July 2, 2012

The Worst of 2012... so far.

2012 is half in the bag already, and it feels like it has flown by, doesn’t it? There have been a lot of genre flicks for horror fans to love/hate so far, so let’s take a quick mid-year pause to reflect on the year in horror thus far.

Now, let's finally tackle the bad stuff…


For the record, I will not accept that Piranha 3DD was written and directed the way it was intentionally, and that they wanted it to be a  so-bad-it's-good type of an experience. They dropped the ball on this one. Period.

It's really hard to articulate how bad Don't Go in the Woods was. Just imagine a shitty Emo band on a camping trip, breaking into spontaneous acoustic song while being picked off one by one... yeah, it's a slasher musical. Shame on you, Vincent D'Onofrio.

The Oregonian is simply one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And before you wonder if the qualifier "worst ever" is deserved, let me tell you that I've endured some horrendous movies; Ice From the Sun, Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist, The Apple... Hell, long before there was a THC, we were a collective of fools who relished getting together and watching bad movies. For fun.

ATM is nothing more than a string of flimsy plot devices that serve only to allow the premise of this movie to exist. Why they were in that particular ATM to begin with was just silly, and what unfolded during the course of the movie was just as bad.

Had anything about Area 407 (the original title was Tape 407 btw) movie been suspenseful, terrifying, atmospheric or even compelling, its shortcomings would have been far less noticeable. As it stands though, this movie is an example of  Found Footage done wrong, and shows perfectly why these movies are so hard to effectively pull off, and it makes the sub-genre look silly.

Finally we have The Amityville Haunting. There's zero suspense, no scares, horrible acting, an abysmal script, and the ever annoying un-steady cam that is constantly present in these POV flicks... We'd sooner roll a live grenade into a Kindergarten class than endure this crap again, and we love kids.

Those deserving Honorable Mention:


And that's that. Now, we just have to sit back and see what the 2nd half of 2012 offers us, and enjoy (or hope for the best.)

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