Paranormal Xperience 3D (2012)

(aka XP3D!)
Release Date: Available now at Amazon Instant Video.
Country: Spain
Written by: Daniel Padro.
Directed by: Sergi Vizcaino.
Starring: Amaia Salamanca, Maxi Iglesias, Lucho Fernandez, Ursla Corbero and Alba Ribas.

It looks as if we are the first ones to review this movie here in the U.S. I'm not exactly sure why, since it's available on Amazon to watch now, but we'll take a crack at it.

To be fair, there's not a ton that we can say about this movie without ripping it apart, so we will be succinct in our commentary, so as not to seem heartless.

90 minutes later... I think I just figured out why no one has reviewed this movie yet.

Two hot Spanish sisters that hate each other are forced together in an attempt to disprove the Paranormal goings-on in an abandoned town called Whisper. Angela is the skeptic, Diana is the epileptic, and they both share in the secret of a traumatic event from their childhood that drove them apart... I guess it just adds dramatic tension to the whole thing.

"You still sticking to your no dessert policy now, ass-wipe!?"

Together with a bunch of other students they travel to Whisper, and as expected, the Paranormal hi-jinks begin in earnest. Are they real though? Is Diana crazy, or is there some sinister force out to destroy them all? Is there a reason why this movie had to be in 3D? We may never know the answers to these questions, and we are completely fine with that.

Looks pretty real... or does it?

I'm still not sure what in the hell happened in this movie, who the evil doctor was, or what in the hell happened in this movie, but whoever he was, he was pretty creepy looking. Also, what n the hell happened in this movie!?!

Cool mask, bro.

For us, XP3D was as tolerable as it was bad. On one hand, it was a pretty movie that mostly held our attention throughout. On the other, it felt like a poorly scripted Spanish Soap Opera.

It's pretty. Shiny. Glossy. PX3D is like Gossip Girl but with more violence. The cast is good looking, some of the kill scenes were good and bloody, and it made a valiant attempt at being a Paranormal/Torture Porn hybrid of some sort. There's a decent story buried somewhere underneath all of the smooth visuals, though it's a shame that it wasn't fleshed out better.

Something is not right with her.

It's bad enough that the cast looks like they belong in the Spanish equivalent of Twilight, but the fact that the film's producers have come right out and admitted that the movie was "conceived from the point of view of its youth market and marketing potential" really tells the whole story here. It's a PG-13 vehicle aimed at "kids," and it shows.

Wasted potential.

There are some decent kills to be found here, and some of them do get pretty messy, but for the most part the movie doesn't get out of hand with the violence. Another missed opportunity. For a PG-13 movie though, it wasn't bad. I don't know, it was and it wasn't. I'm done with this movie!

Bleed more!

 

No nakedness to be found here, and that is truly a shame. I mean, it's Europe; they aren't anywhere near as hung up on nudity in film as we here in the U.S. are, so why not make with the boobs and show us up? Bah!

Next time, maybe bleed while topless.

Paranormal Xperience 3D wasn't totally horrible, but it was hardly what we'd call good, either. Maybe something was lost in translation for us, and if we were 18-year-old Spanish kids we'd identify with it more, but we're not sure even that would help things. Style over substance is the case here. Some people will like this movie for what it offers on the surface, but we fear that most Horror fans will dismiss it out of hand for not delivering the goods. Like we did.

D+

This movie definitely makes good on the eye candy with the Spanish hotness of  Alba Ribas, Amaia Salamanca, and Ursla Corbero.