Review: Antichrist (2009)

"What in the fuck is wrong with Lars Von Trier?"

Cast Members of Note- Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainbourg.

*Note- The characters in this movie are named He and She. Yes, it's that kind of movie...

Prologue: He's penis slides in and out of She's vagina, in slow-motion during a shower opera, and we see it all. He and She move to the bedroom to continue their slo-mo scrumping, and in the meantime their toddler jumps out of his crib, and then out of the window. At that very moment, She orgasms. Also, the wash is done. This movie is going to be messed up.

Oopsy daisy!

Chapter One- Grief: She is understandably distraught over the death of their son, and since He is a therapist, He decides to treat her. He runs her through makeshift lamaze classes, bangs her head off of toilet bowls, and has sex with her. Highly unethical. They then begin a pilgrimage of healing to their cabin in the woods, Eden, where She takes a nap, and He sees a deer with a dead baby deer fetus sticking out of its ass.

"Oh deer God!" (See what I did there?)

Chapter Two- Pain: They continue walking towards Eden, cross a bridge, and find a tree with a vagina. When they finally arrive at Eden, it looks less like paradise and more like Mrs. Jenkins' old ass house down the way (I love me some Mrs. Jenkins. Ain't nobody better say nothing bad bout Mrs. Jenkins.) They run around a field barefoot, and rocks melt. Then it starts to rain Milk Duds, and He finds the creepiest fox in the world ripping itself to shreds. Then it talks.

And you thought I was being a smart ass! Milk Duds!

Chapter Three- Despair: I have no words for the nastiness that unfolds in this chapter. Besides, it would spoil too much.

Chapter Four-The Three Beggars: She is nuts, He pays the price, and She begs He to hold her because... What the fuck is She doing?!?! Oh man. Okay, I'm done.

Apparently, He is done too.

This is a film that I will have to meditate over for some time to come. Was she evil? What happened to her in the forest with her son? Is this movie a misogynistic bash on all of womankind? I have no answers, but I will be thinking on it for quite some time. This film is unbelievably gorgeous, and ridiculously so. Each of the chapters has its own look from monochrome to black and white, and is just something special to behold. With Antichrist, Lars Von Trier captivates visually even if he manages to lose some of his audience thematically. Is this his masterpiece? I don't know, but it sure feels to me like it may be.

What did they do?!?

What does it all mean? Was the movie filled with Demons, evil constellations, and the Antichrist? Or were the goings-on nothing more than mental malady and the essence of human cruelty?

I guess that Eden kinda looks like a rape shack?

Rock, millstone or scissors, you take your pick.

You can also choose choke-hold.

This is definitely not a "body count" type of movie, but none the less there are some truly horrific acts of violence within. The scissors. That's all I'll say.

This film actually contains moments of pornography. Yep. Penetration, full view female and male masturbation, ejaculation, and sex galore.

"I'll give you a spin-cycle, bitch!"

"Chaos reigns."

Bonifac, you are one creepy little fox!

Lars Von Trier has issues. Also, women are evil. 

Or maybe it's just her.

This is a must see movie, even if only for the visual feast that Lars Von Trier crafted so masterfully. I can imagine that this movie will not only cause plenty of debate and perhaps even inspire anger, but wow is it something else to sit through. Bleak, brutal, and gorgeous, you really should check this one out as soon as you get the chance... but be warned that it's a really, really messed-up movie that will leave you feeling all kinds of wrong.

A

Antichrist is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD. 

I felt just like this after watching Antichrist.