Blu-ray Review: Demons (1985)

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, Nick, and Cherrie.
Cast Members of Note- Nicoletta Elmi all grown up, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny, Bobby Rhodes!, and a bunch of crazy Italian over-actors.

*Directed by Lamberto Bava and produced by the man called Argento!

An evil movie and some crazy-evil Kabuki mask turn a theater into a breeding ground for zombie-like Demons, trapping theatergoers inside and forcing them to fight for their very lives! Maybe next time they shouldn't trust the guy with the half-chrome face, who is handing out free movie passes in the subway.

If that face doesn't scream "rape and/or death," I sure as hell don't know what does.

It all starts when a ho scratches her face on a shiny mask that is randomly hanging in the lobby of the movie theater. Why her pimp didn't lay the smack down on her for "coming out of pocket," I'll never understand, because any pimp worth their salt knows to always keep his pimp hand strong. Thanks for not acting, and thereby dooming the world, you punk-ass sugar pimp!

"Bitch, is you crazy?"

Anywho, the ho scratchig her face causes all hell to literally breaks loose in the form of a Demon onslaught. Once said onslaught begins, it's up to a boring girl and her man Guiseppe to save the day, which they do; they run kicking Demon ass and popping wheelies on bikes. Really, that's pretty much the plot of the movie.

Demon-Pimpin' IS easy.

This movie is some crazy, nonsensical, Demon fun. In many ways, Demons is an example of the kind of movie that made 80's Horror so damned satisfying; it didn't get too deep or bother making a whole lot of sense, but it was awesome to watch and it gave me nightmares. Everything from the nasty gore, to Bobby Rhodes playing a super smooth Italian Pimp is enjyable, and if you can forgive its shortcomings (plot, acting, dialogue), and look past the normal misgivings of most Italian Horror flicks (plot, acting, dialogue), then you will learn to love it as many other Horror fans have.

I didn't even realize while watching this one that the creepy usher chick was no other than Nicoletta Elmi; star of Italian horror classics of the 70's such as Deep Red and The Night Child. That creepy little ginger kid grew up mighty hot, and managed to stay just as creepy.

I know she's bad for me, but I'm drawn to trouble.

Did no one see the sword? It was right there the whole damn time, why didn't someone grab it and use it at some point, any point, before the last 10 minutes of the movie? You could have saved, oh I don't know, everybody's lives!

Then again, no one will really miss them...

Ripper? Baby Pig? Hot Dog? What kind of d-bags have nicknames like that? The kind of people that sniff cocaine out of a coke can, that's who.

She should have been Baby Pig.

This movie is filled with all kinds of Italian Horror goodness, which means plenty of blood and nasty gore. Can you expect anything less from the combo of Bava & Argento?

"Grawr!"

I'm disappointed to say that in a movie full of pimps and ho's, the nudity was all but absent.

She got naked, but only partially.

"They will make cemeteries their cathedrals, and the cities will be your tombs."

Or... "Son of a bitch! Shit!"

Demons in Italy are very much like fast-moving Zombies. Also, never trust a ho.

Also, riding a motorcycle in a movie theater is just showing off.

The only way to watch this movie and truly get the most out of it, is on Blu-ray. Synapse has given Horror fans a truly stunning 1080p transfer of Demons here, that also boasts impressive audio to boot. This is a bare-bones disc, offering very little in the way of Special Features, but for those of us who just want to see the movie in the best possible format, this is a near-perfect disc.

• High-Definition 1080p transfer from original vault materials in the 1.66:1 aspect ratio, featuring all-new color correction supervised by Synapse Films
• Contains both the “International English” stereo language soundtrack, as well as the “U.S. Mono” English alternate dub soundtrack
• Original U.S. theatrical trailer
• Newly-translated English SDH subtitles provided for both English versions

This is a classic slice of kitschy, 80's-style Italian Horror that you simply must see. Sure it's silly and nonsensical, but it's also one hell of an enjoyable ride, and fun is always a good thing. The best thing, even. Turn your brain off for a while and check it out. You won't be sorry.

B+

Demons is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

That evil little girl right down there is Nicoletta Elmi, and she turned into a really hot chick, whom I'm sure is every bit as evil... but also hot.