May 22, 2012

Descendents (2008/2012)

In The Descendants, George Clooney turns in the performance of a lifetime as a man who... wait, wrong movie. That's Descendant's with an A, this is the Descendents with an E.

Alright, let's start this thing over...

In Descendents, the world is ravaged by a viral plague that turns most people into Zombies. Little Camille is immune however, and after being separated from her mother, most of the movie is basically her wandering around through empty towns looking for food and trying to stay alive. It's not the Zombies that are the threat though, it's Army Guys who are killing off anyone who might be infected that pose the danger to her. Why are the Zombies not a threat, you might ask? Well, because of the fact that she's immune to the virus, the Zombies won't attack her... and that fact basically kills any chance that this movie had at being effective.

Camille finds a bunch of other little kids who are immune to the virus as well, and so they roam around in front of matte paintings of destroyed cities, running from the aforementioned evil Army Guys, and playing kick the can. They all seem to be having the same recurring dream about the ocean too, but whatever.

Fish out of water?
Matte paintings and poor FX aside, Descendents worst problem is that it's dull and uninteresting. The movie is about kids trying to survive in the world of Zombie Apocalypse, and yet the Zombies post absolutely no threat to them because they won't attack them... what in the hell do you have left then? I'll tell you what; a bunch of silent scenes showcasing kids walking around, and some flashbacks that add nothing interesting or exciting to the movie. Nothing much happens, little is explained, and what insight into the story that we do get makes no sense whatsoever.

Had the Zombies in this movie not only looked better, but actually had been a threat to Camille and the other kids, it might have been worthwhile. Imagine a small group of little kids running for their lives and fighting tooth and nail against hordes of ravenous Zombies who want nothing else other than to eat them alive. Now that sounds like a kick ass movie.

If only...

I imagine that the director had very little money with which to make his movie, but if that's the case, you can still make the story interesting and effective. Putting pen to paper is absolutely free. 

I will say this for the movie, as WTF!? and out of place as the ending was, it actually managed to interest me. It made absolutely no sense, and it felt like someone giving me a hug and saying "I love you" after repeatedly kicking me in the balls, but I can't help liking it in some twisted way. Had the movie spent more time going to the place that the ocean scene at the end did, I think I may have enjoyed it on some odd level.

As a meditation on the trials and fragility of childhood, I suppose this movie might work. As a Horror movie though, it just doesn't. After waiting so long to finally see this movie, to say that we were underwhelmed and disappointed is an understatement. THE ONLY REASON this movie doesn't earn a DO NOT WANT rating from us is for the last scene, which really caught us off guard and kinda piqued our interest. That is not a reason for us to recommend this movie however, so really, just do yourself a favor and avoid it.


Patricia Lopez is in this. We're not really familiar with much of her work, and yet somehow we're big fans...


  1. Im watching this dip shit movie right now..should have read your review first :(
    Worst $2.99 I ever spent.

  2. Yeah, it was a tough one... did kinda like the "twist" at the end though. Cheesy but at least it was one thing in the movie that made me not want to cry outright.

  3. This movie was so incredibly bad that It really made me want to go to Chile and kick the directors was for wasting not only my time but the time of anyone involved in the production of the film.

  4. Yeah, it was pretty bad, Lettaman. We can't deny that somethign aboout the last scene made us happy, even though it wasnt all that great, but on the whole, it sucked.