the details of a massive gold shipment that is to come through said village, someone named Silver Lion kills his father, Gold Lion, which pisses off a bunch of people, including The X-Blade, who wants to kill Silver, Bronze, Iron, Puce, Magenta, Rainbow and White Lion.

Not this White Lion, because, who'd want to kill them?

Then Russel Crowe shows up with a knife-gun at Lucy Liu's whorehouse, violates a bunch of whores in creepy ways, and then decides he wants him some of that gold. The Gemini Killers and the Hyena Clan also want in on the gold action, although the Lion Clan isn't having any of that. They get some dude named Brass Body to protect their interests in the gold claim. This guy is massive, and can change his body to brass at will, making him virtually undefeatable... or is he?

This movies has its share of issues, trust us; it's a bit jumbled, the plot is incoherent at times, the acting isn't anything to write home about in most cases, and it's even goofy at times. There is a 4 hour cut of the movie out there, which may explain why so much of it makes so little sense at times or feels rushed, so we're hoping that the whole thing makes it to Blu-ray at some point. You know, to make more sense of it all?

We saw this movie for the Kung-Fu love and the over the top action, not for its tight script or perfect narrative, so not much of that really matters to us in this case. This movie plays it tongue-in-cheek, and it is absolutely self aware. It knows what it is, and doesn't care to be anything else.

So why did we like it so much?

Crazy Kung Fu action and the copious amounts of blood that comes along with it. The violence was really insane at times.

Russel Crowe. Not only is he awesome, but we think it's cool that he stayed boys with Rza after American Gangster, and came aboard this project to hook him up.

Lucy Liu. Hot and deadly, the perfect combination.

Batista is a beast, and it's always fun to see him destroy things.

Jamie Chung, because good God just look at her!

A great international cast of actors that know their martial arts.

Silver Lion. Sure, this may be a picture of Prince, but Silver Lion was pretty much the Asian Gangster version of Prince, hair and all. We kid you not.

As long time Wu supporters, it was a no-brainer for us to go see a Kung-Fu flick brought to us by the mind of The Rza, who loves and essentially built his empire off of Kung-Fu flicks. This isn't a great film; in fact it's a bit messy and dare I say amateurish, especially with some of the bad dialogue and that annoying voice-over. That said, this is a labor of love that does exactly what it was supposed to; entertain fans of Martial Arts flicks with some crazy fight scenes and visuals.
 
Anyone who digs the old chop-socky flicks of old will have a lot of fun with The Man With the Iron Fists. Those who are looking for anything else other than a fun time will find the movie lacking in many ways.

B

Don't know where this Jamie Chung girl came from (possibly Guam), but she is a stunner. Lucy Liu ain't half bad either.

All Day Horror-Thon- Update #2

 

The Shrine is a cheap little movie that should have sucked, but ended up being an example of how filmmakers can make a decent, scary horror flick on the (relative) cheap.

If you can get past the whole "girl does stupid shit that puts everyone's life in danger because she wants her career to take off" thing, which really annoyed us to no end, the rest of the movie is a smart, taut little supernatural thriller that ends in a place that I didn't expect it to.

There were some genuinely creepy scenes and moments in this one, and we're sad that it's still a largely unknown flick to most people. See it if you can, you won't regret it. We think. *Tastes can be subjective, you know.

The more we watch The Collector, the more we love the hell out of it. Filled with all kinds of great TV character actors and one of the most clever maniacs to come along in quite some time, this movie is an absolute instant classic around these parts.

So a guy (Arkin) breaks into a house, intent on robbing it, and finds himself interrupting a serial killer's torture and murdering of a family, which kinda kills his whole robbery scheme. Trapped in the middle of a trap-filled house, he has to fight for his life, and the lives of the family that he's trapped with, and so a battle of wits unfolds between he and The Collector...

Originally intended as the basis for a Saw prequel, it became its own movie, and are we ever glad that it did; it was nice to see a movie that involves nasty and elaborate traps away from the Jigsaw mythos, and given its own life. The traps in this movie are quite something to witness, and for the record, they are nothing like those seen int he average Saw movie. There's no moral lessons doled out here by some maniac on a mission, only death. And some collecting. Hence the title.

We can not wait to seethe sequel to this one, The Collection, which comes out in theaters this November. With the first one being so enjoyable, we can only imagine the 2nd one will be at least as good. Hopefully even better.

More to come.....

All Day Horror-Thon- Update #1

As promised, we got the creepy ball rolling at 12 A.M. Eastern Time.

Suspiria is an all-time favorite that we need to see at least once a year. The Argento classic was one of the last feature films to ever be processed in Technicolor, and rightly so; it's a visual spectacle that uses vivid colors as well as any other movie I can recall.

The first of Argento's "Three Mothers Trilogy," Suspiria tells the story of an American ballet student abroad who runs afoul of a Coven of Witches, lead by one of the Three Mothers (Mater Suspiriorum, in this case). It's stylish, beautiful to behold, creepy, gory as hell, and boasts one of the best Scores of all time (courtesy of legendary composers, Goblin.)

If you've never seen this gem, get a hold of a copy and see it asap. It's as close to required viewing as a horror movie can get.

