October 12, 2009

Review: Doghouse (2009)

"This movie is a lot Lesbian Vampire Killers, only with zombies and less laughs..."

Cast Members of Note- Danny Dyer, Stephen Graham, and Christina Cole.

A bunch of blokes head out into the English Countryside to help their mate forget his recent divorce from his nit of a bird. Bugger me if they don't pick the one bloody village in all of England that is inhabited solely by man-hating, feminist zombie slags. Poor chaps, all they wanted was a little bit o' candy too...

They bloody well do their best to fight off the zombie chicks, but the whole mess is bollocks from the get go. They take refuge in the abandoned buildings around the village, and come up with fun and creative ways to kills the zombie tarts, but most of them don't even sodding work that well. To make it worse, the sodding Army seems to be behind everything, along with some chick named Meg Nut, which is never fully explained.

"Who in the 'ell is Meg Nut?" They both ask, the answer unclear even to them.
From this point on, everything goes barney, and craziness ensues. Will the zombie bird's kill the cheeky men before they can escape? Will Roger and Randy play a role in things at all? Does Rumpy Pumpy sound better than Rugger Bugger? Mostly, no, and yes, it sounds way better... and Bob's your Uncle.

I have no more British slang words left in me.
This movie was mostly fun, had flashes of greatness, had some ideas that seemed interesting, but it just came up short in the end. Think Lesbian Vampire Killers only with zombies, less humor, and an ending that will leave you wondering WTF happened. That's pretty much it. Oh, and there's a plethora of hot chicks in the movie too, though most of them are covered by not so hot zombie makeup. Still, it's kinda cool to know that the hotness is underneath.

Many times, British humor totally escapes me. I get the dry, sardonic wit thing sometimes, as with Shaun of the Dead, Monty Python, or maybe anything starring Vinnie Jones... but for the love of me I can't explain how Mr. Bean is funny, unless by funny you mean "makes me want to beat puppies to death with iron bars." Maybe it's just me.

WTF was with the ending? And for that matter, why didn't it really end? Could we have gotten a "to be continued..." or even a tried and true "The End?....." instead of a freeze frame in the middle of a huge action scene? And why did they tease Nutmeg when we find out NOTHING about her? Come on!

That's pretty much the end.
Yes, blood and body parts abound in this one. It's a zombie movie; it would be a sin if it didn't feature copious amounts of gore.

Nope. All sorts of hot British Totty is on display here, but there is nary a boob to be seen. 

"You sound like a dolphin."

English humor is not always funny. Also, "Rumpy Pumpy" may be the coolest two words that have ever been placed together.

You are not funny!
There are worse ways to spend an hour and a half, as this movie is pretty fun and full of mindless enjoyability, but at the same time it gets a bit annoying and grates on the nerves a bit. If you like British Horror Comedy, this one might satisfy you, but be aware that it is an uneven effort at best.


Doghouse is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


This Doghouse if full of foxes.


  1. Even if the movie isn't great, those screen caps are.

  2. Never liked Mr Bean. Never seen the movie either and always tread carefully if you come across movies with good reviews from British magazines such as 'Nuts', 'Zoo' or any other 'lads mags' as they tend to be written by bellends for bellends.

    Haven't seen this and i got no interest in seeing Lesbian Vampire Killers either.

    (Bellend= the big helmet shaped part of male anatomy)