Solo Review: Splinter (2008)

Sub-Genre- Creature/Parasite I
Cast Members of Note- The hotness of Jill Wagner, the girl from the Mercury commercials.

A true Hottie (Jill Wagner) and her geek boyfriend get carjacked after hitting a mutant porcupine, and all hell breaks loose. Soon enough, they are forced to hole up in a gas station for their very survival... Thankfully for everyone involved, the geek boyfriend has a PHD in Biology or Botany or something, and is able to determine that the porcupine thing is both "strange" and not quite "normal."

Yeah, that's obviously not normal.

The idea here is not to get pricked by the splintery little bastard to begin with, or else you become a host of sorts, thus turning you into a shambling, undead man-porcupine-thing. Even a tiny little splinter on your finger means that you're finished, and since the creature is basically all splinters, it's best not to try to pet it. Hugs are out too.

Sure it looked cute, but look what it did to you!

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that it doesn't end well for most involved. ( I really wanted to work in some sort of "that little prick!" joke here, due to the nature of the porcupine-monster and its little splinters and all, but it just didn't work out.)

Where does that little prick think it's going? *Ha, I did it!

The creature in this movie, and the things it does to a human body, are a thing of brilliance; the cracking and breaking, the lumbering around with a broken body, in search of its next meal/host... You can only catch quick shots of the creature proper, but when you do, it more than gets its point across.  

Splinter is a really solid effort that managed to give us some creepy atmosphere and some intense moments, complimented by some pretty crazy gore effects... And let us not forget the underrated hotness of Jill Wagner, who can actually act too.

Nice job here, Toby Wilkins.

Call me, Jill. That's not a request... do it now!

It took a little long to get things going in this one, and I would have liked to have seen them use film stock rather than digital, to make the movie look less "real." It's minor nitpicking on my part really... very minor.

A box cutter and a cinder block?!? Good God that's painful to even comprehend, let alone witness...

This picture does not make me want to eat a Snickers Ice Cream Bar.

I'm still wince just thinking about some of the gore in this movie... For instance, the amputation of an arm with a box cutter... and a cinder block. Damn. This movie delivers the gory goods.

Now this is how it's done.

 

No, and what a waste of Jill Wagner too. Sigh.

Next time, be sure to show us those creatures under your shirt, alright?

Anything Jill Wagner said... she really is that captivating.

Don't ever stop when you hit something on a country road. Also, you always kill it with fire.

Also, we love the hell out of Jill Wagner.

This was a well made, creepy, and often times disturbing little flick, and it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible. Whether you rent or buy it, just get your hands on it and watch it. A nice effort by first time Director, Toby Wilkins.

B

Splinter is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Jill Wanger is adorable! Also, HOT!