"A French movie that made us cringe, and another crapfest from the guy whose movies keep getting worse..."
The Hidden Gem:
The Master says: The French just have a way of making movies (especially Horror movies) mean something more. Sometimes it comes across as a being bit self-indulgent, and sometimes it just plain is, but adding a level of mental/spiritual depth to something as brutal and painstaking as Martyrs is, is a work of art. Plain and simple. They take chances. They push the envelope. They destroy both genre and human boundaries, and sometimes redefine them. Transcend them even. This is one of those times. I really don't mean for this to come across as a "Martyrs is the best thing ever!" sort of ass kissing, because it isn't perfect. I just think that Pascal Laugier did something bold and daring here, and he pulled it off extremely well. Some will truly love this film, some will absolutely downright hate it, and others will not know what the hell just happened to them... whichever way you feel though, it's a movie that deserves to be seen.
The Train Wreck:
The Master says: M.Night Shaymalananan is so clever! Wanna know why come? Because of clever things like this that he slips into the movie; he gives us the witty play on words "Kiladelphia." Instead of Philadelphia, get it? He makes moodrings an indicator of danger; He schools us about 435 times how plants react to human stimulus and do stuff; math riddles calm hysterical people down during a "Happening," plants, trees and grass can communicate with each other; wind is really scary; plants release co-transporters in the air; this movie makes little sense. Once Marky Mark screams "Get scientific, douche bag!" at himself, seriously, he figures it all out; Stay ahead of the wind, and stay in a big group , and the plants cant kill us. The wind chase is on! Luckily, it cant catch 20 milling city folk, because obviously wind is slow. Marky Mark finds a little tree in the den of a farmhouse they hide out in and says the following (looking terrified all the while); "Hello? My name is Elliot Moore, I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes... were just here to use the bathroom, I hope that's ok." The tree turns out to be plastic. Wow, that's funny... almost as funny as 9 year old cancer patients with aids being mauled by lions. Less funny even.