VOD Review: Cooties (2015)

(aka Circle Circle, Dot Dot.)
Release Date: September 18th.
Country: USA
Rating: R
Written by: Leigh Whannell and Ian Brennan.
Directed by: Jonathan Milot and Cary Murnion. 
Starring: Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Leigh Whannell, Jack McBrayer, and Jorge Garcia.       

When Cooties premiered at Sundance way back in January of 2014, the early reviews were less than stellar. Most who saw it said that it wasn't funny enough for adults, that it was too gory for kids, and that it lacked heart... they just didn't seem to like it all that much.
 
I'm honestly not sure what movie those people saw, because the Cooties that we saw was nothing Ike any of them described. Granted, the movie has undergone some editing since its Sundance premiere, and it even has a brand new ending, so the final version that we saw was basically a new cut. Still, I can't imagine that the bulk of what was there before, isn't still there now. I guess this movie illustrates just how important proper editing is to a film.

Oh, and if anyone out there knows how the original ending played out, please let us know. We're curious to know what they changed.

We've always known that chicken nuggets were hinky. I mean, random chicken parts pressed together into little meat circles... there's nothing not wrong about that. Now that Cooties has shown us a world where tainted chicken nuggets turn all prepubescent kids into rabid, infected killing machines, we fear them even more. Sorry, McDonald's.

YEAH, NO MORE CHICKEN NUGGETS FOR OUR KIDS.

Clint is a struggling writer whose book about a killer boat (ala Stephen King's Christine) isn't exactly coming along so well, decides to make ends meet by taking a substitute teaching job at Fort Chicken Elementary. His old High School crush, Lucy, is a teacher there, so maybe it won't be so bad of a gig, even though she's dating the dickhead PE teacher, Wade Schrute.

FRODO AIN'T HAVIN' IT!

When one of the kids eats a bad chicken nugget at lunch, she becomes infected with Cooties, and it's not long before all of the other kids become infected too, and start killing the adults in horrific ways. Clint, Lucy, and a small group of teachers are forced to band together to fight off the hordes of Cooties Kids, and to try and find a way out of the school and escape the madness.

Higher education ensues.

WHY HIROSHI THOUGHT THAT A MAP OF OSAKA WOULD HELP THEM, WE MAY NEVER KNOW.

Whatever changes they made to the movie since it first premiered at Sundance nearly two years ago must have worked wonders, because we really enjoyed the hell out of Cooties. It starts off a bit slow and underwhelming, but it doesn't take long for the movie to find its footing, and once it does, it's a funny ride until the end. Funny is the key word here.

The idea of a bunch of infected (zombie) kids running around killing everything that they can get their hands on is a pretty terrifying one, but it's also made into a fun one by Cooties. The way that they just killed infected kids left and right throughout the movie was certainly gory, but it played more like Shaun of the Dead than it did Dawn of the Dead. It was intense a times, and even a bit scary (for some) in one or two places, but for the most part, Cooties is meant to be light, fun, and funny.

"I WISH I COULD GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD."

I'm honestly surprised that there hasn't been an SJW uprising on the Twitters of the world, decrying a movie that shows kids being killed as a humorous thing, because these days, everybody soapboxes about everything that is even remotely Non-PC, especially movies. On that note, we also have mad respect for the filmmakers saying screw it, and making the movie they wanted to make, without holding back for fear of what the PC Police would have to say.

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

The whole cast did a good job here, but it was Rainn Wilson and Leigh Whannell who were the standouts. Rainn Wilson is as likable in this one as he's ever been, and it's good to see him in something truly funny once again. We still miss The Office. As for Leigh Whannell, well his deadpan comedy came out of nowhere and basically stole the show. Who knew that the guy who created Saw and Insidious had such a wicked sense of comedic timing?

THOSE KIDS HAVE ISSUES.

As Anti-PC as this movie was in most respects, they really could have ramped up the gore a bit. Don't get us wrong, the movie is plenty gory as it is, but if you're going to make a Horror Comedy that revolves around infected kids getting killed en masse, then why not go the way of Dead Alive, and make the bloodshed as over the top as you can?

This is truly a minor complaint, but still.

THE BEE KNOWS. IT ALWAYS KNOWS.

 Not sure what was with that after-credits scene, but they could have done better.

SORRY, ELIJAH. IT JUST DIDN'T WORK.

Lots and lots of infected zombie kids meet their ends in grisly ways, so if the idea of watching grade-schoolers being brutally killed by the score sounds horrific to you, then you're going to be closing your eyes a lot throughout this one.

THIS LITTLE BASTARD...

Not that kind of flick at all.

Too many to list, but the ones that really got us were:

"Follow me, I do CrossFit!"
"Oh, you'll sneak around, huh? Sneak around like a little Hobbit!"
"Word."
"Wait, your book is called Keel Them All?"
"I'm giving you kids an F... for fuck you!"

AND 90% OF WHAT LEIGH WHANNELL SAYS.

Chicken nuggets are the devil's food. Also, in addition to being one hell of a writer (and now director), Leigh Whannell is pretty damn funny to boot.

ALSO, WATCHING RAINN WILSON RUN IS WAY FUNNIER THAN IT SHOULD BE.

One of the most enjoyable Horror Comedies that we've seen all year, Cooties may not be on the comedic level of What We Do in the Shadows, but it does its own thing in its own way, just about as well. It's funny, gory, and just a plain old good time. Hopefully, there will be a sequel.

This movie will be in our collections the day that it hits Blu-ray.

B+ or maybe even an A-. Either way, a solid 4 out of 5.

Cooties is available now on VOD, and in Limited Theatrical Release.

Alison Pill is a Super QT.