VOD Review: Hellions (2015)

We'll say this for Hellions: it's a beautifully shot movie that has a great central theme going for it, and it operates within a very Halloween-appropriate setting. Chloe Rose also makes for an endearing leading lady, and the fact that Robert Patrick plays even a small role in this one makes us happy.

We'll also go ahead and say that Hellions is a frustrating movie that drops the ball about halfway through, and never picks it up again. In fact, the ball disappears into a netherworld of confused ideas and even more confused execution, never to be seen again.

Hellions could have been a great movie. It could have been something close to what Trick 'r Treat was, albeit in a far different way, but where Sam was The Spirit of Halloween in that movie, the creepy little bastards in this one seem to be The Spirits of Pro-Life or something?

Ugh.

Dora Vogel is 17 and pregnant. Sounds like a Lifetime movie of the week, I know, but there it is. Upset at the news that she's going to be a mommy, all she wants to do is stay home on Halloween and sulk, and maybe pass out some candy. Or maybe she wants to go to that Halloween party after all. Oh, what's a girl to do!

THIS PICTURE MIGHT BE A METAPHOR.

When a group of mischievous trick-or-treaters comes a-calling, she gives them some candy, but they want the baby that's growing inside of her instead. Why? Who knows. Probably because it's supposed to be creepy or something. Dora tells them to get lost, but they won't take no for an answer, instead proceeding to terrorize her, determined to get that baby... which is apparently growing so fast that it will be born soon.

"NO CANDY. BABY!"

With a Blood Moon setting in, and everything turning pink, something "odd" happens, and Dora finds herself stuck in some sort of phantom zone or something. Alone, knocked-up, and craving honey-covered pickles, Dora must fight for the right to party to keep her baby, and hopefully survive the night.

SO THE HONEY ON THE PICKLE... THAT'S A METAPHOR, RIGHT?

Hellions started off pretty fantastically, establishing a cold, bleak Fall mood, filled with pumpkins, and Halloween decorations, and it had me. I liked Dora. I wanted to see her get through whatever was coming. When after getting some life-changing news, she decided to stay home on Halloween night instead of going out to celebrate, I knew that whatever was coming would be something horrible. When the creepy trick or treaters showed up, I knew this was it; the movie was about to kick into high Horror gear...

And then everything went pink.

LITERALLY, PINK. OR WHATEVER COLOR THIS IS.

It really was when everything went pink that the movie lost not only us, but its grasp on being able to tell an engaging, intense story. It was like the light of the Blood Moon signified the death of the movie we had been watching, and the birth of a new, silly, confused, preachy movie... and we weren't having it.

What started out as an atmospheric and potentially good little Halloween thriller, became something else... like maybe a PSA about how abortion is bad, and how all knocked-up young girls should keep their babies, or they deserve to die or something. Or maybe it was something else altogether, I don't know. Whatever it was though, it completely lost us once the trippy, "is it real or is it all in her head" bullshit began.

Why can't Horror movies just be straight-forward anymore? And I'm talking about movies like Hellions, not the average cheap Direct-to-DVD crap that hits shelves on a consistent basis. This movie had a competent filmmaker behind it, a decent cast, and what looks enough of a budget to do something at a certain level of quality, so why couldn't it just be a straight-forward Horror flick, instead of heading off into some ethereal, pretentious dreamworld like it did?

WHY?

***BEWARE ENDING SPOILERS*** And as far as the ending goes, which clears up a lot of what happens in the movie... well, it didn't really clear anything up at all. So was everything that happened all in her head? Because the fact that she had a newborn baby at the end certainly leads us to believe so... then again, if she had a baby after only finding out she was pregnant that morning, then that seems to suggest that something supernatural did happen. So when she hears the creepy voice say "Dora" right before the camera cuts to black, is she truly being haunted, or is she insane?

We don't need everything spoofed to us, but if we have to sit through 80 minutes of confused nonsense like this, the least you can do is give us a damn explanation as to what happened. Oh, and make it a satisfying one while you're at it.

YEAH, US TOO.

Hellions looks great, and Chloe Rose is a revelation (at least to us), but overall this is a movie that starts out with all of the promise in the world, and then completely fucks it all up by trying to be boldly different. We truly expected more from  the director of Pontypool. *Different is not always good, despite what Arthouse Hipsters will tell you, and this movie is proof of that.

We're giving this one a 2 out of 5 because the beginning of the movie was great, Chloe Rose was great, and as painful as the latter half was to watch, there's some good filmmaking going on there. If you like trippy movies, then the tonal shift that put us off might not bother you at all.

Rent accordingly.

D+

Hellions is available now on VOD.

Chloe Rose ain't no joke though...