DVD Review: Dead Alive (1992)

"Is this the craziest movie of all time? Yes. Yes, I think it is."

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The VG, Nick, and Cherrie.
Cast Members of Note- Timothy Balme, Diana Penalver, Elizabeth Moody, Stuart Devenie, and a crazy little mutant-baby puppet named Selwyn.

Lionel is a dweeb that lives at home with his mum and can't get laid to save his life. Forget laid, he can't even talk to a girl without having some sort of crazy spastic fit of epic proportions. Girls just hate him. Even dogs hate Lionel; in fact, dogs hate him so much that they go so far as to send assassins after him! You heard me right... dog assassins! Lucky for him, mum loves him, and at least bath night is always fun at their house.

Dog Assassin.

When mum gets bitten by a Sumatran Rape-Monkey, she starts to melt, ooze pus, and turn into a crazy, drippy, zombie thing. Of course Lionel does the logical thing and keeps her locked in the cellar, rather than get some help. When the infection spreads, he's faced with a horde of wild and unruly zombies that he alone has to destroy, before they ooze and drip all over the place.

That is not just pudding...

Insanity in its highest form ensues as Priests use karate against the undead, zombie babies wreak adorably gross havoc, and 5.2 million gallons of blood are spilled. Will Lionel be able to contain the zombie outbreak to his basement? Will Paquita ever shave her upper lip? Will a lawnmower somehow come into play? No, no, and yes.

"Time to shave that lip, Paquita!"

This movie is an all-out, balls-to-the-wall, gallons-o-blood-filled ridiculously good time. Is it cheesy? Yes. Is it fun? Yes. Is it possibly the goriest movie of all time? Depending on how you judge your gore factors, yes. It's just f'ing nuts, and you really need to see it once just to say that you've "been there."

Let's not forget also that Peter Jackson is a genius. He has a visual style and way about his work that shows how much he loves it, even if the work is crazy and mindless like it is here. Aside from King Kong, he knows how to tell a story and entertain, and he's not afraid to take it to the limit either... just look at the gay love story between Frodo and Sam in LOTR; yep, he went there, and made us fall in love too.

Come on, how cool is this!

The karate Priest went out WAY too early... I would have honestly watched an entire movie with Father Mcgruder karate-fighting zombies.

He kicks ass for the lord.

Sorry Mum, but at the point when you turn into a zombie and repeatedly try to eat me, you're gonna have to take the big dirt nap. It will be tough, but I will burn you, chop you, blend you or blow you up in whatever way I can, because I will not die at the hands of a zombie, and especially one that is you.

Not happening!

This may just be the goriest movie ever. No, I'm not exaggerating. It's pointless to list the gory craziness here, because you really need to see it for yourself. This is truly insane stuff.

Mmm... Butterscotch!

Um... we get some boobs, but... well, they're ginormous mutant-creature boobs, and they aren't nice at all.

"I kick ass for the Lord!" or "Is that the one with the donkey and the chambermaid?" or "Story goes, these great big rats come scuttling off the slave ships and raped all the little tree monkeys." There are just too many great lines in this movie.

Feels like he's staring right into your soul, doesn't it?

Never piss off a Priest. Also, Peter Jackson has issues.

This guy has issues too.

This movie is without a doubt one of the craziest and bloodiest we've ever seen, and as goofy as it is, it's a true classic. Peter Jackson more than proved his brilliance before those little Lord of the Rings movies with this one, and if you haven't seen it yet, do so asap.

A

Dead Alive is available now on DVD.

Peter Jackson is mad genius.