*For the sake of continuity, the other two parts of the "Three Mothers Trilogy" are Inferno and The Mother of Tears, both of which are worth a look.

Say what you will about the much maligned flick, The Last Exorcism, but for our money, it's one of the better Exorcism flicks that's come along in forever.

Shot Cinema Verite style, The Last Exorcism is about a shady preacher named Cotton Marcus, who runs around pretending to do miracles and such, while really being nothing more than a complete fraud. Things get interesting when he takes on a new case of a possessed girl, and instead of his normal gig he gets the real deal, which he is woefully unprepared for.

We liked this one mainly because the guy who played Cotton Marcus was likeable and played one hell of a role. Then there's the movie itself, which slowly unraveled to reveal a pretty creepy and intense supernatural story. Lots of people didn't like the end, but we thought it was kinda cool; the "it came out of left field" twist leaves things open for a possible sequel, which we'd definitely see.

We love the feel of this movie, and had the urge to make it a part of this year's Halloween viewing.

Now, back to it...

The 31 Days of Horror- Halloween!

All day, all night, nothing but one flick after another. Starting at Midnight, we're watching some old and new classics, until we can't watch anymore!

Or until we have to go do something, like you know, pee. Or eat. Go to work. Stuff like that.

But aide from those kinds of things, we're doing nothing else but watching movies for the entire 24 hours that Halloween is here!!!!!!!!!!

*Also, sleep will have to factor in there somewhere, so, yeah.

First up, at the stroke of Midnight, is Suspiria...

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Nine- The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Why are we watching this new movie when there are so many awesome classics that we haven't even seen yet this season? Well, the answer is simple; this movie may be new, but it too is an awesome classic in its own right.

Cabin in the Woods is one of those movies that just makes you smile; it's clever and different, and just self-aware enough that it works perfectly. It's got scares, laughs, homages to spare, and it ends in a way that makes us wish more horror flicks and their creators would pay attention to what it is that makes a good movie work.

Some of these guys look pretty familiar, although this is the first time I'm noticing the Klan guys... how appropriately controversial!

It would truly be a shame to spoil the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, and so we won't. What we will say is that if you are looking for a fun horror flick that turns the "A group of friends head into the woods for a weekend of partying..." byline on its head, inside out, and then eviscerates it, this is a movie you will want to check out.

This will be one of the best, if the the best movie of the year once everyone's year end lists start popping up in late December. It definitely will be one of ours.

Now, we're off to re-watch the Blu-ray special features.

Own it now to see who wins!

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Eight- The Walking Dead

 
So after our weekend long Halloween shindig (preparations included in that time frame), we got to lay around on Sunday, nurse our wounds, and close it all out by catching episode three of this season's The Walking Dead.

The first two episodes gave us non-stop greatness, and the third one delivered the same, albeit in a completely different way,

This week, TWD left the prison behind to focus on Michonne and Andrea, and their run in with The Governor. We knew it was coming, but what we didn't know was how close it would follow the storyline from the TWD comics.

Morrissey was great as The Governor, and it's clear from the get go that he is a twisted guy, and is going to be one hell of a villain this season. We won't spoil what he did in the episode, but suffice it to say that he is a touchy bastard who has no problem killing indiscriminately.

The last bit with him in his secret room was creepy, although not what we expected. *In the comics, his secret room harbors different secrets. Maybe he has 2 secret rooms, and the other one will show up next week? Probably not, but we'd be cool with it if that happened.

As for Andrea and her mysterious partner Michonne? Well, they're pretty much trapped. Something tells me Michonne ain't havin' that shit for too long...

One of these Ho's be trippin', can you guess which one? (Hint: It's the Strawberry.)

 The other big thing this week was the return of Merle, which was unfortunately teased in the trailers and promos for this season, even it began. We really wished they had kept it completely under wraps and let it be a surprise, but it was still cool even though we knew it was coming.

Merle is looking skinny and ragged, and he has a bayonet-thingy for a hand now, which makes him feel like a skeezy version of Ash (Evil Dead) to us.What we're wondering is what he'll do when he finds out Daryl is alive. Hell, we're wondering what Daryl will do when he finds out Merle is alive. Will the be on opposite sides of the inevitable Rick vs. The Governor battle that is on its way, or will they pick a side together? And which side will that be? Aaaaah!

All I'm saying is that for me, if Daryl dies, TWD dies with it. I've had enough of this "favorite character dying" B.S. this year with Sons of Anarchy, and I do not want to deal with it again.

This week was a bit "quieter" than the past two weeks have been, but it was still one hell of an episode. If the rest of this season even partially follows the storyline from the comics, things are about to get pretty crazy.

Fan, meet shit.

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Seven- The annual THC Halloween Party!

That time of year is here again, where we THC'ers and friends will be drinking the night away to celebrate our favorite day of the year; Arbor Day! Halloween!

Sexy costumes, creepy costumes, and a drink made from part moonshine and part Everclear called apple pie... you know it's going to be a good night.

We will be back tomorrow, with hangovers in tow, for the new episode of The Walking Dead. Until then, we are off to make complete fools of ourselves.

