The Master says: To have seen this horrible film adaptation of a pretty fun video game is akin to having seen your father making love to the turkey the night before Thanksgiving; they're both thoroughly cringe-inducing, unsanitary, clumsy, ridiculous, and you will never, ever, never get that image out of your head. Ever.
Aside from the shoddy acting, script, and Uwe Boll's craptacular direction, this movie fails at trying to be like an actual video game. Complete with crazy bullet-time action shots, dumb-ass kids that suddenly become deadly Zombie-killing mercenaries out of nowhere, Zombies that die from machete wounds, Zombies that are defeated by lame wire-fu Karate moves, and inter-cut with actual scenes from the video game itself, it's really insane how horribly horrible this horrible movie is.
In April 2008, Uwe Boll promised to retire if an online petition gained 1 million signatures asking him to do so. I pray to every God or deity that exists, please make this happen. I swear that if he retires, I'll stop watching clown porn, and let the kittens out of the "Hamper." I swear.
Can't really credit Paranormal Activity for anything other than running an extremely effective hype campaign. The movie didn't scare me at all; not once. The only horrifying thing was wondering whether the tedium, atrocious acting/dialogue, and lame plot devices would ever end. It made me appreciate genuinely creepy "handycam" movies like the original Blair Witch and Noroi even more.
ReplyDeleteOh whatever... it was good! LOL
ReplyDeletePA was enjoyable, not scary but creepy at times.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why folks go on about Blair Witch - I mean is was just pathetically bad.
Blair Witch was effective on a minimalist level. I didn't think it was the best thing ever, but at the time it was boldly different from anything else we'd seen, and effective.
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