December 9, 2015

VOD Review: L.A. Slasher (2015)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2735292/
This isn't going to be a very long review. For starters, the movie wasn't very good, and that doesn't inspire me to write about it at all. Even worse, it felt like it was almost the same movie as #Horror in many ways, and I'm still trying to get over having to sit through that mess; I need closure, and watching this movie didn't help me get it!

I'm so tired of these "highbrow" Horror movies that try so hard to be some sort of clever indictment of the ills of society, that they never quite figure out how to be a good movie in the process.

How far up their own asses are the people that make this shit?

Pissed off by Reality TV, and Celebutard culture in general, the self-named L.A. Slasher has had enough! He dresses in white suits, wears an androgynous mask, and goes around kidnapping, and then lecturing, the talentless dregs of Hollywood. Sometimes, he even stabs some of them to death. Not sure why he doesn't just kill them outright though; if you're going to do it, go big or stay home. No half measures, Mr. sexually ambiguous Serial Killer with the annoying voice of the sexually ambiguous Andy Dick!

"OH REEEEALLY?"
Will The Actress, The Socialite, The Heiress, The Mayor, The Pop Star, and The Teen Mom (the characters have no names in this movie, only titles) all fall victim to the L.A. Slasher? Will The Reporter ever find love on the mean streets of L.A.? Will Andy Dick ever not be annoying, in sight or in sound?

Who cares. Honestly. WHO?!?

YOU USED TO HAVE A CAREER, MISCHA. WHAT HAPPENED?
L.A. Slasher tries to bash Reality TV culture by way of slick satire, which it does, but it does so in a very clumsy manner. Its tone is all over the place; its humor didn't ever quite make us laugh; its characters are all throw-away archetypes that made us feel nothing but disdain for them; the generally bad acting doesn't help the characters much; and the equally horrible script doesn't help the actors much.

It looks pretty enough, and there are some good ideas going on somewhere in there, but much like #Horror (and I hate to keep making that comparison), it just makes a total mess of things.

IS SHE READING OFF OF CUE CARDS?
The editing might be the worst part of the movie. Much like the aforementioned #Horror, L.A. Slasher tires to integrate Social Media into its framework, visually, via on-screen texts, Social Media Posts, TMZ-like news flashes, on-screen graphics, cartoons, split-screens... And added to the random loud colors & bright lights, and the random jump cuts that come and go at will, the movie plays like an amateurish, schizophrenic mess.

THIS IS HOW WE WISH WE HAD WATCHED THIS MOVIE.
Even the scenes that play like they're "normal" make little sense. One minute, Mischa Barton is sitting in a car in the middle of the desert, and the next, she's gone, presumably taken by the Slasher, only to turn up again in a Cop car at the end. In another scene, the Slasher allows a girl to escape, only to chase her down with his van, while some somber, too-deep-for-you song plays solemnly over the action. And then there's a support group for Serial Killers, ala AA?

And honestly, how fear-inspiring is Andy Dick's whiny, nasally, twat-like voice supposed to be?

What in the hell was this movie doing?

We'll at least give the movie this: It had a killer soundtrack. We love 80's music, even at its cheesiest, and this movie gave us a solid fix of that.

THEY LOOK AS CONFUSED AS WE ARE...
Look, we hate Reality TV (and untalented idiots being propelled to ridiculous levels of fame for doing absolutely nothing) just as much as the next guy, but if you're going to make a movie bashing such things, then put some damned effort into it to make it at least a bit coherent or compelling. In the end, L.A. Slasher isn't funny, it's not scary, and it's nowhere near as clever or as edgy as it thinks it is.

If you want to see a movie that actually pulls off this exact conceit in an entertaining and effective way, then go check out God Bless America (read our review HERE), and avoid this piece of shit.

D-

L.A. Slasher is available now on DVD and VOD.

http://amzn.to/1HR2IkT

This movie was not short on the hot chicks. That's for sure.

4 comments :

  1. I really love your website, I really do. Good, honest reviews. Good for horror news as well. But I really don't like how women are treated like pieces of meat and overly sexualised. Your content is strong enough without throwing in sexed up images of the stars of the film. It's isolating your audience, and also borderline misogyny through exploitation.

    I will continue to be a readers and visitor, as I have been for over a year now. But I finally had to speak up with the treatment of women.

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    Replies
    1. *I hope that what I've written below doesn't come off as any sort of selfish justification, but as my explanation as to why I think your indictments weren't totally on the mark.

      It's never my intention to over-sexualize, or marginalize anyone with reviews or posts here. We all love films here at THC, and especially Horror films, and unfortunately violence and sexuality are prevalent in a great many of them. Whatever that says about us as filmgoers, or as a scoiety at large, is another discussion altogether. For what we do here though, it's the nature of the beast. I don't say that as some sort of an excuse, just as fact.

      Atrractive, sexy (or however you'd like to describe them) women have always been a part of Horror films (or any film or entertainment media, for that matter.) Many of those women have been talented as well, and still are. What they do though, involves their sexuality and attractiveness, on different levels, and so again, nature of the beast.

      I highlight these actresses, not to exploit them, but to promote them, and more importantly, their films. When I do, I go out of my way to find the best pictures of them that I can. I've never posted nudity, and when those pics do come close to being racy, they are pics that the actresses have posed for, or have even taken and posted themselves. To act like sexy pics of them are somehow obscene or damning, has always felt like a slap in the face to them. It's like slut shaming. They can do whatever they like with their appearance; they can pose for sexy pictures, or star in racy scenes; and they can do so for whatever reason they so choose.

      And we can enjoy them, likewise.

      Since day one I've included "hot" pictures of the actresses at then end of most movies' reviews, because they work their asses off making those movies, and they deserve the promotion. Plus, human beings are visual creatures, and so yes, titilating images are appealing to us. At least to a point.

      As for any words that I use that may come off as being mysoginistic, well those all come from a place of humor. Inapporporiate humor (because that's what always makes us laugh the most), but humor none the less. With as bleak and nasty as many Horror movies can be, I try to lighten things up with humor as much as possible; that's just my personality coming through, for better or for worse. In my everyday life, as well as here, I do my best to never offend or marginalize anyone. I'm a big fan of love, peace and hapiness. I'm also, however, a big fan of speaking my mind, and a huge fan of snarky, inapporpriate humor.

      The bottom line is that I'm not happy at all when what I write or post here transaltes as negative or hurts someone. If that's the case, I apologize. I always do my best to be fair, and to not be overly-insentitive to people's beliefs or feelings.

      That doesn't mean that I'm goign to do away with something, or behave in accordance to everyone's wishes, to appease their sense of right and wrong. I will be mindful, and I will always try to be curteous in the way of sensitivity, but censoring thing slike pics and words is not going to happen.

      This is a discussion that is hard to have in text form. Since that's all we have though, I will close by saying that I see your point, respect it, and will be mindful of it going forward.

      Thanks for the feedback.

      -J.S.

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    2. Keep on doing what you're doing. I agree with everything you said here. Attractive women are just a part of the genre. Always have been and likely always will be.

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  2. Agree with Nax
    You are doig a good job and no misogyny here. I totally get that you are treating women with respect - after all, it is more sexist to strip (sorry) actresses of their sexuality, just for the sake of PC.

    ReplyDelete