Review: The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Sub-Genre- Slasher/Serial Killer
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla.
Cast Members of Note- Vinnie Jones, Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb and Brooke Shields.

Despite the rather obvious title, this is not a Gay Porn movie. There are no all-male gang-bangs to be found here, nor does anyone "ease the train into the station. " No one "greases the tracks" either. Really people, get your minds out of the gutter.

This is however the story of  a mute, raving-mad butcher (named Mohogany) that dresses up in fancy suits and rides the subway at night, hoping to find some nice people to not talk to. Since no one ever seems to want to be friends with him, he figures why not kill and skin them. They should have been nicer!

He's just lonely, folks.

A photographer (Kaufman) and his girlfriend soon discover the killer and his murderous ways, and set out to stop him. Idiots. How about just don't take the damn train anymore, you know, and be safe? I won't ruin any more of the plot for you here, because I hate spoilers, but suffice it to say that things get messy and painful for those involved. I guess it is almost like Gay Porn.

Guess which one is the bitch?

This was a really good movie overall, although it deviated from Clive Barker's original short story a bit; in the book, we got a few POV's from Mahogany, which was cool and gave some interesting insight into things; there was no cat-and-mouse game between Mahogany and Kaufman; and there was no girlfriend getting involved in things. The biggest difference to me though was the way the ending was handled in the film; I won't get into specifics here, as the movie is new and I don't want to spoil things like an asshole would, but the ending in the book was, for lack of a better word, better.

Mmm... foreplay.

Make no mistake though, this movie still rocks. It's creepy, violent, bloody, disturbing, and the story is definitely captivating. The characters do some stupid things here and there, but overall they are likable, and in Mahogany's case, terrifying. Speaking of, Vinnie Jones is spot on as Mahogany, the butcher of the meat train; he barely utters one word, yet manages to tell you everything you need to know with his creepy looks and mannerisms. That was a piece of perfect casting.

This is his "don't make me chase you" face.

With all of the creepy stuff going on in your life, are you really going to just leave your apartment door open, and walk into the other room to discuss the creepiness going on in your life? I hate nonsensical shit like that. Also, you're going to hit the guy who possesses superhuman strength with a severed arm? Ugh.

Not the brightest bulb in the lamp...

The way this movie was handled by Lionsgate was horrendous; why they would bury a good movie like this, yet release a hunk of crap like Disaster Movie, shows us exactly where their priorities lie. This movie will live in Horror infamy as the one that Lionsgate tried to tank.

Wankers.

This movie is bloody from start to finish. Stabbings, eye-gouging, teeth pulling, multiple meat tenderizer/hammer bashing, severed limbs, people crawling through pools of blood... fans of gore will not be disappointed with this one.

If this movie isn't bloody enough for you, you probably have bigger issues than this movie not being bloody enough for you.

We get a little bit of skin, but only on the victims.

Why exactly was Leslie Bibb not naked in this!?!

"Stand away from the meat." or "Welcome."

Subways are scary. Also, big cities have creepy secrets that it's best not to poke your nose into.

Should have taken a cab.

I recommend that you read Clive Barker's short story before seeing the movie; it will give you a different take on things and will make the movie a better overall experience for you. I like this movie, and everyone needs to check out Fearnet On-Demand or Fearnet.com and see it. Good Stuff.

B+

The Midnight Meat Train is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Clive Barker is the man, and more good movies need to be made from his short stories.

Artist. Visionary. Master.