Hallows' Eve (2013)

It's hard to describe how truly bad this movie was over the course of a small movie review. To do so properly would require us to give a play by play of the entire movie, and if we're going to do that, then we may as well tell you to watch it so that you can just see for yourselves.

Keep in mind that this movie is one of two Horror flicks out there with the title Hallows' Eve; the other one has yet to see release, but it's still easy to get them confused.

This is the one with Danielle Harris, who must have owed somebody a big favor to have even wasted her time appearing in it.

A bunch of mean teenagers jump a little girl named Eve (who looks like she's about 8-years-old) in a cornfield, while she's pulling a wagon filled with pumpkins on the way to her pumpkin dumping ground? Anywho, they smash her pumpkins and throw their guts and seeds all over her, which prompts her to make a run for it. Of course they chase her, which ends with her being run over by a tractor driven by someone who I think was her dad?

Flash forward 10 years, where all of the mean kids have grown up to be mean and pointless adults who seem to do nothing but smoke weed by the pound, and fight about who's screwing who. Little Eve is all grown up too, having survived the tractor mangling which apparently only scarred up her cheek real bad.

Couldn't they have gotten her skin grafts or something?

When a few of the now mean adults peek through Eve's window and see her changing, she freaks out as if she's just witnessed her family being slaughtered, and it's not long before a shadowy figure begins to dispatch every member of the asshole crew that caused Eve's tragic accident, oh so long ago.

Who is killing the asshole crew? Will any of them survive? Why in the world was Danielle Harris in this movie? I don't honestly care what the answers to any of those questions are, and neither will you.

Eye guess she had that one coming.

Tiffany Shepis was pretty funny in her small role, and Ashley C. Williams was hot and sassy playing the bad girl. The movie had a pretty decent amount of gore in it too, most of which was pretty solid.

Bad girls make the world go 'round. True story.

Hallows' Eve was a mess. By the time we get to the "!0 years later" portion of the movie, we're not sure who most of the characters are, or what they're doing. In the opening scene, they all looked to be 14-15 years old, and yet they all seem to be in their early 30's when the movie jumps ahead.

The characters only exist in this script to smoke weed, get laid, and be bumped off. Now, you might be saying to yourself "but that's how it goes in Horror movies, dummy," which is true, but the lack of coherence on display here makes the normal by-the-numbers genre staples distracting.

The acting is pretty bad across the board, although a lot of the cast really tries, but in the end their efforts are done in by a truly bad and confused script.

And what was with the bit with the Mother showing up at the end? That plot point pretty much came out of nowhere, and really didn't make any sense. Then again with this movie, that's par for the course.

That little person on the left has a very distracting haircut.

"Well, you and your friend's parents weren't the nicest kids back then, okay?" That's an actual line from the movie, and it illustrates just how poorly executed the whole mess is.

Plenty of gore to go around in this one, and most of it was pretty well done. At one point, you could tell that a dummy was being used in place of an actress during a kill scene, and it made us laugh.

It actually looked pretty cool, but it was so cheesy that we had to laugh out loud.

 

There was some nudity in this one, including a cute brunette taking a bath, and a dream sequence sex scene.

There was no best line here... what do you think this is?

Danielle Harris needs to start being a bit more selective when picking her projects.

Selena Gomez?

This could have been a decent little B-grade slasher flick, if only the story would have made any sense whatsoever. Everything felt so jumbled, and it was all conveyed by such poor acting, that what was going on failed to matter about 10 minutes in.

If you absolutely have to see this movie, wait for it to hit Netflix or Cable, because  it's a really tough one to justify spending actual money one. Trust us. We know.

Not even the lovely presence of Danielle Harris, Tiffany Shepis, Ashley C. Williams and Courtney Baxter could save this one. They've all done much better work, and will no doubt do so again, just not this time.