October 17, 2009

Theatrical Review: Zombieland (2009)


Cast Members of Note- Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, and Amber Heard.

Mad Cow Disease finally destroys humanity in the form of a gas station hamburger, and turns most everyone into stark raving Mad-Cow zombies! This begs the question of who would eat a hamburger at a gas station? I mean, really? Anyway, Zombie Apocalypse ensues, which includes ninja zombies, robot zombies, and flaming zombies!

Even Firemen run from flaming zombies, and they run from nothing!
Alive and on the run in the world-turned-zombie, Columbus, a nerdy World of Warcraft virgin-geek, meets up with Tallahassee, a bad-ass southern ass kicker who likes to kick zombie ass for fun, and the two set off on a mission to find some Twinkies. After finding nothing other than a truck full of Sno-balls, they are hijacked and robbed by two chicks (Wichita and Little Rock), twice, and somehow end up meeting Bill Murray

Can you guess which character is which?
Will Columbus ever get laid? Will Wichita learn to love again? Will Tallahassee ever find a friggin' Twinkie? Not if the zombie clown has anything to say about it!

Fuck this clown!
I have one thing to say, and one thing only: any movie that plays For Whom the Bell Tolls over its opening credits is aces in my book. Ok I lied, I have more to say... This movie is fun as hell, and aside from the annoying actions of the main chicks throughout most of the movie, it's easily one of the best of the year. Woody Harrelson is brilliant as Tallahassee, the zombie ass-kicking southern boy with a penchant for awesome one-liners. I mean no disservice to the other actors in the movie, but he carried this one on his back, and even pressed it over his head a few times. Everyone else performed admirably too, but Woody definitely stole all of the thunder. 

He sets the standard for "Not to be fucked with."
And what a stroke of genius that Bill Murray cameo was. It's the little things like that cameo, the Twinkie sub-plot, and the "rules," that made this move a breath of fresh air. Clever, funny, well written & acted... this is a great movie all the way around. 

On a sad note, 406 got 86'd way too quickly. I'm a firm believer that what the world so desperately needs right now is more Amber Heard, and to see her cameo not be a leading role... but at least we had a short while together.

I would have shot the snotty little grifter bitches. Sure, I may have missed out on some eventual romance, and maybe they're good people who are just scared and overly-defensive, but screw that, no chick pulls a gun on me and lives! Unless it's Amber Heard. That'd be ok. 

You're a virgin, don't be so picky!
How annoyingly stupid were the chicks in the movie? Ditching the guys and running off alone, when they couldn't survive on their own, and turning on an amusement park at night... creating a MASSIVE beacon for zombies? Then, jump out of your car and get on a ride that strands you 300 feet in the air because it's safe? Zombies can climb, dummies!

They also run pretty well.
Plenty of typical zombie movie violence and gore to be had here, though it was nothing insanely over the top. A lot of the kills were clever and even funny, and should satisfy anyone needing a messy zombie death fix.

Nope, and what a waste of three two hot chicks. Sorry Abigail Breslin, you're too young to be hot. You'll have to settle for adorable for another 3 years or so. As for Amber Heard and Emma Stone, though... let the naughty thoughts begin!

Those are they eyes of a girl that wants to get naked.
"You wanna feel how hard I can punch?" or "Double Tap." 
Bill Murray is awesome. Also, chicks cannot survive without men... this movie more than proved that theory.

Just admit it, girls. You need us. At least a little bit.
This is a wickedly fun movie that all of us as horror fans need to see on the big screen. As Horror Comedies go (especially of the zombie variety), dare I say this is better than Shaun of the Dead? That's totally up for debate, but it's at least as good, and I can only pray that we get a sequel at some point. See it, and if you already have, see it again.


Zombieland is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Emma Stone lives in Hottieland

*Addendum: Now that Abigail Breslin is 18, so does she.


  1. Great writeup. I'm dying to see this movie!!

  2. Chicks CAN survive without men. Ahem, anyway, I gotta say that I'm pretty tired of horror comedies at this point... especially zombie horror comedies. It's not so much that they've been done to death (no pun intended), but that they were never that great to begin with. Horror is best when played with a straight face.

  3. Um, yes... chicks can survive without men... no need for violence... :)

    Most horror comedy usually sucks, but when they get it right, it can be all sorts of magic.

  4. I know I am sounding all negative and stuff lately, but I would rather disagree than shut up (which explains my life, hmm).

    Anyway, I thought this was a boring romcom with some zombies in it. Not funny, not horror, not thrilling, not even romancy. It just plained sucked. It was like a romantic comedy commercial for Twinkies. With zombies (and I include in that Bill Murray's and Woody Harelson's un-dead careers).

  5. You are crazy Siderite, and yet I always welcome your negativity :)

  6. i've watched this movie...awesome. 2 thumbs up...

    just sharing to download :

  7. Yeah, BIG TYPER up there says it's a romcom.
    Question: Is it still considered a romantic comedy after you compound fracture your first love interest then smack her in the face with a toilet cover... Twice?
    Siderite, that's why you will never get Zombie Kill of the Week. You have ZERO sense of irony and you just want to attempt to use jargon like "romcom," because you heard it on TMZ, even while brains are being eaten and heads are being severed by gardening tools.
    Thanks to all of you who want all fun taken out of dark movies.
    In short, your comments are categorically INCORRECT.