December 28, 2011

Quick Review: Final Destination 5 (2011)
Can we just be honest about this franchise? It needs to stop.

Yes, these movies are an excellent source of creative kills, and they always give us copious amounts of blood and gore, but the pain one must endure to get to those good parts is just too much to bear anymore.

Each time we get an Final Destination sequel, it's all the same: a new accident nearly claims the lives of the perfect, gorgeous group of stereotypes, and then it's them running around either clueless that death is right behind them, or racing against time to save each other from dying, and defeat death.
Girls like Emma Bell make it all prettier though.
These flicks remind me of the game Mousetrap. Remember that one? It's this elaborate contraption where you start a marble at one end, and it goes through a series of crazy traps and obstacles that trigger the next one, over and over again until your marble reaches the end. It's neat the first couple of times, but then it becomes annoyingly repetitive, and you get tired of waiting for the whole thing to unfold, just to see your marble end up in a fucking basket.

That's pretty much these movies.

Eye violence is never entertaining.
She did not stick that landing.
Tony Todd.
We give FD5 a middle of the road grade only because while we couldn't stand sitting through it, it does delivers the gory goods that fans have come to expect from the series, and it delivers them very well. If you like creative, graphic and crazy bloody kill scenes, this franchise is for you. If you enjoy not being annoyed, then it is not.


At the very least, the Final Destination movies always showcase some hot chicks. That's at least a bonus.

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