August 30, 2009

Quick Review: StagKnight (2007)
"Stagknight is derived from the uncensored lusty straight-to-Drive-In horrors of the 70's and 80's. Set deep in dark mythical English woods Stagknight presents a uniquely stupid look at this genre through the cracked "Weekend Warriors" paintball team. This is mansville not boytown on a blow-out bachelor paintball weekender bender of dirty tricks, hot babes and truly splatter-tastic medieval kills to die for."

It's too goofy to be serious, and too painfully unfunny to be a comedy; whatever StagKnight is supposed to be, "clumsy fucking mess" seems to sum it up the best.

Have you ever seen a handicapped child slipping down a set of icy stairs? This movie is less funny than that. Fine, that would actually be pretty funny (in a  horrible, "I'm going to hell" kind of way), but you get my point. Fart jokes, shit jokes, half-assed Predator-like FX from the evil Knight's point of view, poor acting, a ridiculous script, and the worst BJ scene EVER! "Now get those teeth out, Granny!" WTF?!?!

The two main chicks were hot though. That was at least nice.

Yeah. Right.
Since there are so many movies that we verbally abuse after having to endure them (and for good reason), we thought it fair to come up with at least 5 things that were good or decent about the DO NOT WANT'S of the world. We will use pictures to illustrate said things. So here are 5 positive things about MOVIE NAME HERE:

Them again.
Them, yet again.
And this blow-up doll... because it just didn't give a shit!
Jocelyn Osorio and Danielle Mason are in this.

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