October 24, 2008

90's Horror Hottie: Sarah Michelle Gellar

She staked her way into our hearts in 1997, and took the Horror world by storm... she's Sarah Michelle Gellar! I talk to her all the time (via a poster on my wall), and she truly is amazing; not only does she carry the Horror torch into the new millennium,but she does so while remaining hot in the process.

Bitch tried to kill me once.
I first met SMG when I found her crawling down my hallway trying to stake me; this picture is obviously proof of that. We wrestled for what seemed like hours, until my tapioca slingshot finally took the energy out of her, and saved my life. We became fast friends after that. Odd how she went on to star as a Vampire Slayer shortly after our little "incident," isn't it? You owe me big time, Sarah!

That is actually my hand.
Years later, I did try to kill her as a sort of payback (as proven again by the above photograph), but playing an ass-kicking Slayer had made her too tough by that point, and she gave me the slip.

Aside from Buffy, she's starred in Teen Horror classics such as I Know What You Did Last Summer, and Scream 2... again, remaining hot and sassy throughout it all.

I'll bet that carpet smells of vanilla and regret.
SMG continued her horrific ways well into the 2000's, both by marrying Freddie Prinze Jr., and by starring in such Genre Gems as The Grudge, The Grudge 2, Possession, and The Return. Say what you will about those movies, but they suck way less than Freddie Prinze Jr. does. Way less.
As time wore on, SMG spent some time at a sex rehab clinic, only to find herself kicked out for being too naughty. *I may have made that up, but it sounds too good to not make up, right?

"Maybe, maybe not!"
So she has scared us, thrilled us, made us sweat, and made us scream her name at her poster while dancing around the room naked... and for all of this, we Horror Fans owe her a debt of gratitude. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks.


  1. Here here. She's utterly enchanting, and a wonderful actress.

  2. SMG's face on the Vampirella body. Holy shit dude!

  3. I remember when the rumors were going around that SMG was going to play Vampirella...

    That picture had me convinced it would work.