Just imagine apple cider that makes you forget who you our for hours at a time, and that's Apple Pie!

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Four- AHS re-watch, part 2

Finally finished Season 1, and saw the first two episodes of season 2, and all we can say is... who is Bloody Face?!?

The asylum setting for season 2 is pretty neat, and it already feels way different than last season, although it also feels quite the same.What I'm really liking about the 2nd season of this anthology series, is that we get ourselves a creepy serial killer running around offing people in the past setting, and one that may just be a ghost doing the same in the present.

I can't wait to see the havoc that Bloody Face is going to cause, and I hope the body count is high.

Lovin' it.

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Three- AHS re-watch

 
Tonight (and most likely part of tomorrow) we're re-watching Season 1 of American Horror Story from the start.

When it premiered last year, we didn't really care for it so much at first; it was a well made and interesting show, it just didn't really pack much of a punch for us. Scares were what we were after, and it seemed light on those.

As the season wore on however, it got better and better, and by the time it ended, we were in love. Or at least we were in severe like.

In anticipation for Season 2, we need to get back in the AHS mood; Season 2 looks to be a drastically different story and quite a departure from season 1, but it's still all tied together, and so we need a refresher.

Kinky.

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-Two- Rob Zombie x 2!

We've been pretty harsh critics of Rob Zombie and his films around here. If you really look at his work, it definitely has a "shtick" about it, and for us, it has worked a few times, but largely failed.

His first two flicks, which we'll get to in a minute here, worked for us. His trailer for Werewolf Women of the S.S. in the middle of the Grindhouse flicks was a fun throwback. We even found ourselves really liking his remake of Halloween, despite its flaws and the fact that it was a remake of one of the most beloved and revered horror movies of all time.

Dr. Satan, and the guy who hosts The Talking Dead.

Halloween II though, was where we started to question his abilities as a filmmaker. It was a mess, and left us feeling angry and mistreated. Ditto for El Superbeasto... that movie was shit, although to be fair, we are not the core audience for that kind of animation flick.

As far as we're concerned, his first two movies are his best.

Ooh, ooh, oooooh, baby, baby.

House of 1000 Corpses is a messy film in a lot of ways, with all of its wacky cut scenes, spotty dialogue, and clunky delivery (in places), but damn if we don't just love it all the same.

It's definitely a throwback to the days of 70's grindhouse flicks, which Zombie obviously loves, and it delivers some pretty memorable characters, scenes, and some inspired ideas. Sid Haig and Bill Moseley are just fantastic in this movie, and their characters, for us, are instant classics.

I suppose that the gritty nastiness that 1000 corpses brings to the table was a welcomed thing back in 2003, because most of what we were seeing back then wasn't anywhere near its level of crazy. It felt fresh and different, and even today it still feels the same. In a retro sort of way.

We are family...

The Devil's Rejects continued the story of the Firefly clan, but it upped the ante and ended up being one hell of a film.

It's a road movie, for the most part; a tale of Otis, Baby and Captain Spaulding, on the run from Sheriff Wydell, and the havoc that they all cause along their journey. It's stark, brutal, and almost over the top in its violence. The writing and acting have improve vastly from 1000 Corpses, and it stands as one of the best genre offerings of the 2000's.

Viewed together, they make an oddly cohesive unit, and they look great on Blu-ray.*Quick note- Best Buy has both of these flicks on Blu-ray right now for $4.99 each! You're crazy if you don't go and scoop these up for that price... unless you already own them. Then you'd be crazy for buying them twice, just because they're super cheap.

Now let's just hope that The Lords of Salem can be half as good...

The 31 Days of Horror, Day Twenty-One- The Walking Dead

Another Sunday, another new episode of The Walking Dead, and this week's episode was even better than the season premiere.

We're going to try to avoid specific spoilers of those of you who haven't seen the episode yet, but some of the words below will definitely be spoilerish, so read on at your own risk.

Is it just me, or has Rick gone a bit off the rails? He pretty much killed two people in a precautionary manner, one of them in a rather cruel way. When he looked at the one convict and said "run", I couldn't believe it.

Don't get me wrong, I loved when he took care of business this episode, and hope he keeps it up, but it just seems like the long hard winter (that happened off screen for us) made him a harder man.

We also found ourselves actually jumping when Laurie was trying to help Herschel... Does she know that the breathing part of CPR is pretty much irrelevant now? She got lucky.

Daryl and T-Dog had their small moments of awesomeness again, although we'd really like to see both of them get more screen time and lines. They be our faves.

T-Dog is everyone's bottom bitch..

We actually liked Carl a little bit this week too, which is unusual because he's usually an annoying little bitch. 

The preview for next week showed only Michonne and Andrea, so we're wondering if they're going to have their own episode and we wont see our prison gang until the following week... either way, it looks like The Governor and Merle finally show up in episode 3, so were sure it'll be fine by us.

The first two episodes of this season already feel for satisfying than the whole of season 2 did; there's not as much talking, whining, and sitting around being dramatic. It's pretty much been all action and incident.

Here's to hoping that this plot pacing keeps up all season long.

Man oh man is that gonna be cool...