October 19, 2009

Quick Review: Live Animals (2008)

"Every year, millions of people go missing, and as it turns out, many of them are found alive and well in shitty Horror movies like this one."

Live Animals is the story of five friends who after a night of partying, wake up to find themselves chained up in some backwoods hick's barn in Cousin Fuck, Arkansas. They're about to be "Broken" like horses, which probably involves rape and torture of some kind, and so there's a lot of moaning and screaming and crying. And sex slavery.

This movie is dark, blurry, and hard to visibly follow, which is alright with us, because it's such a horrible movie, that we weren't particularly interested in being able to follow it anyway. The story is poor, the acting is poor, and not even the nudity and gore made it interesting for us. If you dig poorly-made Torture Porn though, knock yourself out.

Since there are so many movies that we verbally abuse after having to endure them (and for good reason), we thought it fair to come up with at least 5 things that were good or decent about the DO NOT WANT'S of the world. We will use pictures to illustrate said things. So here are 5 positive things about Live Animals:

*We really don't have many good things to say about this movie, but we'll try.

Human horses are cool?
We felt bad for her.
She looked good.
He was a real good henchman.
His dedication to his craft.
Learyn Wilde is in this.

No comments :

Post a Comment