October 4, 2009

DVD Review: Seventh Moon (2009)

"A pretty good flick that quickly became nearly unwatchable... literally."

Cast Members of Note- Amy Smart, Tim Chiou, and Dennis Chan.

A hot white chick and her Cantonese husband are in China to meet his parents and go sight-seeing. Unfortunately for them, they just so happen to be sight-seeing during the Day of the Dead celebration, which is the time of year when evil shit walks the Earth killing all of the good and innocent shit. 

She is the hot shit.
Their tour guide, Ping, drives them into the countryside, gets them lost, and abandons them. He runs off into a creepy village that looks deserted aside from all sorts of wounded animals that are chained up everywhere, but they insist on yelling "Ping!" at the top of their lungs despite that fact that everything is all creepy. They end up yelling "Ping!" about 120 times in the span of 5 minutes, but to no avail. You see, they fell for the okey-doke, and are now lambs for the slaughter. That's what you get for trusting a guy named Ping. Seriously. 
"You trust me, I make die!"
Once they figure out that they're about to be sacrificed to some pale white creepy things, they drive off as fast as they can, hoping to get away in time... and as all dumbasses do in these movies, the chick gets out of the car to help some guy laying in the road, and all hell breaks loose. I won't spoil what happens next here, because I really couldn't tell what happened. That's all.
Had I not adjusted the brightness on this picture, it would have been nearly black... and it's still fairly hard to see.

This movie is pretty interesting and pretty creepy, but it's plagued with characters that do really dumb things, and it boasts some of the worst lighting/camera work in any film that we've seen in forever. That basically sums up Seventh Moon. I'm proud that I made it through the whole thing. (Ghost House Underground is still one of our favorite Genre companies though. No knock on them.) Aside from the poor visuals, the premise was pretty interesting, and Amy Smart was great as the naive wife who turns tough by films end. The creatures themselves were also pretty cool, all pale and milky white, empty eyed and hungry for flesh.
Can she escape?

If the shaky cam of The Blair Witch Project gave you fits and made you nauseous, this movie will absolutely give you a seizure. Possibly a grand mal. Oh, and many shots in the film are obscured and out of focus, which I get stylistically, but it's way over-done and seriously detracts from the mood of the whole thing.

Why so blurry?
This may be the darkest movie I've ever seen. Did Eduardo Sanchez just decide to shoot everything in the dark and flip a light on every now and then? What is Amy Smart screaming at? Don't know, can't see it

Sorry Amy Smart, but that little light wont help.
I honestly don't know because I couldn't see shit. (Ok fine, some blood is visible, but I really mean it when I say that it was too dark to see most of it.)


Good lawd!
Shaky-cam = shit.

Amy Smart is cute though, shaky or not.
This movie is a truly frustrating experience, and I really can't recommend that anyone sit through it. It has it's merits of course, but you can't see most of them through the blurry, shaky-cam, and near complete darkness. Had the style of the film been more "normal," I think I would have liked it a lot. Maybe it's just me.


Seventh Moon is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD. 
Amy Smart is the best thing about this film.


  1. And here I was collecting obscure horror movies for when the wife goes to her parents, convinced that I could see the new horrible horror movies before the guys at The Horror Club. And then they review the bloody things! I so hate you right now!