VOD Review: Most Likely to Die (2016)

"We're most likely to forget this movie just as soon as this review ends."

We went into Most Likely to Die hoping for a fun, 90's throwback of a Slasher flick, and instead we got a dull Lifetime Movie of the Week.

Having done some great movies like Dread and Cassadaga, we expected more from director Anthony DiBiasi with this one. Then again, it was the lazy script (which was written in the 90's) and not the direction that kept this movie from going anywhere. The fact that Jake Busey and Perez Hilton are the biggest names in the cast doesn't help matters much, but really, it was the convoluted storyline and the "who wrote this" level of duologue that killed it for us. Mostly.

On the eve of their 10 year High School Reunion, a gaggle of friends gather at a remote mansion to party it up before the big day. None of them have seen each other since High School, but apparently they're close enough to get together and pretend that they're still great friends, just like most people do on Facebook.

"ADD ME, AND LIKE ALL OF MY POSTS!"

When its revealed that the group tortured one of their classmates back in the day, playing a prank in which they designated him Most Likely to Die in the yearbook, you just know that someone is going to show up in a cap, gown, and creepy paper mache mask, and start killing them off one by one. Because if anything drives people to kill their friends in elaborate ways, it's a mean-spirited yearbook prank.

NOW THAT'S NOT NICE.

If you Google the plot of this movie, here's what you get:

"It's the night before a 10-year high school reunion and someone's been holding a grudge. One by one, former classmates are slain in ways befitting their yearbook superlatives."

Superlatives? That's your hook? Forget that most of those superlatives are pretty vague ("Most likely to do what she wants"), but that's what a maniacal killer bases his murder schemes off of? How does the one dude being the most likely to "Be a legend on ice" have anything to do with his death?

Let's back up a bit here, and cover the good stuff first.

Most Likely to Die had its moments. It's a visually-sharp movie; the killer looked pretty cool; one of the kills was awesome; and the acting was better than I expected from a B-grade flick like this, especially from Heather Morris, who has a really likable quality about her. And I don't know who this Tatum Miranda girl is, but she's pretty nice to look at.

WE DIG THE OUTFIT.

That said, the movie got a lot of things wrong, mostly due to an underwhelming script.

• There's an awful lot of characters sitting around and talking in this movie, and aside from Heather Morris's character, none of them were interesting enough for us to care what they had to say. 
• With the way that they sat around and had casual conversations after finding their friends dead, it was like the characters didn't even find themselves interesting enough to care about, so why would we? 
• The reason for the killer's rampage was pretty lame. It was a stretch for us to accept the shitty explanation of why they felt the need to kill this group of friends off.
• Aside from the one in the kitchen, most of the kills were lame. This movie would have been much better if it had given us some graphic, clever kills to watch... you know, like the Slasher flicks of years gone by that it tries so hard to emulate used to do. 
• When the first dead body is discovered by the friends, why do they leave a girl all alone in the big house, while they travel as a group down the dark road to go check it out? 
• And why, when the guy who goes for help has his car run out of gas (cut fuel line), does he make the LONG trek back to the house, instead of walking somewhere else for help?
• And are we really supposed to believe that Perez Hilton's 40-year-old ass went to High School with these 20-somethings?
• And the ending that was obviously supposed to be some sort of set-up for a sequel was pretty stupid. Aside from whoever survived (they walked off at the end), everyone else was dead, so who was that who put on the mask? GAH!

 A BOX CUTTER? COME AT ME BRO.

There are a few gory kills in this movie, one of which was pretty damned awesome.

THIS IS NOT THE AWESOME KILL. THEY DIDN'T EVEN SHOW THIS ONE HAPPENING.

There's a tiny bit of brief nudity when a girl is getting changed, and a sex scene, but nothing too explicit.

MOST LIKELY TO LOOK GOOD IN A BIKINI.

With the way that it's constructed, the level of scriptwriting (especially the dialogue), and all of the cheesy drama on display, Most Likely to Die feels like a movie that would be right at home on the Lifetime Network. It's an alright effort, but it's also one that's easily forgettable. At least for us.

We're pretty sure that lots of people are going to dig it though.

C-

Most Likely to Die is in limited theaters, and on VOD now.

Heather Morris is a QT, and so are her movie classmates.