Forget the fact that it's been nearly 40 years since the original movie came out, and I just don't see how you could really ever hope to do justice to its memory with a modern-day "continuation" of its story, but here it is, none the less!
Beth is a successful American country singer who used to be slutty, but has since found her way to singing the praises of JC. All sluts eventually turn to religion don't they? Because praying more and throwing yourself on the mercy of the holy cross obviously erases every skanky and obscene thing that you've ever done with your dirty mouth and filthy vagina, right?
Yep. That's pretty much a non-debatable fact. Ask Jesus. He'll tell you.
|"I gave y'all the H.I.V. but my G.O.D. forgives me, LOL!"|
Religion is also about basting naked asses with oil, as evidenced by the picture below.
|Now this is one aspect of Religion that we can truly get behind. Zing!|
|This is why Christians can't have nice things!|
Whereas the 1973 Wicker movie was so odd that it ended up being creepy, the updated Wicker universe is more goofy and over dramatic than anything else. Really, I don't know why we were expecting it to be good, but we found ourselves a bit let down as the credits began to roll. Maybe because instead of giving us another unique and good movie, all we were left with was the thought "why didn't they just leave well enough alone?"
U.S. of A. crossing the pond to save them from their unjust lives and skewed belief systems, is there? Hell no there ain't, cause everyone who ain't believe in Jesus Christ needs savin', ain't they? This movie is definitely on a bit of a Bible Bashing bent; when our innocent country singin' heroine says "Everything in the Bible is inspired by God, so it must be true, right?" It's apparent that we're to believe that all Americans are sheepish simpletons... and we can't really argue that fact, because there's some truth to it. Still, true or not, don't preach.
|There's a lot of truth going on in this picture.|
|Not the BEES!|
Honeysuckle Weeks; despite having what may be one of the silliest first names ever, she brought her A-game in this one, and by A-game, we mean shameless nudity. She's not the only one, as many others in the movie shed their clothes for the greater good, but she was by far the most impressive.
|Edited for our younger viewers, who screw up all of our good, naked pics.|
Honeysuckle Weeks wasn't afraid to bare it all in an effort to do her part, and she did it more than once. Cheers, Honeysuckle. We're also betting that in High School, someone called her "Honeyfuckle" at least once. They just had to.