October 25, 2009

The 31 Days of Horror- #7

"A French movie that made us cringe, and another crapfest from the guy whose movies keep getting worse..."

The Hidden Gem:
The Master says: The French just have a way of making movies (especially Horror movies) mean something more. Sometimes it comes across as a being bit self-indulgent, and sometimes it just plain is, but adding a level of mental/spiritual depth to something as brutal and painstaking as Martyrs is, is a work of art. Plain and simple. They take chances. They push the envelope. They destroy both genre and human boundaries, and sometimes redefine them. Transcend them even. This is one of those times. I really don't mean for this to come across as a "Martyrs is the best thing ever!" sort of ass kissing, because it isn't perfect. I just think that Pascal Laugier did something bold and daring here, and he pulled it off extremely well. Some will truly love this film, some will absolutely downright hate it, and others will not know what the hell just happened to them... whichever way you feel though, it's a movie that deserves to be seen.

The Train Wreck:
The Master says: M.Night Shaymalananan is so clever! Wanna know why come? Because of clever things like this that he slips into the movie; he gives us the witty play on words "Kiladelphia." Instead of Philadelphia, get it? He makes mood rings an indicator of danger; He schools us about 435 times how plants react to human stimulus and do stuff; math riddles calm hysterical people down during a "Happening," plants, trees and grass can communicate with each other; wind is really scary; plants release co-transporters in the air; this movie makes little sense. Once Marky Mark screams "Get scientific, douche bag!" at himself, seriously, he figures it all out; Stay ahead of the wind, and stay in a big group , and the plants cant kill us. The wind chase is on! Luckily, it cant catch 20 milling city folk, because obviously wind is slow. Marky Mark finds a little tree in the den of a farmhouse they hide out in and says the following (looking terrified all the while); "Hello? My name is Elliot Moore, I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes... were just here to use the bathroom, I hope that's ok." The tree turns out to be plastic. Wow, that's funny... almost as funny as 9 year old cancer patients with aids being mauled by lions. Less funny even.


  1. Horror fans should lower their expectations if/when they see Martyrs because it was really overhyped/overrated. Probably most fans jumped on the bandwagon without clearly delineating why because this was - for the most part - dreadfully boring with some pseudo-intellectualism thrown in there to justify the violence. There was about 20/25 minutes of pretty well the same scene repeating itself. Wasn't terrible but didn't warrant the blind love heaped on it.

  2. The Happening has to be one of the most astoundingly bad films of all time. You just sit there with mouth agape at the horrendous writing, acting and directing trying to decide which is worst.

  3. I quite enjoyed Martyrs. Didn't see that story coming at all. plus it had me thinking about it long after it finished. A good un that.

    As for The Happening, i got better things to do than give that twat a chance. Type of film an ex would rent out. Man, going to the rental shop with her was bad. She'd just look at the cover and say "This looks good" (teen slasher/revenge cack). The arguments we'd have. Even worse was her best friend whom my mate goes out with. She turned off the Hills (remake) after 10 minutes and he wasn't allowed to watch it either. Should replace her Sex in the City dvd sticker with Scrapbook. she'd love that!